Do we actually care about what other people think of us even when we say we don't care what other people think?

[Bootsamillion]

Originally Posted by fpsbob

Sometimes I talk to friends who meet someone new that they would date, they tell me stuff like "I don't want to seem clingy or needy" but when it comes to hearing what other people think of them, they're like "I don't care what they think" and "I don't care what people are saying about me."

When they meet new people for the first time, they say stuff like "I didn't want to be rude" or "I didn't want to say anything weird" but they tell their friends "man, I don't give a crap what those people think!"

Don't we still care at least a little?

Everyone's always saying stuff like "don't care so much about what other people think."

If you really think about it, it's none of our business what other people think about us. They are fully entitled to think.

[Hankrigby]

Originally Posted by Hans63

Another option is to not say anything and go about your business. Sometimes I just shrug off whatever people say and don't respond, if I truly don't care what they think.

No right or wrong, just an option.

This is true I really think that training yourself not to care what people think that's something you have to work on. Sometimes for people saying something out loud might help.

Just different ways to get to the same goal

[Lodestar]

In the world of psychology there's this term, "authenticity." It means my insides and outsides match, that my values system and subsequent behavior are in accord.

It's a quality I work for in my daily living - being true to who I am and what I believe, enough so that it's apparent to others.

That is the sense in which I care about what others think of me.

[LookinForMayberry]

Originally Posted by fpsbob

Sometimes I talk to friends who meet someone new that they would date, they tell me stuff like "I don't want to seem clingy or needy" but when it comes to hearing what other people think of them, they're like "I don't care what they think" and "I don't care what people are saying about me."

When they meet new people for the first time, they say stuff like "I didn't want to be rude" or "I didn't want to say anything weird" but they tell their friends "man, I don't give a crap what those people think!"

Don't we still care at least a little?

Everyone's always saying stuff like "don't care so much about what other people think."

The first two paragraphs are confusing to me, because I don't see the two sides of the "but" as being contradictory, nor the second. Both seem in alignment to me. So, in answer to question and final statement:

As sentient beings living in society, we all appear to care about what society at large thinks about us, but often not to the point where it changes our views or choices. In MY view, individuals that care what other individuals think about them are codependent.

In order to live fully, one must determine their path in accordance with their own, unique inner guide. We will make mistakes, and we may look to see what others choices were in similar situations, in order to evaluate and determine their course forward at that point. Sometimes we may choose to change our view and subsequent choices; other times, not.

It seems to me that many threads in this forum subcategory are overly concerned about what others think and do, trying to make sense of others' choices, when their time would be more productive if they analyzed their own views and choices to see if they were living their lives as they want them to be, or were just followers of others.