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I was seeing a married lady. I know, not a great idea...but she replied to an ad I posted about looking for someone in a similar situation to mine. I am in a sexless relationship. It's bad and has been for decades.
She is in a similar situation, only not as long. There are family and health issues which keep her in the marriage. Suffice it to say that we are both in relationships that are 'dead'. She told me her marriage has been over for several years. Her husband resents her for things out of her control, says hurtful things to her and has no physical intimacy with her. I will not get into why I am still in the bad relationship, nor do I need any lecture on morality. I am in need of some help before making a decision that will possibly impact several lives.
This lady and I have been involved for one month. We connected on so many levels and continued to find many things in common. We talked for hours on end, for weeks. I have grown to care deeply for her. We hung out a few times and were intimate one time. Having her in my life was truly life changing for me. Prior to knowing her, I welcomed death. My day to day life was just that miserable and lonely. After meeting her, my mood was elevated beyond belief. People around me even began to notice. I had purpose in my life again. We spent one blissful night together. It was incredible. This is a connection I never dreamed would happen to me again in life. After the night together, she stopped communicating. She only responded to me in short sentences. She did not reach out for several days. Then...I get an email. She tells me that she is fraught with guilt. Not about cheating on her husband (who has been cruel and cold) but about how she is taking time away from her children and feels guilty every time she looks at them. She has a health issue and the guilt has supposedly kept her up at night and the lack of rest has impacted her health negatively. So...she says she just can't do it anymore. I understand. I do not like it...but I understand.
My decision comes down to this: I have formulated a letter to her husband. I plan to let him know what went on between us. I am not doing this out of spite...ok, perhaps partially. My primary concern is for this lady. She deserves to be happy. She is in the prime of her life and this guy has her believing she is worthless. She will only end up doing this again and there is a good chance the next guy may not just walk away. A younger, less stable male would not be as reasonable about this scenario. I fully accept that we are done. I hope by letting the husband know they can either get help and fix their situation...or he will let her move on. I only want this lady to find happiness and better health in life. Sending the letter will be viewed as an act of betrayal...by her. It will kill any chance of us remaining friends and or possibly reconnecting down the line. I understand that. Part of me also believes that the way she handled terminating the relationship (suddenly ignoring me for days, followed by the abrupt 'dear John' email) has her deserving a similar dose of reality. I was never anything but kind to her. We shared so many intimate thoughts and feelings. She knew what being involved with her meant to me...yet she unceremoniously punched me in the gut...without so much as the decency of doing it face to face or even via phone conversation.
So...thoughts on sending the letter? Please, spare me the sanctimonious lectures on 'cheating', morality, etc. I'm just looking for opinions on the letter.
Don't send a letter. Her marital issues are none of your business, and you only ever knew one side of the story anyway. You are not going to be a credible source of info to the husband and are just going to create more grief for this woman. Just walk away, lesson learned.
ehhhhhhh, people like this are great at disguising their own faults and making others look bad.
I'm sorry but I'd take a lot of what she says with a grain of salt. Stay out of their marriage if you're trying to be some guy thinking you're swooping in to help. You're not.
Either way, she's having an affair.. which is low class.
I hope you do not seriously think a letter to her husband telling him everything that has happened is going to protect her. You may get her a severe beating at the very least or killed if he is that hateful to her.
YOU need to leave this woman alone, DO NOT tell her husband anything and if YOU feel the need to CONFESS..... Confess to your own wife and tend to your own marriage and your own life.
If you want to save someone and make things better for them..........leave your wife so she can be happy instead of living with and married to a man who thinks it is just fine to lie, cheat and "protect" someone else's wife.
Sending a letter to the husband of some woman you slept with once is one of the most idiotic ideas I've read for a long time. You will achieve nothing and may put her in a dangerous situation depending in her husbands temper and/or jealousy levels. Walk away and stop sleeping with unavailable women.
That would at least soften the blow a bit and add a little humor. I'm sure the husband would be appreciative that you took such things into consideration!
--Dim
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