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I was brought up to believe that decent human beings occasionally question their own motives and cross-examine their own attitudes. I was taught to ask myself, from time to time, am I being fair? Am I being reasonable? Am I being selfish?
Sometimes, it seems to me people try to get around doing this kind of introspection by using the phrase, "it's just my preference."
So, for example, the 54-year-old, 300 lb. man with a bald head and high blood pressure who only wants to date slim, sexy 20-somethings with long, wavy hair isn't a delusional hypocrite--that's just his preference.
Or, the white woman who categorically refuses to consider dating a black man regardless of what kind of person he is isn't a racist--that's just her preference.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Yes, but I don't believe you can force yourself to be attracted to something your not. Not without a lot of self work. Or as your change over time perhaps your preferences do.
There isn't any harm in it, as long as you're not a "wah wah, why can't I get a date" or "why do I always attract losers" types.
I think to call it preference is fair. Some things you can't force. That doesn't mean one's preference is attainable or realistic, but a preference can't be forced. I do beleive preferences can evolve over time, though.
Yes, but I don't believe you can force yourself to be attracted to something your not. Not without a lot of self work. Or as your change over time perhaps your preferences do.
There isn't any harm in it, as long as you're not a "wah wah, why can't I get a date" or "why do I always attract losers" types.
And even then - the only harm done is still to the person themselves when they push all their friends away in addition to any romantic prospects!
People can be as picky, bigoted, racist, hypocritical as they want to when it comes to what they want in a partner. Either they find what they are looking for or they don't. Personally, I would never want to date a person like that anyway - so I'm fine if they didn't give me a chance because I was part Jewish, part Japanese, too curvy, not curvy enough, not religious, etc.
Oh - and this doesn't mean that I don't think they are stupid or racist or whatever - it just means that it doesn't affect me so they can be whatever they want to be.
Or, the white woman who categorically refuses to consider dating a black man regardless of what kind of person he is isn't a racist--that's just her preference.
Does anyone see what I am getting at here?
No. I do not. Do you?
I too have never seen a black woman I have been sexually attracted to. Whatever my preferences are - they simply do not include black women.
Is it possible there is one out there I will be attracted to if I saw her? Sure it is possible. But I simply do not expect it going on past experience in real life - on screen - in pictures - etc etc etc.
This IS a preference and not racism. For it to be racism I would have to be making a comment about black people or black women. I am not. I am making a comment solely about me. Not them.
Summary: "Black people are inherently unattractive" = Racist. "Black people have never been attractive to me personally = Not.
Yes, but I don't believe you can force yourself to be attracted to something your not. Not without a lot of self work. Or as your change over time perhaps your preferences do.
There isn't any harm in it, as long as you're not a "wah wah, why can't I get a date" or "why do I always attract losers" types.
This is where the preference fails. The person that has a huge laundry list, but clearly keeps getting messaged by douchebags. Their preferences have a tendency of working against them. I don't particularly want to read don't be this, don't be that. It reminds me too much of being pigeon holed, which I don't care to be. Just state yourself as fair as possible and flat out accept what you get. No one cares if you get messaged by douchebags. I think what it is is that they are interested in these types, but they hate they turn out to be douchebags. If he wasn't a douchebag than we would never hear about it, because they would be off the site and happy. See where I'm coming from? I think it's more of they ARE attracted to the douchebag persona, but don't like how the douchebags treat them.
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