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Hi
I just join the community today. I visited to many posts in this community for the past few weeks and feel that I should join. So, here I am.
I am sorry to limit the range. I married for many years. I wonder is most of the husbands are very unorganized and you have to pick up the mess all the time around every corner of the house.
My husband is very unorganized. He couldn't group things specifically around the house. He couldn't manage folders or categories them. His car is a mess. I have to neat up for him all the time. His wallet is full with junk papers (receipts or notes), I have to ask him to arrange them from time to time. His work bag is always getting heavier and heavier because of all the papers or notes that he kepts putting in but never wanted to set a time to arrange them or throw what's unwanted. There was once I asked him to trim the bushes, he trimmed them, but the end result made me laugh myself on the floor. the bushes looked like being bit by sometihng, chunk here and there missing, look like a hole in between here and there (hope you know what I mean). He helped me with the laundry. I have to be details and specifically tell him what to do when folding the clothes, give him training over and over...many times, but once a while I still need to go back to the closet and categories everything and refold many of them. He leaves things here and there without consider where they should belong to. If I complain about his being unskillful or should take initiative to improve himself, he would get mad and upset. I have to lie to myself and keep encourage him, and praise him when he get something done (not exactly as what it should be). He would be very happy. If I told him this should be done this way, he would on and on feel upset and complaint that I just said he did a good job, but why there is specific way to do it. Then, he would say my standard is too high...blah blah....I have to hold my feeling when he said that. and there were times, when we visited friends houses or when we saw some TV program about how to manage housework, he would realize that what I told him before was quite normal to do, as every household do it to make things work more effectively. Of course, he couldn't do any of the repairing work at home, but gladly he knows how to change the lightbult. We both work fulltime, but there were many times I felt so upset and tired of feeling him like a ungrown man (baby Or boy) and wanted to leave him, I couldn't imagine what I need to do more if we have children in the future. I don't have any relatives or families that live near me, nor do I discuss with them. (never, because I know them very well, they will make it as a topic to make jokes, it doesn't create constructive advice at all, but make me feel even more helpless).
Is this normal in males species? Is my marriage normal?
Do you have any constructive advise how I should handle this?
I do hope my husband and I could divide the housework equally, but at times it is just impossible.
I wonder is most of the husbands are very unorganized and you have to pick up the mess all the time around every corner of the house.
Are you sure we're not married to the same man?! I got married in 2004 so I guess I fit in this catetory ... my husband is very disorganized as well. It is the one thing that I wish I could "change" about him but alas, I got into this marriage knowing this about him so I must make do I guess. He does try and now that we have a temporary housemate, I've come to the realization that "it could be worse".
I can still kvetch though so here goes:
My husband's car is a mess, too, and it has a horrible odor. He doesn't keep a trash bag; his passenger side IS the trash bag and he will pile up the trash until it overflows to the seat. It's disgusting and needless to say we use my car when we go out together. I was considering switching cars with him b'c my commute to school is farther than his commute to work so we could save mileage on my car but I just can't seem to make that transition. I take care of my car!
My husband keeps his receipts ALL OVER THE HOUSE. I also see pennies laying randomly on the floor. He doesn't throw things away into trash cans. I always see random things lying on the floor whether it be a receipt, a penny, or just plain trash. It drives me NUTS!
I hate doing laundry b'c on top of folding the clothes I just washed, I have to re-fold what's already in the closet. If he doesn't want to wear something after he's pulled it out, he just piles it up on top of the folded pile. When I tell him to keep it organized, it's always half-ass. I just want to strangle him sometimes!
My husband likes to leave his socks, shoes, wallet, dirty clothes - you name it - all over the house. There is not one set, organized mess in a corner somewhere ... it's ALL OVER!
I will say this though, when I complain, or tell him to do something, at least he'll do it and he doesn't get made (unless he's just having a really bad day). He's got the "Yes, dear" routine down - although I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad!
I praise, too, which I think is really stupid b'c we do what we're supposed to be doing to maintain a house and we don't expect anything in return but our messy, disorganized spouse wants us to put him on a pedastal when he remembers to give me a receipt so I can balance the checkbook! What's up with that?!
Quote:
If I told him this should be done this way, he would on and on feel upset and complaint that I just said he did a good job, but why there is specific way to do it.
You know, I am that way, too, but I've come to realize this: is it really that there's a "right way" to do something or do I just want it done "my way"? I feel like sometimes I nag TOO MUCH and should just let some things go, even if it really annoys me.
I worry, too, about when we have kids how things are going to play out. It scares me, too, that I will be taking care of both my husband AND kids! What are you going to do though? Leave your husband b'c he can't keep the house clean? That seems unreasonable, no?
I think we as women just need to face the fact that our husbands are just slobs. Talk to him one on one and see if you two can come to an agreement. As a general rule, I tell my husband "Put things where they belong" and even though he doesn't follow it 100% of the time, I would say that there at least have been an improvement since we've been married.
I don't like to cast a lot of stones here, because I am not a neat person, particularly. But OMG!! My husband! I throw away every little bottlecap, pick up coins in every room, dirty socks, everything you guys mentioned.
Reps to both of you for going through this pain with me!
My husband is not as organized as I am, but he's definitely not a slob. He puts his laundry in the hamper (and even puts them in the right ones - we have one of those three-bin laundry sorters), and generally picks up after himself. Our basement is pretty much his territory (he repairs computers), and it's not as organized as I would like, but I only have to look at it when I'm passing through on my way to/from the garage.
I, on the other hand, am organized to the extreme. I think that comes from living in a 675 sq. ft. apartment for ten years - you have to be creative with storage.
He does have his organizational quirks, though. For instance, when eating colored candy such as Skittles, he sorts them all by color first. When eating chips, he puts some on a napkin or plate, then sorts them by size and eats the small ones first. I think it's the geek in him.
My husband is not as organized as I am, but he's definitely not a slob. [b][color="Purple"]He puts his laundry in the hamper (and even puts them in the right ones - we have one of those three-bin laundry sorters), and generally picks up after himself.
Ha hahaha......How did you manage that!
I can open the laundry hamper lid so he does not have to bother himself lifting the lid because I know it is such a hassle...... LOL..... and he still will drop them to the side or right in front of the laundry hamper? What the bleepity bleep bleep bleep is that all about? When I say something about it he will reply What?????? I put them right by the laundry hamper....LOL I swear....
My ex was a total slob and never changed; most men don't.
What really sucked about my ex-husband is that he called his mom to whine that he was doing all of the housework when in fact, *I* was doing all of it. You should have seen it when we were trying to sell our house; I was working full-time and keeping a house viewing-ready clean. I hated him for that.
I've had to deal with three different men over the years. Now I'm the kind of person who alphabatizes the spice drawer, and my dad kept everything in military order and could catch a dirty kleenex before it hit the floor.
Out of the three men in my life only one had the same mindset about these things (and everything else for that matter) that I do. One, I had to not only clean up his household disorganization but his business ones too. I finally had to push him out of the way and take over so he didn't get us into trouble. He was good when the kids were sick though and was lots of fun on occasion. The current one could live with a couch, big screen tv, and food. Oh, and his car which he polishes immaculately. I've gotten him into cooking so that is something we both enjoy and share all the duties of.
I don't know what the answer is. I'm not a nagger or a yellor. I find when we've done things together, in both cases, they have eventually learned a more acceptable way of doing things which seemed to take. Now, I have to teach his 30 yr old son not to leave his dirty socks on the front porch. My solution - to throw them in the garbage, but his dad keeps taking them out.
I've had to deal with three different men over the years. Now I'm the kind of person who alphabatizes the spice drawer, and my dad kept everything in military order and could catch a dirty kleenex before it hit the floor.
Out of the three men in my life only one had the same mindset about these things (and everything else for that matter) that I do. One, I had to not only clean up his household disorganization but his business ones too. I finally had to push him out of the way and take over so he didn't get us into trouble. He was good when the kids were sick though and was lots of fun on occasion. The current one could live with a couch, big screen tv, and food. Oh, and his car which he polishes immaculately. I've gotten him into cooking so that is something we both enjoy and share all the duties of.
I don't know what the answer is. I'm not a nagger or a yellor. I find when we've done things together, in both cases, they have eventually learned a more acceptable way of doing things which seemed to take. Now, I have to teach his 30 yr old son not to leave his dirty socks on the front porch. My solution - to throw them in the garbage, but his dad keeps taking them out.
I have thrown away things too! LOL.... My husband will say what is the matter with you......LOL...... my reply well I guess after asking this to be picked upenough times it was a unwanted item because it was left where it was..... so I threw it away......LOL...... It did help somewhat knowing I would throw it away after a point.....LOL.....
Hmmm... not married, but we're very committed about each other and we've been living together for 3 years. He's 26 years old.
He is a slob. Even though he says he likes things neat and organized, he is anything but. Dirty clothes get strewn everywhere. His basement desk and work area is disheveled looking also. Once this summer when my computer was broken, I was allowed to use his computer. And while I was at his desk, I cleaned the keys in his keyboard and organized his desk area. He loved what I did, but after I left, things went back to the usual mess. But he has ADD and is an impatient person. I think that the only way he'd improve is if we had a larger place with more dedicated areas for storage. Anyway, his good points still greatly outweigh his bad ones.
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