What not to say: Men contacting women on online dating sites (wife, love)
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I figured this might be a useful thread for the guys on here who always complain that women never respond. Chicks of C-D, let 'er rip!
For myself, I think in early emails it's safe to say you don't mention sex. At all. No innuendo, no propositioning (even if you're just looking for sex), no raunchy. Be friendly and low pressure.
Be positive. I responded to a guy's "Hey, what's up?" message because we had a high match rate, and he responded with a paragraph on how boring his summer was. HOT! Really.
That's another thing: If you're gonna send an email that just says "What's up?" or "Hi" there'd better be something pretty spectacular about your profile. Like a picture of you accepting a Nobel Prize or stills from the commercial you shot for Calvin Klein.
If you compliment her appearance, make sure you comment on something else in her profile. Ask at least one question. Keep your initial email BRIEF - like no more than two paragraphs of two or three sentences each. UNLESS you find a particular topic of conversation within her profile that warrants an intelligent extended response. Otherwise, just pick two or three things to comment on. Too much grasping at commonalities comes off as either desperate or overwhelming.
Oh, and one guy, upon seeing that I had signed on to read his message, sent me a follow-up email chastising me for not responding immediately. He had made an off-color joke about my profile that I actually didn't find offensive at all, but I was just reading the message on my cell phone while running errands. He assumed I had taken offense and when I did not respond in LESS THAN 20 MINUTES, sent me an email that suggested I was a humorless hypocrite. I thought that was hysterical. And then when I stopped snickering, I deleted his message and blocked him.
The emails I respond to? Usually the ones where the guys comment intelligently on something in my profile and ask non-invasive questions. Photos don't have to be anything spectacular either - if I've learned one thing, it's that photos lie. I once spent 5 minutes standing next to a date texting back and forth before we realized we were there to meet each other. We each thought the other to be much more attractive in person. But that's not the only time that has happened.
Emails that exhibit anger, unhappiness or insecurity get chucked instantly. Guys who immediately proposition me or start asking me about my favorite sexual position are also deleted. Guys with low match rates and noticeably incomplete profiles are also not going to get more than a glance.
That's another thing: If you're gonna send an email that just says "What's up?" or "Hi" there'd better be something pretty spectacular about your profile. Like a picture of you accepting a Nobel Prize or stills from the commercial you shot for Calvin Klein.
HAHAHAHA This one is my favorite!
Great topic Jrz! If I were some of you guys having a tough time, I'd print this out and stick it on my mirror. These are like bible passages!!
Dude, it would be funny if it wasn't SO DAMN COMMON. I guarantee you every woman on these boards who has an online profile gets two or three of those types of emails a week AT LEAST.
Although, being over 35, mine tend to be emails from the 19-25 set asking if I like younger men. I'd like to think it's because there's a rumor going around that older vaginas have magical properties, but I suspect the emails are mainly based on the assumption of desperation.
By not replying to men who send you messages like that, you don't seem to be tested enough in life for me to give you a second glance. You haven't had to build yourself up from disappointment in responding.
I get a lot a lot a lot of messages. I don't respond to these:
1. Men who have children in their photos. You should never post a photo with anyone who can't consent to their image being on line, and in particular in this way. You have violated a sacred trust.
2. Men who talk about or have photos of their Harley. It's just me. Not interested.
3. Men who say they are "laid back" and/or "easy-going" (or 'easy going' or 'easygoing'). Hon, if you're gonna lay me back, you better not be laid-back! haha and don't "go easy" either, I sure don't. Usually it really means they are actually high-strung and high maintenance, IMO.
4. No photo. I might answer, but only if you are super-interesting in other ways. I won't arrange to meet you though.
5. Bike shorts! Please, no. And no muscle shirts, bathroom selfies, or photos with arm around some unidentified female. (wife? gf? daughter? who?)
Here's what would make me respond:
1. YOu ask me good questions in an email, that require more than a yes or no answer.
2. You seem interesting.
3. You fall within my stated age range
4. YOu have at least 3 photos, but no more than 10, because that's weird/self-obsessed/or desperate.
5. You read sometimes.
Eh. I ask questions about women's profiles all the time, and i either get ignored or I get one word replies where I was expecting an explanation. Giving me a clear sign that they have no interest, so I drop it and move on.
Happens every time, and it's irritating. i love where I live, but it's a cesspool for dating, at least for me it is.
i never send a message unless a girl looks at my profile first , when this happens i always send the following email
" well hello there miss whoever , not often i manage to draw the attention of a beautifull lady "
after that hunk of cheese , i mention something about the whole internet dating phenomenon and ask her how she,s finding it
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