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Been talking to a 20 year old girl for over a year now. We are very close. We have always had a great chemistry and got physical a few times. Nothing heavy at all but definitely outside the "friend" zone. We never were anything official though. During the summer she met a kid who lives closer to her ( i love in another state for school) and she fell reallly hard for him. Infatuation, butterflies, the whole 9 yards. hes a very good looking guy and has alot of attitude and cockiness that girls like. She told me about him and tried to underplay how much she cared but i knew. Now time has passed and she realized that she didnt have the same connection to him that she has with me. We talk everyday for hours but when she is with him they argue a lot. I dont get to see her in person so he has the advantage over me in that. Plus he takes more control physically and I know that gets her excited.
She told me this week that when she was really into him she would send texts and messages to him telling him how much she misses him and how much he means to her etc etc. Shes has never said things like that to me. She told me that she tells her friends Im perfect but that she doesnt know who she can see herself with. From what i see, he gives her this electrifying attraction and gives her goosebumps but there isnt a lot of connection going on beyond that. I dont think she feels that for me but she knows that im like her other half and we are very compatible. Here is my question:
Should i just walk away from it all. and say that if a girl cant make up her mind then I dont want to wait in the wings? Im not really looking for a relationship and part of me feels like if she has that passionate attraction to him, maybe i should get out of her way and let her just be with him. In the long run, i think she is looking for that druglike feeling and I dont think i do it for her. Im a very funny and charming guy but with her, i feel lucky just to talk to her so i lose my edge sometimes and maybe come off needy and too "happy to be here" type attitude. I know she cares about me but maybe just a brother? She said she could see herself building a a life with me and I dont think she'd say that if she wasnt attracted o me at some level. its just not with the intensity as this other guy. I just wish I was better looking! oh well. Anyway, please shed some light if you have any tips. thank you
Maybe she is confused as to what you want.
In one sentence you say you don't want a relationship however, in the rest of your sentences you appear to want a relationship.
Until you decide what you want it will be hard for her to decide what she wants.
The answer to your question though is: SHE is the only one who knows who she wants so you need to decide if you do in fact want a relationship with her and tell her or you don't want a relationship (as you stated). Then decide if you want to stay friends with her.
thank you for the reply. I understand what you mean. I think "big picture" question i have is do girls usually go for the guy who gives the "electric butterflies, thrill, excitement" feelings or the guy who is more like a best friend soul mate type. My hunch says a girl at 20 is going for the excitement.
thank you for the reply. I understand what you mean. I think "big picture" question i have is do girls usually go for the guy who gives the "electric butterflies, thrill, excitement" feelings or the guy who is more like a best friend soul mate type. My hunch says a girl at 20 is going for the excitement.
Personally at your age of 35 going for a 20 year old is very close to emotional suicide.
It is doubtful you are even remotely close to the same maturity level nor life experiences.
Your choice what to do but that choice cannot be made with a general blanket:
"What do most girls go for"..........every woman is different so there is no one thing that can be done that is right or wrong.
No blanket statement is going to cover all girls. Some would like one thing, some would like the other. Asking what kind of guy they like is like a girl asking a group of other girls " what is the sport that guys like?"
I'm not sure where the 35 is coming up from but if I filled that in anywhere it should have read 25. Im 25. even that is old to be going after a 20 year old girl. Its crazy because there are several better looking girls in my circle interested in me but im not interested because I cant seem to put this situation to rest. I have assigned this high value to this girl and its so difficult to let go. its like the fact that she doesnt see as much value in me has registered very strongly with me. I made myself too available and I think that also killed some of the attraction. I know girls like a challenge.
Give her a challenge. She does seem to like that rather than the attentiveness. Back off, see if she moves toward you. Or you could do what the other poster suggested, figure out what you want with her and ask her for it.
35 came from your other post, my apologies if I looked at it wrong.
I still would not deal with someone on a romantic level who appears to want the smitten part of attraction with a lot of arguments to go along with it.
It just seems like a waste of time and energy to me.
Again your choice but I can tell you there is no human on this planet worth all that aggrivation or such a tall pillar to be placed on top of.
Move on. If she really wants you, then she'll respond to you asserting your value. Right now, you show you're willing to wait around while she messes around with some other guy.
She sounds VERY immature.
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