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Here's a highlight reel of R4T's posts on this thread:
That's just you looking after your needs, as well you should. (He's certainly looking after his, without a care to how it affects you, isn't he?)
2) Leave, to find a guy who doesn't make phony excuses about why he doesn't want to get married.
OP, time to stop dithering, and make a decision already.
You were deceived, and you're just now finding out the truth. (OP was not deceived, for R4T to assume the OP's partner hid his checkered family history from her, FOR 7 YEARS, is beyond ridiculous)
Good point. That's not love. OP should ask him if he loves her. Because it doesn't seem that he does. She's been living an illusion all these years. (Again off in speculation LaLa land. There is absolutely no basis for this comment)
Again, something you have absolutely no idea actually occurred.
Actually, the OP included that info in a later post. Here's one example that indicates he was leading her on:
We did talk about it a few times, and each time it did my boyfriend would say he wanted to get married, but the question* never came.
(re: the earlier part of their relationship)
Actually, the OP included that info in a later post. Here's one example that indicates he was leading her on:
We did talk about it a few times, and each time it did my boyfriend would say he wanted to get married, but the question* never came.
(re: the earlier part of their relationship)
*meaning: the marriage proposal
Again, he's "leading her on" a logical leap you make without basis.
He has NOT said he doesn't want to get married. He said he's not ready, RIGHT NOW.
2) Leave, to find a guy who doesn't make phony excuses about why he doesn't want to get married.
Yes, and what was option #1? "Stay".
OP indeed needs to stop dithering about why he doesn't want to get married, and decide to either stay or go. What's wrong with that? It's either worth it to her to stay with what she considers to be a great guy with abandonment issues, or it's not. She needs to make that decision.
Again, he's "leading her on" a logical leap you make without basis.
He has NOT said he doesn't want to get married. He said he's not ready, RIGHT NOW.
Why do you need to demonize men?
Why do men insist on getting involved in serious long term relationships with women and then pretend to play dumb about what their woman needs and wants from them?
I've heard the old, "I never said I didn't want to get married; I just don't want to get married now" (translation: "I don't give a s**t that you've spent seven years of your life with me, I'll marry you when I'm good and d**mn ready.")
But this is the first sign that they have differences. Let's examine what the OP actually said:
According to the info we have here, this has not been a problem for 7 years. The one who has changed is OP (and she's totally justified to change any time she wants). It is not reasonable to expect the other person to make a 180* change in life plan without some time to come around.
All I am saying (and saying and saying) is that if OP has changed, then talk to BF about it (she has), give him some time to process it. Help him to undertand her POV and make damn sure she understands his POV. THEN, and only then, they can decide the best steps for them as individuals and as a couple.
If you read what is going on here, people are suggesting to leave if she does not get her way. Not to stay and work on it.
Things change over time, and naturally they take time to fix. The land of instant gratification would be nice, but it rarely exists...
If she wants marriage and he does not, then yes, she should leave.
Again, they've been together 7 years. The original reason for putting marriage on the backburner--that of establishing their careers--is no longer valid. Now he comes up with another reason. It does seem to me like he is making up excuses.
There is nothing for her to work on. He knows she wants marriage, and knew from the start that she would after they established their careers. In her shoes, I would give him a couple of months to think about it, and if he does not decide he wants the same thing, I would leave.
At any rate, he's 32 years old. If he hasn't asked her to marry him by now, he's probably not going to.
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