could use some advice this time around (dating, women, kissing)
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So a little over a month ago I met this girl and we hit it off really well. Im in my late 20's, shes in her early 30's. After the first few dates it seemed great, good conversation, cuddled and watched a movie, and after the third time we went out we kissed and after that she went distant. Before then she would text and say she was just thinking about me and wanted to see how I was, and we would both text back and forth flirting etc. After a few days of her seeming distant I asked her if everything was ok and she said that she felt I made the whole kiss moment was awkward cause I just stood there. We kept talking after we kissed and I expressed that I wanted to stay a little longer but she knew we both had to be up early for work so we exchanged goodnights and I left. We still spoke throughtout the night like everything was ok though so don't understand what happened.
Well for the next few weeks it started going back and forth between her seeming interested then going distant. And I would send a few cute "have a good day, or feel better soon" pictures but she felt they were to mushy/high schoolish which is fine. Well finally this past week it seemed like it was getting worse in a way, so I called her and talked to her about it to make sure she was ok. Well she finally said that she has been distant because shes had a lot on her plate and didn't know if she wanted anything serious right now. She said that she wanted a relationship at some point because it has been a while for her but that she wanted to be friends for now, because she didn't feel she could devote enough attention to anything else except maybe a few days a week (which I told her a few days a week wasn't a bad thing). The whole time we spoke she seemed like she had an attitude about it slightly. She was pulling up to go eat and I was heading to gym so we decided to continue the conversation later.
She called me back late that night but I was sleep. I ran out real quick the next day and she text saying she called and since she didn't hear back she didn't know if there was any more discuss. I txt and apologized and told her I had already fallen asleep, then I tried to call her about 30 min later and no answer so I figured she may be busy and waited till later that evening. I didn't hear anything back so I text to see how her day was and we started texting. I asked if she wanted to finish our conversation and she said "if you want." So I called her. I told her that I didn't really have anything else to add cause she already knew how I felt about her (told her last conversation that I thought she was beautiful and awesome and I really liked her), and didn't know if she wanted to add anything.*
She said she had alot going on with work, school, and trying to get a second job and that she just doesn't know if she wants a relationship at all, even though sometimes she thinks she does, and that she just wanted to be friends, and that she felt bad but she had to make sacrifices. I told her I understood and that I just wanted to ask cause she hadn't been very communicative about feeling that way prior. She said that sometimes she just doesn't wanna talk about things etc. And I told her I just felt like everything had went distant after we kissed and then she went back into how she felt I just stood there after she kissed me and how kissing is a big deal to her. I explained to her that I felt everything went fine and that I didn't mean to make anything seem awkward, it was just that I had gotten excited about her kissing me was all...I still felt criticized saying that... Well we continued and she spoke about how she noticed that I was really affectionate but she didn't seem to say it was a bad thing. She explained how she really wasn't much affectionate etc. Honestly she seemed pretty emotionless in my opinion about the whole situation.
We finally ended the conversation and I asked her if she didn't want anything serious period cause I didn't want to keep coming off as if I was talking to her like we were dating i.e. "baby...sweetie etc" cause I knew that if I felt like she did I might now want all that either and she understood and said just friends for now. I then told her I understood where she was coming from and had been there before and felt that way. She replied saying it was funny how I had "always been there or knew how she felt." I told her I was just trying to relate cause I understood, and she replied "I'm in my early 30s, I'd hope I had been there before by now too." with an attitude I felt... Then we said goodnight etc and hung up.
I spoke to her once yesterday kind of a random comment about how the weather sucked and walmart was crowded and a pain and she responded back about how she still needed to go to. I'm so used to always being nice and texting her good morning, have a good day, goodnight etc and now its all different. My question is should I give her space and not speak to her for a few days maybe? I have no*problem being her friend. Just dont understand how she can be so emotionless/careless or at least seem that way...
Give her space. I would have grave doubts about someone who got distant because of some perceived flaw in my body language at the time of the first kiss. That's weird. This seems like a person who nit-picks, and will always find something wrong, even when everything's right.
It was only a few dates. You made it out to be way more than it was. For whatever reason she decided she doesn't want to pursue a relationship with you. In my honest female opinion, sometimes women say things like well, let's just be friends and see what happens because they don't want your attention to go away, but they don't want to be accountable to you. Have you ever seen the HIMYM episode about being on someone's hook? Hey, men do this too and I've had it done to me where a guy enjoys the time and attention I spend on him, but he wants things on his terms. Things definitely wouldn't be so complicated and dramatic with someone who really liked you and vice versa. It was only a short time you invested in her. Let it go.
Things definitely wouldn't be so complicated and dramatic with someone who really liked you and vice versa. It was only a short time you invested in her. Let it go.
Thanks for all the replies! I definitely agree with what is being said. It was just that instant change in attitude that had me thrown off and lack of communication about it till I asked. I just believe in being honest and straight forward.
Give her space. I would have grave doubts about someone who got distant because of some perceived flaw in my body language at the time of the first kiss. That's weird. This seems like a person who nit-picks, and will always find something wrong, even when everything's right.
Just my 2 cents.
Yes, I agree with that too. He seems like a good communicator and for whatever reason she is wanting to nit pick at him.
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