Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half. He's 28, handsome (but has never played on his looks which is something I love about him), smart with a great career going. We get along great even though I'm a bit more outgoing than he is. So here is something I need some advice on.
He has recently started to talk about how he misses not having "played around" in his life. When we met he had come out of a long relationship, His "past" is a pretty small number. He knows (cause I've told him - no lies here) that I have a more adventurous past. And he was completely alright with that and still is.
A couple of months ago we went on a holiday with a couple we are close friends with. One day we were all sitting on the beach drinking and having a great time when the guy from the other couple said something like "there's alot of fine a** here!" Well his girlfriend jumped right in and said "hey! You've had more than your share of fun and you now have the best buster." I saw that my guy got a funny look on his face so I pretty much repeated the same thing about him.
Later that night he brought it up and thanked me for saying what I said. He was talky so I listened. He regrets that he hasn't had sex with a bunch of women. He regrets that he doesn't have alot of memories or stories (like the other guy has). And he regrets that he doesn't have the experiences that I have had.
Since then he has started to become, I think, a bit distant. Even though we love each other he has somehow changed. I can't really put my finger on it.
So I want to really show him that it's quality not quantity that matters (even though I've had some quantity...) and not sound stupid or something.
I would really like some advice, maybe especially from other women who have had similar experiences.
Should have could have would have. Can't change the past. I understand how he's feeling. I've only been with one person since I was young. Now we're getting divorced. I wish I had more experiences when I was in my "prime"
Interesting that he would think like that if he's happy. I didn't regret not having any more partners until I realized I regretted marrying him. Just saying.
You say that he has become distant. Are you concerned that he is thinking about going out and having more "experiences" with others? I know that sounds so rude, but its the first thing that floated to my mind.
Gosh I wouldn't know how to take what he has admitted. Just seems so odd that he would tell his gf about these regrets. I'm not sure I would want a man who might be going thru life with these regrets. I'd probably ask him if he wants to be set free.
Gosh I wouldn't know how to take what he has admitted. Just seems so odd that he would tell his gf about these regrets. I'm not sure I would want a man who might be going thru life with these regrets. I'd probably ask him if he wants to be set free.
I agree, and personally, I would question my relationship if my partner had those regrets.
When talking to him, you can mention how those guys in their 20's might feel when they are in their 30's, or 40's. Although it might have been great fun then, how are you going to feel when your son or daughter wants to take the same path? Or how about when you meet a great woman and she is on the opposite end of the spectrum, and feels like your "accomplishment" will make her uncomfortable about being with you, maybe she will just feel like another number at that point. Things may seem fun now, but the the consequences will last a lot longer than a roll in the hay.
What's sad is how many people have trouble finding a good partner they are happy with.... the casual hook-ups are much more common by comparison. It's naive to think one can spend years doing the casual thing & then move easily into a happy, monogamous relationship whenever you are suddenly ready.
If you've been practicing short, selfish encounters, then you will not have been developing emotionally for a relationship either, not to mention, compatible partners are not just waiting around for whenever you feel like it.
It's sad he cannot value what he has when it's likely more rare & special than the experiences of his peers.
Also, why quantity is seen as better sexual experience than a partner who knows & cares for your needs & desires doesn't make sense to me. A bunch of one night stands over sex with someone who's familiar with your likes/dislikes & whom you have a bond with? That's preferred?
I have no idea how you could communicate that without being preachy. I suppose it's good he's emotionally close enough to you to communicate his feelings, but it's sad he doesn't appreciate that closeness, especially considering you seem reasonable & concerned, not angry with him. He really doesn't appreciate what he has.
What's sad is how many people have trouble finding a good partner they are happy with.... the casual hook-ups are much more common by comparison. It's naive to think one can spend years doing the casual thing & then move easily into a happy, monogamous relationship whenever you are suddenly ready.
If you've been practicing short, selfish encounters, then you will not have been developing emotionally for a relationship either, not to mention, compatible partners are not just waiting around for whenever you feel like it.
It's sad he cannot value what he has when it's likely more rare & special than the experiences of his peers.
Also, why quantity is seen as better sexual experience than a partner who knows & cares for your needs & desires doesn't make sense to me. A bunch of one night stands over sex with someone who's familiar with your likes/dislikes & whom you have a bond with? That's preferred?
I have no idea how you could communicate that without being preachy. I suppose it's good he's emotionally close enough to you to communicate his feelings, but it's sad he doesn't appreciate that closeness, especially considering you seem reasonable & concerned, not angry with him. He really doesn't appreciate what he has.
I agree.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
