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Is your cycle regular and predictable? If so, you only need birth control for about 10 days per month.
The diaphragm is good for that. You can wear it all the time if you want to, to be ready for 'spontaneous'. Just take it out and rinse it and redo the gel every 4 hours or so (maybe every time you pee, or every other time). Or keep it by the bed and get quick about putting it in, so you don't disrupt the flow of things too much .
I am trying to understand why 'spontaneous' means the diaphragm doesn't get used. Does it take you longer to put in than putting on a condom takes him? If so, why is that? Do you not know how to put it in while lying in bed, or feel you have to do it in the bathroom? If you pause for birth control does your hubby lose interest in sex?
Does your hubby not consider birth control a higher priority than instantaneous sex? Does he want kids right away?
I am trying to understand why 'spontaneous' means the diaphragm doesn't get used. Does it take you longer to put in than putting on a condom takes him? If so, why is that? Do you not know how to put it in while lying in bed, or feel you have to do it in the bathroom? If you pause for birth control does your hubby lose interest in sex?
I would think if she's inserting a diaphragm she'd want to wash her hands before she puts it in? I would.
OP, could you compromise and use condoms for the more spontaneous times and the diaphragm for those times when you know it's going to be happening?
You and your husband need to sit down and discuss this at a time both are calm, identify all the possible solutions and work through them until you find one or two that are mutually agreeable.
For example, you are limiting the solution to type of birth control used. Why cant you redefine what is spontaneous and what is sex?
If he initiated spontaneously and you had a full bladder wouldn't you say hold on one sec and go to the bathroom? Why cant you just say hold on a sec and use your diaphragm?
Why cant spontaneous sex be a type of sex that doesn't involve the risk of pregnancy.
Why cant the solution be both of these things, plus his use of a condom from time to time?
I am trying to understand why 'spontaneous' means the diaphragm doesn't get used. Does it take you longer to put in than putting on a condom takes him? If so, why is that? Do you not know how to put it in while lying in bed, or feel you have to do it in the bathroom? If you pause for birth control does your hubby lose interest in sex?
Does your hubby not consider birth control a higher priority than instantaneous sex? Does he want kids right away?
A lot of good questions here and a lot of good information in this thread.
You definitely both need to be educated on all your options, then create priorities and remove excuses
It also sounds like you may need to find better condoms - there are many differences between brands & types and things that can be done to enhance any lost sensation
Neither my wife or I prefer condoms .... but we prefer them to other forms of birth control or having another pregnancy ......... we have two kids, may consider a 3rd - but definitely not yet
That is our priority
So birth control is a must and we want one that has very little room for oopsies, she doesn't do well on the pill or patch, the other methods also have their downfalls in our opinon
So condoms it is - at least until we either have another kid or go forward with having no more children at point I'll undergo something a bit more permanent
On those occasions I ask him to wear a condom, but that request usually leads to him behaving strangely towards me.
What do you mean he "behaves strangely" toward you? Does he then withhold sex? Does he get turned off? Does he pout or go through with it like it's a chore? Obviously there is something going on in his head. You need to find out what that is.
Maybe it's a trust issue. Could he think that you want to use it because you want to protect him from an STD? Could he think that you don't trust him and want to protect yourself from an STD? In other words, is he seeing this as more than a basic request for contraception? If so, that's a pretty big thing you two need to talk about.
But if he's just annoyed that he has to wear a condom, he needs to get over it. The momentary difference in pleasure he'd get from going bareback is not worth an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy. He needs to remember that although he would become a father before he wants to, you would not only become a mother before you want to, you would also be the one dealing with the weight gain, swollen ankles, backaches, vomiting, labor, and altered career before you want to.
I would think if she's inserting a diaphragm she'd want to wash her hands before she puts it in? I would.
If she is in the middle of gardening or cleaning the toilet, definitely. But, with ordinary levels of cleanliness, I don't think many people wash their hands before fingering a partner, so how is inserting a diaphragm different?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondy
If he initiated spontaneously and you had a full bladder wouldn't you say hold on one sec and go to the bathroom? Why cant you just say hold on a sec and use your diaphragm?
Yes
Quote:
Why cant spontaneous sex be a type of sex that doesn't involve the risk of pregnancy.
My husband and I have been married for two years. We are both STD free and I definitely trust that he is extremely committed and monogamous in our marriage. We have decided not to start a family as of yet, due to our upcoming job relocation and extensive traveling plans.
I don't like birth control pills because of the side effects and I'm not really consistent with remembering to take the pill each day, which renders it ineffective. I also don't like the idea of getting the depo provera shot. Usually, our source of birth control is a diaphragm and him withdrawing (sorry for being so explicit). But many times sex is spontaneous and I am not wearing a diaphragm. On those occasions I ask him to wear a condom, but that request usually leads to him behaving strangely towards me.
I am wondering if anyone else has this problem with their husband. If so, how were you able to resolve the issue. I know that I want to wait a few more years before having children. I realize that he doesn't like condoms, but it seems like condoms are our best option when we have spontaneous sex. This is so frustrating!
You obviously just can't appreciate how much a condom can restrict pleasure for a man
They are what many would call a "necessary evil" in most cases - NO MAN likes to wear them.
Your attitude about birth control pills is a bit childish. You "can't remember" to take a pill once a day?? COME ON. If I were your husband I'd be "behaving strangely towards" you too.
Is your cycle regular and predictable? If so, you only need birth control for about 10 days per month.
The diaphragm is good for that. You can wear it all the time if you want to, to be ready for 'spontaneous'. Just take it out and rinse it and redo the gel every 4 hours or so (maybe every time you pee, or every other time). Or keep it by the bed and get quick about putting it in, so you don't disrupt the flow of things too much .
I am trying to understand why 'spontaneous' means the diaphragm doesn't get used. Does it take you longer to put in than putting on a condom takes him? If so, why is that? Do you not know how to put it in while lying in bed, or feel you have to do it in the bathroom? If you pause for birth control does your hubby lose interest in sex?
Does your hubby not consider birth control a higher priority than instantaneous sex? Does he want kids right away?
It is regular, but definitely not predicable every month.
Based on my doctor's instructions, the diaphragm should not be worn all day and all night because doing so can cause infection, irritation or even a complication called toxic shock syndrome.
It doesn't take me a very long time to use the diaphragm, but it is definitely not as easy as a condom. He definitely doesn't lose interest, but he wrongly believes that I'm making things more complicated by choosing this method.
I am not really ready to have children yet, because I am starting a new position and we enjoy traveling a lot. Having a baby would definitely complicate my life at this time.I want to make certain that I'm settled and ready for motherhood.
Is your cycle regular and predictable? If so, you only need birth control for about 10 days per month.
The diaphragm is good for that. You can wear it all the time if you want to, to be ready for 'spontaneous'. Just take it out and rinse it and redo the gel every 4 hours or so (maybe every time you pee, or every other time). Or keep it by the bed and get quick about putting it in, so you don't disrupt the flow of things too much .
I am trying to understand why 'spontaneous' means the diaphragm doesn't get used. Does it take you longer to put in than putting on a condom takes him? If so, why is that? Do you not know how to put it in while lying in bed, or feel you have to do it in the bathroom? If you pause for birth control does your hubby lose interest in sex?
Does your hubby not consider birth control a higher priority than instantaneous sex? Does he want kids right away?
Excellent post Nila.
A diaphragm is soooo quick and easy. It probably takes as long to insert as putting on a condom.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
You obviously just can't appreciate how much a condom can restrict pleasure for a man
They are what many would call a "necessary evil" in most cases - NO MAN likes to wear them.
I like the peace of mind they give, however, once again, if all you've used is crap brands like lifestyles and trojans, then yeah, you think they're this horrible thing. Try some good ones (generally imported). Heck, the fact that those brands sell and people still use crap like KY and Wet fro lube simply amazes me.
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