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My boyfriend (now 30) and I (now 26) broke up this summer after one year of relationship and 10 months of living together (we moved in together really quickly, which was probably a mistake). After two months being apart, we started meeting again and soon became a couple again. We talked a lot about our problems and it seemed to work- Ever since we're back together everything has been going great, much better than before. We were able to solve our problems and we're barely fighting, also I'm staying most of the days and nights at his place.
I moved out directly after we broke up, so I got my own place now. We've been back together for 5 months now and he still hasn't asked me to move back in, nor has he even brought up the topic of me moving back in in the future (moving into his apt because he owns it, while I'm just renting).
Even the opposite- The place I'm living in right now is not really nice. I rented it because I desperately needed a place after our breakup. Yesterday he was at my place and we were talking about some of the downsides of my place and he said 'Why don't you look for a new apartment from January or February'?
I was pretty disappointed- I mean if he doesn't want me to move back in right now okay (although I think after 5 months he could ask again, since we already lived together), but now he's even suggesting me to rent a completly new place alone, starting in a month or two. For me that looks like he doesn't even think about me moving back in, not now or in the future (at least not in the closer future).
I really don't know what to think now. All in all we've been together for 1.5 years now, since we've been back together everything has been going great but still no talk about moving back together some time. Sometimes that makes me feel like he's with me because he likes being with me right now, but he doesn't really plan a future with me. In the beginning of our relationship he also talked a lot about us getting married and having kids some day, referred to me as 'the love of his life', now nothing of this anymore. Well, he still frequently tells me that he loves me and that he enjoys being with me, but no moving back in talk or any other future talks.
What do you guys think? And what would you recommend me to do? Thanks
I think he's making a wise decision to move slowly with you. You both made the mistake of moving in together hastily. Why are you rushing to move in with someone?
You both broke up during the summer for a reason. It looks like he's understood those problems, but you haven't. Would you mind discussing what the original break up was about?
Just because you're living in a not so nice place doesn't mean you should move in with him. You've been back together for five months now and should probably move at a slow pace considering you've already broken up once. And really, it doesn't matter if you've already lived together. That didn't work out, so it's not a valid reason to move back in.
And what's wrong with living alone? Living alone is awesome.
I agree with drunkwithwords, he's being cautiously wise. He hasn't told you straight out you'll never be invited to move in with him again so leave it at that. Find a new place, continue dating and see where it goes in the future. You sound like you want to rush things too much.
I agree, he is being cautious. I would do as suggested and work on finding a new place, continue dating, and see how things go. No rush. Sometimes it's nice to have your own private space away from men.
Things are not the same as they once were. You've only been dating again for five months. Wait a few more months before inquiring about his long term plans for your relationship. By spring you should have a good idea where your relationship is going. If he says nothing by then, just ask. Don't continue dating too long without a sign of commitment. Don't press for moving in together. He will either ask you to marry him or you should move on.
Buy a new place. Better than renting, and then if you want to move on, you can rent it out. Make him come to you, don't always do the 'walk of shame' in the morning.
I don't understand this wish to live with him. What's so great about living with him?
More to the point -- why do you want to live with someone who doesn't seem to care to live with you?
If your current apartment has problem areas but you can deal with them, I suggest you stay where you are. Why move again? If your relationship with your boyfriend develops further, and he asks you to move in with him again, you'll only have to move once. If the relationship goes south, then by all means move to a nicer apartment.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gouligann
If your current apartment has problem areas but you can deal with them, I suggest you stay where you are. Why move again? If your relationship with your boyfriend develops further, and he asks you to move in with him again, you'll only have to move once. If the relationship goes south, then by all means move to a nicer apartment.
I don't really agree with that. It is likely she would develop even more resentment by staying in a crappy apartment and having it build up as she waits and waits for him to ask. He may ask in 5 months, or two years, or perhaps never.
She should be seizing control of her life and be living as an independent, adult woman that is dating someone and not holding herself back waiting for someone else to act. That isn't a position of strength or a healthy dynamic.
I think he's making a wise decision to move slowly with you. You both made the mistake of moving in together hastily. Why are you rushing to move in with someone?
Not sure wiser words will be typed in this thread. Good thought, DWW. OP, you said it was "probably" a mistake to move in with him so soon. Why can't you see tyis would likely be a repeat of the same thing all over again?
Don't like where you live? Find another place to live alone.
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