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As much as I hate admitting this, looking for the silver lining in situations is how so many of us make it through life. You find the one thing(s) that justifies your actions and brings peace to mind. Sometimes I hate the silver lining, but it's a necessity at times.
Personalty merit of mine (can be a flaw too--rose colored glasses phenomena and all. But I think it's mainly a merit): I always see a silver lining--I don't even have to look for it. Then again, I am naturally optimistic. But you are right, finding the silver lining can help a lot in life.
That's what I don't understand either. You like someone, it turns out they don't like you back in a romantic sense. Why is sticking around, pining for them and pretending to be their friend a preferrable way to live instead of walking away and seeking someone who will return your affections?
Basically, the friend zone is taking something over nothing, in the minds of the "friended" person.
That person typically doesn't get much attention from other prospects, has low self esteem and/or doesn't think they have other options out there.
Also, let's not leave out the friend zone situations that blur the platonic lines, like the women who will go on psuedo-dates, show affection, and watch movies/cuddle with their friend zone guy but not take it any further.
To be fair, the female version of the friend zone is the man who has sex with her without wanting to commit.
Plenty of that going on too.
For starters, women, rarely, if ever, get placed in the freindzone. It's mostly men who are placed in the friendzone by the women who they're pursing romantically. On the other hand, men who are being pursued by different women will have some kind of intimate relationship with all of them, but what an individual woman has to deal with is trying to get that man to be solely committed to her.
That said, the reason why men become so unhappy with being placed in the friendzone is because by being placed in the friendzone, the woman gets all the advantages as if the guy were her boyfriend, but the guy doesn't get what he wants (i.e., sex, female affection).
Good points, but both scenarios ARE fair comparisons despite the sex vs no-sex differences. Women who are strung along by men who have sex but won't commit is a similar comparison, because the goals of most men and women are generally different. Many friended guys would be a lot happier if she were sexing him all the time in addition to the friend zone designation. Many women, on the other hand would not be happy with this arrangement.
If you read between the lines of those who complained about being friend zoned:
Man's friend zone = she's not giving me sex (commitment matters less)
Women's friend zone = he's not giving me commitment (sex matters less)
Basically, the friend zone is taking something over nothing, in the minds of the "friended" person.
That person typically doesn't get much attention from other prospects, has low self esteem and/or doesn't think they have other options out there.
Also, let's not leave out the friend zone situations that blur the platonic lines, like the women who will go on psuedo-dates, show affection, and watch movies/cuddle with their friend zone guy but not take it any further.
To be fair, the female version of the friend zone is the man who has sex with her without wanting to commit.
Plenty of that going on too.
Basically, the friend zone is taking something over nothing, in the minds of the "friended" person.
That person typically doesn't get much attention from other prospects, has low self esteem and/or doesn't think they have other options out there.
Also, let's not leave out the friend zone situations that blur the platonic lines, like the women who will go on psuedo-dates, show affection, and watch movies/cuddle with their friend zone guy but not take it any further.
To be fair, the female version of the friend zone is the man who has sex with her without wanting to commit.
Plenty of that going on too.
Or they KNOW they don't have options. However those that know this aren't likely to allow themselves to be used.
I sound like such an old fogey, but I find things are much more sexualized these days than when I was a teen/early 20s, half my life ago.
I see pictures of girls who are friends, and they're wrapped around each other, pasted to each other, posing with tongues almost touching, whereas when I was younger, the most you'd see was an arm flung around someone's shoulder. If I was at a guy friend's house watching a movie, we sat on the couch or in armchairs, we didn't snuggle together like we were in a quasi-relationship. I'm not explaining it well but there just seem to be fewer boundaries between many younger people nowadays, and people don't know where the boundary lines are when there are none. I can see why some feel there are mixed signals. Again, that ambiguity that IMO wasn't prevelant like it is now.
They're attention leeches and aren't getting it from the kind of guys they really want to be with. So, they take what they can get while keeping him at a distance sexually.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jma501
Or they KNOW they don't have options. However those that know this aren't likely to allow themselves to be used.
Why aren't they more likely? If one desires attention and doesn't have options, don't many take what they can get, and see being "used" as superior to being alone? Not everyone is built to be a monk.
They're attention leeches and aren't getting it from the kind of guys they really want to be with. So, they take what they can get while keeping him at a distance sexually.
Why aren't they more likely? If one desires attention and doesn't have options, don't many take what they can get, and see being "used" as superior to being alone? Not everyone is built to be a monk.
If one is smart enough to know he has no options then he is also smart enough to know he would be setting himself up to be used.
If one is smart enough to know he has no options then he is also smart enough to know he would be setting himself up to be used.
I think you give people too much credit. The desire for companionship is much greater than the desire not to be used.
Maybe you get enough attention from the opposite sex to have never worried about this dilemma. If so, I am happy for you!
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