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We're both mid-twenties and were together 1.5 years. There were a lot of things that happened that made it a bit of a roller coaster. I had some depression issues come up and she had some insecurities with her body... we ended up arguing a lot and when we'd seem to get on track, it would come up again. Basically sex became an issue: when I'd try to initiate, she'd turn me down often. I told her it really bothered me and this put pressure on her. She said she'd go to counseling to work out her body image problems, but never made an appt when she said she would. I asked a couple times if she would and this made her feel pressured. Along with my anxiety, this was hard to deal with and felt like we couldn't get on the same page.
Thing is, I just feel like we never really took enough of a break from all the issues to relax or try to just go have some fun. I'm really regretting some things, but I feel like I've pushed her away for good. What happened was I got frustrated with her not making an appt to counseling and that led to us both saying we had enough. I felt like she wasn't interested in improving our relationship, and she felt like it wouldn't help. I'm sure my anxiety didn't help things. Around all of this, I've been buying a house, stressed at work, and pressured about marriage to her from all family bc everyone says how perfect we are.
So after the breakup, we go a week and I call telling her I want to swap things back. She tells me over the phone she's not doing good and is having a rough time. Then, the next day I go over to get them and she seems just fine and is smiling. We sit down on her bed to talk and she asks what I'm thinking and I honestly just feel super emotional. She then reads a note I wrote her a while back about how perfect I thought she was. Man, this really killed me and opened the flood gates. I started regretting a lot and blaming myself. She is crying too but holding herself ok. I tell her maybe we should try again and I'm sorry for making the mistakes I did. She tells me we can't keep doing it and are broken up. She said she needed time to herself to build herself up. I asked her if that meant she was moving on and she said no and she still loved me and would like for it to work again. I asked how long she needed and she said she didn't know, it could be months.
At this point I feel even worse. She would tell me she loved me and didn't want me to be upset. As I was leaving, she asked me to lay down for a bit bc she didn't want me leaving like that. We go lay down and she starts getting close, and ends up wanting sex, out of all things. Before we do it, she says she doesn't want me getting mixed signals. We connect and have great sex and then lay down and enjoy eachother like we haven't for a long time. The next morning she says she still needs no contact and that we need to both focus on working on ourselves. I ask again if this means she's moving on and she tells me to quit asking that. I asked her to come to church and she said she couldn't bc she had a lot of things to do. She said the breakup was mutual, but I can't help but be confused by the whole thing, especially that she had sex with me when that was part of our issue.
In a way, I feel like she is making me feel bad bc she felt not good enough bc of the sex. Is this it or is she moving on? I want to trust her but I'm so caught up with my own emotions I don't know what to do. I'm not going to contact her again bc I can't keep getting rejected. I want another try, to be honest. What is going on here and what should I do?
Her Facebook cover photo is still of us and we both haven't changed our relationship status. If I give her the space and keep no contact, will she come back?
I wouldn't say she is moving on or playing things, but having sex after the break didn't make sense and was probably unwise.
It is obvious you two have some real personal issues you need to work out before getting into a relationship. Generally people who get back together, it doesn't really work out well. Not all the time anyway. I do agree you two need some time to work out your issues before trying again.
Yeah it really confused me too. She was really into it and told me how much she had missed my touch.
I also agree we do need to work on ourselves. The way she talked to me made me feel weird though bc it was as if she felt sorry for me. She said if I ever needed her, she was there. I guess I'll just leave her be and focus on getting my head straight. She said everything didn't seem real and I understand that as i too feel somewhat of a surreal state.
The easiest way to find out the answer to your question is to ask her, she is the only one who knows if she is moving on or not.
Also, get off of facebook, it is worthless trash and too many people put to much into what is posted on facebook and call it the truth. She may never change the photo or the status or she may change it eventually, don't count on what is there as what she is doing or feeling.
Yeah it really confused me too. She was really into it and told me how much she had missed my touch.
I also agree we do need to work on ourselves. The way she talked to me made me feel weird though bc it was as if she felt sorry for me. She said if I ever needed her, she was there. I guess I'll just leave her be and focus on getting my head straight. She said everything didn't seem real and I understand that as i too feel somewhat of a surreal state.
Dude! She crazy!!
You got boom boom before you left and after a breakup?!
That's weird.
"This is your last piece of candy for a while." (He'll be thinking about me for a while after this)
I would get rid of her. She sounds like a lot of work and with anxiety it is not going to help you out at all.
You got boom boom before you left and after a breakup?!
That's weird.
"This is your last piece of candy for a while." (He'll be thinking about me for a while after this)
I would get rid of her. She sounds like a lot of work and with anxiety it is not going to help you out at all.
Thanks for the reply man. She is a drama queen and my anxiety seems to have a hard time with it. I just wanted to make it work and kept blaming myself or maybe my anxiety that ruined it.
And you think the sex thing is crazy too? I just don't get it. She was all hung up on religious guilt or fear of pregnancy outside of marriage yet she slept with me after the breakup after seeing how upset I was?
I was thinking it may have been my anxiety but at times I felt she just wanted control in the relationship. She a lot of times told me I was like her dad and set in my ways but that was when I didn't agree with her.
It helps hearing your opinion of the breakup bc it really messed me up for a bit after. I think I might just delete my FB bc it seems to cause more problems than it helps
The easiest way to find out the answer to your question is to ask her, she is the only one who knows if she is moving on or not.
Also, get off of facebook, it is worthless trash and too many people put to much into what is posted on facebook and call it the truth. She may never change the photo or the status or she may change it eventually, don't count on what is there as what she is doing or feeling.
I did ask her and she said she isn't moving on but just needs to learn to be strong on her own. I asked if she was gonna date around and she said she was going to date herself. Then she said she might date others but just for fun. I said that sounded like moving on and she again insisted it wasn't.
Then I told her she could go to church with me still and she said she wAs busy with lots of stuff. I don't see why I should ask anymore.
After the sex thing, I also feel like she may be using it against me. With the anxiety issues I've had, it's been hard to see things for what they are. I didn't like how she was appearing ok and I was going to have the problems with the breakup bc she assumes my anxiety will make me depressed. My only problem with our relationship was I wanted to feel more desired sexually and she took it as she wasn't good enough. I offered to help with several solutions to support her but over several months she showed no effort. Instead she said where I "obsessed" over it, that is caused things to never get better.
Wait a sec.. how did we go from Zach123 with Adk98 again?
OP (or Adk), no one on this forum knows her enough to call her crazy and to generalize your situation as she boom boom you, now you won't get candy. Anymore. How is that rational or even logical?
We don't know all the details of your relationship. How you handle your break-up can be very predictive of how your next relationship will work out.
If you want to take the advice of being bitter and angry instead of making peace with the situation, and forgiving what was wrong, and forgiving yourself, you'll never move on. Perhaps you can take some time off to sort your feelings. The interwebs can lead to a lot of negativity and non-conducive ways of coping.
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