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personally i dont know why anyone would want to get married. why not just live together? marriage seems so final, so archaic, so legal! who thought up this marriage thing? and then if you happen to get divorced youre supposed to feel ashamed or a failure? marriage is not for everyone and i feel bad for the young people who have no idea what theyre getting themselves into.
I love being married. I love the commitment to my husband and my son. I actually love saying the word husband. After being single for 35 years, you can keep it. Of course if the choices are being miserable married or happy single, then single wins.
personally i dont know why anyone would want to get married. why not just live together? marriage seems so final, so archaic, so legal! who thought up this marriage thing? and then if you happen to get divorced youre supposed to feel ashamed or a failure? marriage is not for everyone and i feel bad for the young people who have no idea what theyre getting themselves into.
I agree - I'm all for the live-in sig. other scenario. But in some states, they'd consider you married (common law marriage). Also, being married can have financial benefits, such as domestic partner insurance, income tax deductions, etc. Not to mention if you plan on having kids, it's better that they're not bastards.
i agree that marriage can have financial benefits. it can also have financial NON-benefits (such as being married to an over spender or bankruptcy). i dont believe in the whole bastard thing anymore. that's pretty outdated thinking imo. i mean really, what is the difference in being a kid coming from a common-law marriage or a divorced one? i only say this since over half of marriages end in divorce.
Quote:
Originally Posted by beowulf7
I agree - I'm all for the live-in sig. other scenario. But in some states, they'd consider you married (common law marriage). Also, being married can have financial benefits, such as domestic partner insurance, income tax deductions, etc. Not to mention if you plan on having kids, it's better that they're not bastards.
i agree that marriage can have financial benefits. it can also have financial NON-benefits (such as being married to an over spender or bankruptcy). i dont believe in the whole bastard thing anymore. that's pretty outdated thinking imo. i mean really, what is the difference in being a kid coming from a common-law marriage or a divorced one? i only say this since over half of marriages end in divorce.
I guess I'm old fashion in that kids should have a legal mother and father. : \
Yes, there are many non-benefits ("cons") to marriage. One would hope the to-be husband and wife think long and hard before making what should be a lifelong commitment.
According to him, the first marriage is to find out what you're looking for in a marriage. To figure out what you enjoy, what you don't, and what you expect of your spouse. (trying very hard not to laugh) What do you think of this?
I mean, maybe I'm a little too old-fashioned. I thought that one of the marriage vows was 'until death due us part'. Maybe I misread them. lol I, personally, don't feel at all as if there should be the option of "second marriage", "third marriage", "fifteenth marriage"... You know? I mean, can you see what I'm saying here? I think if you go into a marriage thinking, "hey, if it doesn't work I can always get rid of you," that you're dooming yourself. Just my opinion...
I would imagine that counselor was probably telling them to take some lessons away from their first marriages. After being married once you definitely do have a better feel for what makes a marriage work- or not work.
Unfortunately many people don't learn.
In a perfect world.
I've overheard a lot of office chatter and the most important lesson many young women seem to learn is that they should have hired a PI earlier. Its amazing how slick some men can be.
Well, at least their kids are likely to inherit this very valuable trait. That, and the good looks. They'll need these since being raised by a single mother, will likely preclude getting a good education.
According to him, the first marriage is to find out what you're looking for in a marriage. To figure out what you enjoy, what you don't, and what you expect of your spouse. (trying very hard not to laugh) What do you think of this?
I mean, maybe I'm a little too old-fashioned. I thought that one of the marriage vows was 'until death due us part'. Maybe I misread them. lol I, personally, don't feel at all as if there should be the option of "second marriage", "third marriage", "fifteenth marriage"... You know? I mean, can you see what I'm saying here? I think if you go into a marriage thinking, "hey, if it doesn't work I can always get rid of you," that you're dooming yourself. Just my opinion...
This kind of thinking is why we have the divorce rate we do. Everyone is always asking how their spouse fits with their plans but never how they fit with their spouses plans. When you're in a relationship, it's not 100% for you. Once it becomes about what you enjoy and you want (what happened to what your spouse enjoys and wants??) you're pretty much done. It's hard for self centered people to stay in relationships.
My vote is one marriage. One you work at. One where you improve yourself to improve the relationship and worry about how you can improve your partners life instead of thinking about yourself all the time. The one thing the marriage counselor told us that worked was to do three things a day for each other just to be nice. It's amazing how your focus changes once you stop concentrating on yourself.
According to him, the first marriage is to find out what you're looking for in a marriage. To figure out what you enjoy, what you don't, and what you expect of your spouse. (trying very hard not to laugh) What do you think of this?
I mean, maybe I'm a little too old-fashioned. I thought that one of the marriage vows was 'until death due us part'. Maybe I misread them. lol I, personally, don't feel at all as if there should be the option of "second marriage", "third marriage", "fifteenth marriage"... You know? I mean, can you see what I'm saying here? I think if you go into a marriage thinking, "hey, if it doesn't work I can always get rid of you," that you're dooming yourself. Just my opinion...
I'm working on my thrid divorce and calling it quits to marriage. It's getting too expensive.
I'm working on my thrid divorce and calling it quits to marriage. It's getting too expensive.
Never to late to smarten up.
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