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My husband and I both work full time. I wouldn't say my hubby is a slob....but he isn't as organized as me. He'll do what I ask him- maybe not as soon as I would like....but god forbid I am sick one time and can't do any housework- the house goes to h#ll and makes me realize how much I do, or I request of him.
How I fixed some things:
1- he too was with the receipts and papers. Our whole bedroom would be neat-except for his bureau. God it looked like a 13 year old kids! Then he started making our mail drawer like that. So I had enough. I told him, like i would a kid, that if he didn't clean up both I would throw everything out and not even look twice at something. Two days later, I guess he doesn't take my "nagging" seriously, I did what I said I would. Yeah, he got mad...but he knew I was right. Let me just say what an improvement both have been (not perfect, but good enough I will not complain. He just has to see me give his bureau an evil eye and then he'll clean it up).
2- the clothes. I told my children that they both have hampers and any clothing I find on the floor I will cut up in front of them and throw out. Yep, after i said that I had to do it. My oldest son hasn't left a thing on the floor since then and my youngest has improved. Then my husband does it!! Hello, you're 34!! So then I cut something of his up! He too has to improve...but it was better than before.
3. As for wash- if he didn't help me and learn to do it right, I wouldn't do any of his clothes...AND he would have to wait until after the household's wash got done. Between washing all of the sheets, towels, two children's clothes and my own...at one time he didn't have clean clothes for work and had to do it late at night. I still don't get help with a random load washing...but he helps me fold and put away.
When they act irresponsible like children, I have found to treat them like a child and give conquences, and act them through. He gets mad, but knows I mean business, and doesn't turn it into an all out fight because he does know I am right.
It has made it better.
she has found her hill and by god has planted the flag! Good Job, happy marriage, I am proud of ya
Oh my gosh, last summer I said to someone just conversationally, humorously "sorry, my daughter's hair has a tangle in the back, I chased her with the de-tangler but couldn't catch her" and she said "my daughter knew that the hair I brushed was the hair she could keep". [Feel cold front sweep through the room ...]
I'm just not like that, couldn't be married to someone like that, couldn't be friends with people like that (well, I do have friends who are like that, but don't care if I'm not). But that's just me. Tangle head.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrshvo
My husband and I both work full time. I wouldn't say my hubby is a slob....but he isn't as organized as me. He'll do what I ask him- maybe not as soon as I would like....but god forbid I am sick one time and can't do any housework- the house goes to h#ll and makes me realize how much I do, or I request of him.
How I fixed some things:
1- he too was with the receipts and papers. Our whole bedroom would be neat-except for his bureau. God it looked like a 13 year old kids! Then he started making our mail drawer like that. So I had enough. I told him, like i would a kid, that if he didn't clean up both I would throw everything out and not even look twice at something. Two days later, I guess he doesn't take my "nagging" seriously, I did what I said I would. Yeah, he got mad...but he knew I was right. Let me just say what an improvement both have been (not perfect, but good enough I will not complain. He just has to see me give his bureau an evil eye and then he'll clean it up).
2- the clothes. I told my children that they both have hampers and any clothing I find on the floor I will cut up in front of them and throw out. Yep, after i said that I had to do it. My oldest son hasn't left a thing on the floor since then and my youngest has improved. Then my husband does it!! Hello, you're 34!! So then I cut something of his up! He too has to improve...but it was better than before.
3. As for wash- if he didn't help me and learn to do it right, I wouldn't do any of his clothes...AND he would have to wait until after the household's wash got done. Between washing all of the sheets, towels, two children's clothes and my own...at one time he didn't have clean clothes for work and had to do it late at night. I still don't get help with a random load washing...but he helps me fold and put away.
When they act irresponsible like children, I have found to treat them like a child and give conquences, and act them through. He gets mad, but knows I mean business, and doesn't turn it into an all out fight because he does know I am right.
You are correct about males, most of them having only slightly matured to the age of about 7, if they are lucky. They are full of habits, mostly bad. They don't like to be told what to do, and resist listening. Some are organized, but most are not. It is easier to change how you feel than to change him. Changing him will never work unless he wants to change. That said, the same can be said of wormen. In conclusion, men and women are mostly immature, but interesting. You can't hope for much more than what you have.
have you tried the new detangler by yaya?
my daughters have tons of thick hair and it even works when their hair gets matted!
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldenmom7500
Oh my gosh, last summer I said to someone just conversationally, humorously "sorry, my daughter's hair has a tangle in the back, I chased her with the de-tangler but couldn't catch her" and she said "my daughter knew that the hair I brushed was the hair she could keep". [Feel cold front sweep through the room ...]
I'm just not like that, couldn't be married to someone like that, couldn't be friends with people like that (well, I do have friends who are like that, but don't care if I'm not). But that's just me. Tangle head.
In defense of my boyfriend, he did move into my place. So about washing the dishes, I do them because there aren't too many of them and I prefer to wash them by hand, and not use the dishwasher. It's a habit I learned from my mom. But my boyfriend is someone that prefers to use a dishwasher. Then his mom has a woman that comes in to her house once a week to clean the bathrooms, launder the towels and such. So some of his lack of housekeeping desires is due to being caught in the middle between my way and his mom's way of doing things. But he could be better with where he throws his dirty clothes. And no, he does not want to hire a housecleaning service for our place either. And I could delegate the duties better also. I need to be more specific about what I would like his contribution to the household duties to be. But sometimes it's just easier to do it right away, than to wait until he gets home to tell HIM to do it.
Thanks for so many reply and feedback. I feel better to see so many sharing from you all. Thank you so much.
Foma, your first sentense made me laugh. Thanks for the laugh. I need that
No, we won't consider hiring yaya (that's what they called the maid this day?). My believe is my husband and I are still young and capable to do the house chores. We should take it as our responsibility to do it. Plus, hiring yaya cost something too. So, I will leave that kind of spending in our future when we are really busy till no time to rest. This way make sense to me.
Thankyou silverwing, I guess I have to try many ways to figure out what's working and what's not. yeah. Sometimes when I was in stress, small mess would create a fight between us, which after that I looked back to the incident surely admit it was kind of silly for me to waste my energy for that fight and felt emotionally disturb after that. It would be better off if I just did it.
mrshvo, you really have found so many ways to discipline your household members. I wish I have that gut to cut (thought about it sometimes) the clothes that was left on the flow, but looking at the money that I need to spend on buying new clothes for him, it just stopped my actions. However, I did try once to throw all the things which seemed junk to me (recept, papers, whatever ) in his car in the dustbin, and happily told him that I him cleanout his car. He was so upset and picked out the things which seem like treasures to him. It didn't work to force him to clean his car after that incident. (maybe I did it all the time when things got accumulated in his car, he would learn. Gee...) However, once awhile, I did joke with him, like when he left so much recepts in his wallet, I cleared them out, and put into a plastic bag, and told him " here, your new wife is in the bag, "she" seems so dearest to you, that's why you keep "her" so dearestly intact in the wallet, remember to sleep with "her" tonight" .He looked at me and quietly gave me that annoying look. Gee.....maybe I was too gentle to him...........
Maybe I should think that males' brains and female's brains are wired differently because of the genetic coding??? I think this is the only way I could be more forgiven to my husband messiness. yes, beside of the list of house chores, I think I need to list of mess that I don't like to see him perform. See how it goes from there. Gee....how do I help him grow up at the same time trying to help myself to grow up too.
Thanks.
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, that if he didn't clean up both I would throw everything out and not even look twice at something. Two days later, I guess he doesn't take my "nagging" seriously, I did what I said I would. Yeah, he got mad...but he knew I was right. Let me just say what an improvement both have been (not perfect, but good enough I will not complain. He just has to see me give his bureau an evil eye and then he'll clean it up).
Gee.....maybe I was too gentle to him...........
Gee....how do I help him grow up at the same time trying to help myself to grow up too. 
