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I lived with a conservative kind of guy (grew up with Catholic guilt/shame) for 13 years, and despite my considerable experience, lingerie, etc, he was never able to just "let go" and have sex with abandon, which is what I wanted.
My best friend (at the time) fathered four kids with his GF/wife and she once complained to me that not once in all the years they were married had he ever let her see him naked. At night it was always done in the dark, she said. He never allowed her into the bathroom when he showered or took his drawers off. I started to think that maybe this guy was like David Bowie from "The Man Who Fell To Earth". Maybe his tool was more like an alien proboscis. She eventually divorced him. Coincidentally enough, he also was raised staunch Catholic by a single, very hung-up-about-sex Catholic mom who had a shrine to the Virgin Mary in her bedroom--candles burning, incense, the whole nine yards.
OK, his past is his past, and he's much more outgoing than he used to be. That means he was motivated to change, and with time, he changed.
In fact, he has his life together now, from what you describe.
So the problem is, you really like the guy, he's experienced a lot of growth the past several years, he communicates well in the bedroom, and he has good sexual stamina. So once you overcome those problems, no wait, what?
Just the slightest bit sorry for the sarcasm. It was directed at some of the other posters.
From what you describe, he hasn't had much sexual experience. If his ability to get his life together is any indication, and I think it is, he learns from experience. The question seems to be whether you want to be a part of that.
I think you and your 30-year-old need to spend a super romantic evening in bed (once a week) candles, bubbly, music, scented candles the whole nine and just touch, cuddle and communicate mostly in a non-verbal way. Just holding each other, kissing and caressing and massaging each other. "Learn by doing" as it were Leave intercourse out of it for the time being because that's were the fear and performance anxiety come from. This type of um, "tutoring" is less threatening to the goal-driven male. He can learn indirectly and intuitively how to be a good lover if you guide him in this subtle and gentle way. Once his confidence builds in seduction and initiating an encounter the two of you can take your time and work on the "mechanics" (?) together. This has worked in a situation for me.
I think you and your 30-year-old need to spend a super romantic evening in bed (once a week) candles, bubbly, music, scented candles the whole nine and just touch, cuddle and communicate mostly in a non-verbal way. Just holding each other, kissing and caressing and massaging each other. "Learn by doing" as it were Leave intercourse out of it for the time being because that's were the fear and performance anxiety come from. This type of um, "tutoring" is less threatening to the goal-driven male. He can learn indirectly and intuitively how to be a good lover if you guide him in this subtle and gentle way. Once his confidence builds in seduction and initiating an encounter the two of you can take your time and work on the "mechanics" (?) together. This has worked in a situation for me.
Great post. A number of my lady friends have this issue. They want a guy that really brings it, but is also sensitive. They have real trouble finding it.
Funny you say that my BF has a sensitive he works at a children's hospital and is great with children and loves his job .
We meet when I was watching my nephew and he got sick with walking pneumonia and had to be taken to the hospital. I almost had a panic attack I was freaking out because I did no what was wrong with him. He was sick for about a week and was not getting better.
Teach him how to eat at the Y first or you're just wasting time.
The V?
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