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Old 05-18-2014, 02:13 AM
 
20 posts, read 41,599 times
Reputation: 33

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I've been dating a guy for about 4 months. We started sleeping together a little more than a month in. The first few times we had sex together it honestly was pretty bad but not the worst I ever had . He was a bit clumsy and inexperienced I could tell.I am the one that initiated it because I did not want to wait LOL .

He seems to really, really like me and I think he was just nervous the first few timnes. Because I really liked him I told myself that a few bad times in bed is not worth ending a relatinoship with this guy and the sex would improve in time. The sex has definitely improved markedly in the past few weeks, however, he is still a little reserved in bed for my taste. Although he is 30 and a bit inexperienced in the relatinoship department but I am not I had a few long term relationships and way more experienced.

He just can’t seem to relax and has a hard time climaxing and I feel bad. One good thing is he can go for a long time and can keep it up if you know what I mean.

My last BF did not last very long and a welcome change to have a guy that can last longer then 5 min.

Any way I do not understand why my BF never had a long term GF before normally red flags will go off but we got to talking and he told me why.

In hight school he had social anxiety and went to college and it kinda of went away because he did something about it he took classes that required him to talk to people . He did date and been on dates and asked woman out but nothing clicked. Go done with college and got a job but bounced around a few different places but could find the right fit. Than the economy took a hit and got laid off so back to the dead end job .

Got depressed and I felt like hiding in drugs or alcohol. Also felt like He failed in terms of what his potential was .Felt like he has not achieved my potential because I haven't worked that hard and I haven't found the right angles.He told me If He had only stayed focused, He would have been further along. It's this constant feeling of not having achieved enough. It's a paradoxical way to look at it—positive and negative at the same time. Who the hell am I to think I was entitled to this great career? That I should have done more? That I deserved more? I've done more than I deserved.

He had to do something so he went back to college while working full time . He just know he had to be willing to give up very thing to become successful. Dating was not really in the picture but dated.

One last thing is he did have a short relationship but he was a rebound guy . She was a girl he use to work with that just wanted to have sex with him.

Now he has a great job and is out going and driven with goals in life. He has a social life and more friends than ever. Also he is good looking so that is why I almost do not believe him but he said he has no reason to lie. On top of being very smart and funny .
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Old 05-18-2014, 03:40 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,744 posts, read 9,641,275 times
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Communicate verbally what you want. Give feedback during and after sex. He has to figure out the rest for himself. If you start teaching; he may start asking and progress from there.
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Old 05-18-2014, 05:26 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
10,280 posts, read 21,177,081 times
Reputation: 13694
Buy a how-to book on it. Practice.
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Old 05-18-2014, 06:33 AM
 
426 posts, read 486,127 times
Reputation: 471
You have a great opportunity here- you get to mold this guy into a sex machine. Tell him straight up that u are going to give him a gift he will always remember and one day he will thank you for it.
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Old 05-18-2014, 07:08 AM
 
Location: In the realm of possiblities
2,713 posts, read 2,439,489 times
Reputation: 3245
Fredrick's of Hollywood, and a book on Kama Sutra might turn the tide.
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Old 05-18-2014, 07:21 AM
 
14,921 posts, read 18,647,419 times
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I once read somewhere that when a guy goes beyond the age of 22 being a virgin, he becomes more likely to have permanent issues in the bedroom or related to sex.

This may be true. I know I wouldn't be surprised.

(and, before anyone freaks out, it just never addressed female virgins over age 22. The same may be true for them too)
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Old 05-18-2014, 07:57 AM
 
Location: Earth
4,569 posts, read 4,173,972 times
Reputation: 6947
That sounds like an excuse for guys who just wanna get laid--"If I don't have sex, i'll turn into an invalid". Virginity isn't a disease, and doesn't have an expiration date. People just have sex when they have it. It's not a traumatizing experience.

And I think the reason 1st times are so awkward and bad for most is because they don't learn about their body and do some homework before having sex. If more people did that, the 1st time doesn't have to be a nightmare. lol

Because I read up and did research, I know my body better. And learned I had an issue that would have made sex agonizing. So, I started fixing it. But if I hadn't read up, then I would have had a horrible first time, and whomever I was with would've had to stop. And didn't help that my Gyno was a quack that didn't know of the issue I had--thankfully I got another one.

So, he probably has no issues, other than he's inexperienced. So, OP, my advice is like what others have said. Communicate with him. Tell him what you like, don't like, how to go about it, and be patient so it doesn't come off as if you're annoyed or anything. And try some different things with him on his end as well. He may need to learn what he likes too.

So, there's no issue other than communication, and him just being shy or slow to open up.

But, you say you didn't want to wait. Did you pressure him? If that was the case his inexperience may have clashed with unsureness. Some guys I know of have had sex just because their girlfriend wanted it, and they didn't wanna risk breaking up, so it effected the performance, as it may just be sex to keep you and make you happy so you don't leave. not just guys, I have seen TONS of girls to this too. But when guys are pressured, it effects performance.

Maybe deep down, he still has some insecurities, which are messing with him. Maybe he's even putting you with the rebound-girl. Asking himself "Will she stick with me, or is it just sex?" That question can come up alot.

That may not be it, but it is a thought i'm throwing out. But you have more info on him than I do lol

Last edited by HappyRain; 05-18-2014 at 08:19 AM..
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Old 05-18-2014, 08:03 AM
 
20 posts, read 41,599 times
Reputation: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
I once read somewhere that when a guy goes beyond the age of 22 being a virgin, he becomes more likely to have permanent issues in the bedroom or related to sex.

This may be true. I know I wouldn't be surprised.

(and, before anyone freaks out, it just never addressed female virgins over age 22. The same may be true for them too)
Well it is not like he can back in time to fix that so all he can do is go forward. He did say he wishes he lost his Virginity to someone that liked him she said did but later told him all you are to me is a rebound.

He also said he was scared when he told me all that because he did not want me to run for the hill .I know a lot of my friends would . I am not going to do that seeing my last BF was an loser to the max.
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Old 05-18-2014, 08:33 AM
 
Location: Northern NY
89 posts, read 94,596 times
Reputation: 77
Medications might also be in question...just thinking out loud. Some anti-depressants and such meds can, not always, interfere with libido. That includes the orgasm. You may be at true north attention but can't release the ammo. The mind is a power thing, any nervous self-defeating thoughts and things head south. Be careful of chosen words that you use to communicate for any words "implying" fault in his part may make matters worse. Maybe a guiding hand, non-verbal leading, in bed would help. Patience and soft kind words.
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Old 05-18-2014, 08:44 AM
 
Location: Earth
4,569 posts, read 4,173,972 times
Reputation: 6947
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dazed318 View Post
Medications might also be in question...just thinking out loud. Some anti-depressants and such meds can, not always, interfere with libido. That includes the orgasm. You may be at true north attention but can't release the ammo. The mind is a power thing, any nervous self-defeating thoughts and things head south. Be careful of chosen words that you use to communicate for any words "implying" fault in his part may make matters worse. Maybe a guiding hand, non-verbal leading, in bed would help. Patience and soft kind words.
And alcohol. He drank alcohol and id drugs at some point. And I think people with alcoholism have erection issues, and thus ED develops, or starts to. And guys with ED have a very tough time performing.

A girl I know--her boyfriend has ED. Her boyfriend had no issues getting horny from porn, and having a release. But when he was with her, it wasn't that good without Cialis. And it's probably because with masturbation you can be totally selfish and there's no one there to be disappointed and judge you. So, he was more at home sexually when he was giving himself a once over. So, pressure kept him from being to good with her. He'd just as soon watch porn than sleep with her, and she practically had to beg him. Idk if they're still together. She hasn't logged on in months. But last I heard, she was pregnant, and planning to talk to him about buying toys for herself so he could see the seriousness of the issue, or ask to get sex outside of the relationship. But, that's the last I heard of her.
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