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I'm not dating anyone, no interested, have no prospects, but being single I've had some time to think back on some past situations. And there is one situation in particular that I brought up to a friend a few weeks ago. This friend told me I handled this in a poor way, but let me tell you the situation.
So a few years ago, around 2009, I was still doing the internet dating thing (pretty much stopped it all about a year later). Long story short, me and a young lady talk on the phone, and we had a really good vibe. I took her out to a nice lounge, fairly upscale, and we're sitting down. We talk for awhile, things look like they're going ok. I'm not sensing any awkwardness, and she appears to be comfortable. So I finally decide we should get some drinks, but I noticed our waiter was slow to get to our sitting area. So I just walk up to the bar, and tell her I'll be back. Of course the bar was packed, but about 15 minutes later, I go back to our table....
To find another guy talking to her. Not only did she not introduce me as her date, she asked me if I wanted to sit at his table. I stupidly agreed. Then I started to try to ask her a question, then she was like "hold on a minute" and continued to chat with this guy. This went on for about 10 minutes, and I had enough. I go up, told her "I'm about to use the restroom" and got in my car, and was gone.
About 40 minutes I'm at home, and I get a call from her. I answered, and she ask where am I. I told her I went home. She asked me why, and I said "do I even need to ask". I told her to have that guy take her home, but she said she had left because she told him that she had rode with me. After she threw some 4 letter words at me, she asked "Are you coming back to get me? I hung up. Never spoke to her again.
So was this situation handled correctly? And if not, how should I have handled it. Again this happened years ago, I think I handled it just fine. But for the sake of argument, what other alternatives were there?
Handled wrong, but only because you didn't immediately tell her to eff off when you got back to the table to see her talking to some guy that wasn't her brother or close friend.
There were some bad moves made from both you and her.
She didn't introduce you as her date, so she was assuming you were either friends or just enjoying each other's company for a few hours. Was it implied that you were taking her to a date? It seems like you were thinking it was and she wasn't.
If this was a date, then she was very immature with the rest of her actions in talking to another guy and asking her to his table, and not paying any more attention to you it seems.
You could have not lied to her, and I would have just told her that I was leaving and to find her own way home. I don't think I would have said anything about using the bathroom.
In the end she was upset because you stranded her and lied to her, so the profanities was probably warranted, but honestly I'd have hung up after she started to get upset lol.
I assume she didn't know the guy right? And it was fair for you to assume it was a date. Maybe you shouldn't have just left her there, but unless you were hours away from home, she could take a cab.
Anyway, I always think the first sign of a good person, particularly on a date (or whatever) is respect. I can think of two examples.
Recently went out with a girl, same thing. Couldn't find a waiter, went to the bar, came back to find two guys talking to her. When they asked her about other cool bars in the area, she replied "ask him [referring to me], he knows". Once they realized it wasn't going to happen, they started to be cool, bought us all drinks, and eventually left. Other time I was out with my ex, left her for what seemed like two seconds, and she was surrounded. When I came back she put her hand on my back and made it clear that she was with me. A reverse situation happened where my ex went to the bathroom and I started chatting with a few girls at the bar, when she returned, my attention returned to her.
Point being, whether it is a first date/meeting or a gf, respect is in order unless otherwise indicated. You seem to have done nothing to deserve such disrespect. And people know the difference between idle chatter and inappropriate behavior and flirting. For her to ask to sit at his table and turn her attention to him was disrespectful, and she either knew better or doesn't have any manners.
I'm not dating anyone, no interested, have no prospects, but being single I've had some time to think back on some past situations. And there is one situation in particular that I brought up to a friend a few weeks ago. This friend told me I handled this in a poor way, but let me tell you the situation.
So a few years ago, around 2009, I was still doing the internet dating thing (pretty much stopped it all about a year later). Long story short, me and a young lady talk on the phone, and we had a really good vibe. I took her out to a nice lounge, fairly upscale, and we're sitting down. We talk for awhile, things look like they're going ok. I'm not sensing any awkwardness, and she appears to be comfortable. So I finally decide we should get some drinks, but I noticed our waiter was slow to get to our sitting area. So I just walk up to the bar, and tell her I'll be back. Of course the bar was packed, but about 15 minutes later, I go back to our table....
To find another guy talking to her. Not only did she not introduce me as her date, she asked me if I wanted to sit at his table. I stupidly agreed. Then I started to try to ask her a question, then she was like "hold on a minute" and continued to chat with this guy. This went on for about 10 minutes, and I had enough. I go up, told her "I'm about to use the restroom" and got in my car, and was gone.
About 40 minutes I'm at home, and I get a call from her. I answered, and she ask where am I. I told her I went home. She asked me why, and I said "do I even need to ask". I told her to have that guy take her home, but she said she had left because she told him that she had rode with me. After she threw some 4 letter words at me, she asked "Are you coming back to get me? I hung up. Never spoke to her again.
So was this situation handled correctly? And if not, how should I have handled it. Again this happened years ago, I think I handled it just fine. But for the sake of argument, what other alternatives were there?
I don't blame you for leaving however, you did pick her up and take her so I don't think you should have lied to her and told her you were going to the bathroom and stranded her without warning.
Yes she was rude, yes she should not have done what she did but you should have told her you were leaving and she needs to find a way home since the date with you had apparantly ended when the other guy came along.
Well, I can't say that I blame you for handling it the way you did. I'm not surprised a guy sat down with her while you were away. But it was way out of line for her to a) suggest the 2 of you join him at HIS table, and b) to brush you off and continue talking to him for 10 minutes, at his table. I agree with the above, though, that you should have been assertive (not over-the-top angry, though) and said you were leaving since she was clearly enjoying (and appeared to be preferring) someone else's company.
Talk about clueless (on her part). But all kinds of crazy stuff can happen, dating, so... just another crazy experience.
When you said you were going to get drinks and didn't come back for 15 minutes, she probably thought you had ditched her.
Ordinarily, if the service was that slow, you would go back to the table after 5 minutes and tell her you were afraid it would be a while, and maybe the two of you would decide to move the convo to the bar while you waited, or go somewhere else. You don't jut leave a date alone for that long.
Sinc she thought you had left, she started up a conversation with someone else. When you unexpectedly came back, she tried to handle the awkward situation with grace, by suggesting you all three hang together.
She was not entirely wrong in pegging you as the sort of guy who would walk out without telling her you were leaving, since that was what you did next.
When you said you were going to get drinks and didn't come back for 15 minutes, she probably thought you had ditched her.
Ordinarily, if the service was that slow, you would go back to the table after 5 minutes and tell her you were afraid it would be a while, and maybe the two of you would decide to move the convo to the bar while you waited, or go somewhere else. You don't jut leave a date alone for that long.
Sinc she thought you had left, she started up a conversation with someone else. When you unexpectedly came back, she tried to handle the awkward situation with grace, by suggesting you all three hang together.
She was not entirely wrong in pegging you as the sort of guy who would walk out without telling her you were leaving, since that was what you did next.
Probably the strangest response you might read in this thread.
If a woman can't handle herself for 15 whole gee golly minutes by herself, what does that say about her?
He wasn't gone a half hour or more like when he actually did ditch her afterwards. If she was curious whether or not she was ditched, she could've called or texted him to make sure he was still in the place and avoided that whole awkward moment. Instead she basically ditched him after 15 whole minutes of waiting.
If this is how dating works in today's world, you can have it.
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