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You would be surprised what some men are willing to deal with if they like a woman. I have seen this first hand many times, I know several men who have gotten.involved with women with kids and I.have seen the interaction between the man and her kids and it is not a nice one. It is obvious that he is simply tolerating her kids because they are part of the package but they aren't particularly crazy about the kids.
Those same people are everywhere. The most undesirable men I have ever met were all single dads.
Some parents are single because they got "bored" of the relationship, they divorced because the spouse got fat (one charmer told me this), some parents are divorced because they were the cheater or the abuser. That's not discussing the baby daddies who dumped the women when they got pregnant or those who didn't love the woman enough to marry her.
The reason many people without children marry parents is because they were desperate to marry anyone. I guarantee many of them would have preferred to have married childless/childfree but figured the parent was all they could find. I know this because many have told me this. Several are divorced or unhappy.
There you go again speaking for other people and making asinine claims. You should know that anecdotal evidence is not evidence, and a host of individuals have a knack for spreading whole lies in order to validate their bogus claims and biases. You can't guarantee anything, least of all anecdotal experiences.
And the most undesirable men I've come across were bigoted, simple-minded, and lacked critical and objective thinking.
There you go again speaking for other people and making asinine claims. You should know that anecdotal evidence is not evidence, and a host of individuals have a knack for spreading whole lies in order to validate their bogus claims and biases. You can't guarantee anything, least of all anecdotal experiences.
And the most undesirable men I've come across were bigoted, simple-minded, and lacked critical and objective thinking.
Those aren't asinine claims they are things people have said to me. Not one childless person I know who married a parent is still married or even happy, not one. I'm sure it's different if the kids are grown or in cases like widowed but definitely not when there are young kids and the parent is still around. There are stats out there about the divorce rates and they are high for these marriages.
Who are everywhere? People you have amazing chemistry with and incredible sparks with, in addition to compatibility and shared goals?
Ok. Congratulations.
Smart, fun, professionally accomplished, women are everywhere, but that is far from enough. That isn't even close to enough. For me finding that amazing chemistry that needs to be there to fall in love doesn't happen everywhere. It is actually quite rare to find. It is elusive. And when I find it, I know their being a parent won't prevent me from acting upon it.
SOME. But we aren't looking to date SOME, we are looking to date one person.
I would think most well put together adults would be able to figure out who a good person is and not judge them on the generalities of their demographic.
+1. I mean, is it really *that* difficult to understand? Just because you (general) are not keen on dating someone from X or Y demographic does not mean it is an issue for other individuals, nor does it imply these individuals are desperate.
If you're concerned about the divorce statistics then by all means, either don't get married or really, really hope you don't get a divorce. I don't see what other people choose for their life has anything to do with you, or why your position and ideas are somehow absolute. They're not. They apply to you. There are increased risks or drawbacks for a host of choices, lifestyles and practices people engage in. Do you feel the need to police everyone about every decision they make?
If you're concerned about the chances of having to support a single parent and their kid then don't date a single parent. But what other folks do is of no concern of yours, so you have no say in what benefits them or their situation.
I couldn't care less if childless date parents, I just know I never would and am tired of parents getting butt hurt because people like me avoid them. They bring baggage and nope, not giving my money to his family. I think it does say a lot about how some people don't value marriage when they divorce for lame reasons then expect to find someone like me and get upset because this will not happen.
SOME. But we aren't looking to date SOME, we are looking to date one person.
I would think most well put together adults would be able to figure out who a good person is and not judge them on the generalities of their demographic.
Yes one person isn't hard to find and there are childless of all ages. Why shouldn't childless judge parents who couldn't stay married? I realize some do divorce for legit reasons (like Jillabean who had a gay husband)but divorcing because the spouse got fat? The reality is divorced parents failed at marriage. Maybe rightfully so, maybe not. Those who had kids out of wedlock didn't care enough to try.
Those aren't asinine claims they are things people have said to me. Not one childless person I know who married a parent is still married or even happy, not one. I'm sure it's different if the kids are grown or in cases like widowed but definitely not when there are young kids and the parent is still around. There are stats out there about the divorce rates and they are high for these marriages.
When you're relying on anecdotal experiences to make claims or generalizations about a group of people, it's asinine.
It would be just as asinine of me to say "A Catholic marrying an agnostic or Jewish person would not work. It never works. They always regret it in the end. There's just too much conflict for such a relationship to work, and I *know* this because friends and other people have shared their experiences."
Just because it applies to some individuals, where some people feel strongly about interfaith dating/marriages, it doesn't mean every individual feels the same, or that every interfaith relationship faces the exact challenges and struggles. I have friends in interfaith marriages and it works fine, and I know others where it obviously did not work.
One or even many people's anecdotal experiences can not be effectively used as "evidence" for the larger whole. I knew full well that I wouldn't date or marry someone religious, but if it works for others, so be it. Good for them. I wouldn't dare claim "it won't last" or "they were just desperate in the end," because I don't know that couple and the ins and outs of their relationship. Also because it's a sh*tty thing to claim. I also wouldn't date a Republican, but I know there are progressive individuals who don't feel the same way. However, the majority I know do feel that way. But just because I know a lot of progressive individuals who wouldn't date Republicans doesn't mean they ALL feel that way.
Yes one person isn't hard to find and there are childless of all ages. Why shouldn't childless judge parents who couldn't stay married? I realize some do divorce for legit reasons (like Jillabean who had a gay husband)but divorcing because the spouse got fat? The reality is divorced parents failed at marriage. Maybe rightfully so, maybe not. Those who had kids out of wedlock didn't care enough to try.
Your bias and bigotry are showing. You claim one thing "I don't care what other childless people do" in one sentence, and then go on to spout nonsense in the next. Which, again, may point to you having deep seated biases and prejudices.
The "reality" is, you don't know sh*t about why other people's marriages dissolved, and you should stop fooling yourself into thinking you do know.
I couldn't care less if childless date parents, I just know I never would and am tired of parents getting butt hurt because people like me avoid them. They bring baggage and nope, not giving my money to his family. I think it does say a lot about how some people don't value marriage when they divorce for lame reasons then expect to find someone like me and get upset because this will not happen.
You constant description of your disdain for dating parents makes it seem like you think these parents are like rabid bats circling you and always threatening to bite you. Don't you have an ignore button in your head? Nobody's actively out to get you. Dating isn't mandatory.
Reminds me of a former, semi-racist acquaintance of mine who moved into a neighborhood that's known for an ethnicity he particularly disliked. I think he just liked to have a reason to puff himself up.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou
Yes one person isn't hard to find and there are childless of all ages. Why shouldn't childless judge parents who couldn't stay married? I realize some do divorce for legit reasons (like Jillabean who had a gay husband)but divorcing because the spouse got fat? The reality is divorced parents failed at marriage. Maybe rightfully so, maybe not. Those who had kids out of wedlock didn't care enough to try.
Wow, ok, I guess you have a lot more chemistry and connecting with people than I do. I can count on one hand the number of people I've met that I'd consider marrying and it hasn't worked out with any of them in 25 years of dating. It isn't that easy. Finding dates is easy. Have a relationship with a nice person is pretty easy. Finding someone and falling madly in love? Nope.
I don't know anyone that divorced due to someone getting fat. Or because they were bored. I know few divorced people at all actually, and the ones that did have quite legitimate reasons, and the single parents I know that chose to have a child did so proudly and are great parents. They could have married and had a kid, but just didnt meet the right person. One of those I dated and she is now engaged to the person she dated after me. Great woman, smart, accomplished, a tenured professor at a fine school, she just didn't meet someone and she knew she wanted a child so she had one.
But you're a very judgmental and critical person. Glad dating is easy for you as is falling in love and finding someone to marry and have a family with. I'm pretty surprised at that, honestly. I don't know many people that would deal with your judgmental-ism in a relationship.
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