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I was reading yesallwomen, and some said men confuse attention and harassment. I'm curious what's the diff? Men are visual creatures and sometimes I can't help but to stare especially since I've been trained to do that by TV/movies/magazines/newspaper ads/ websites. The women on those can't see you back, and hence can't be offended.
I've never said rude sexual things to women, but I know I've stared too much.
So teach me, what's the diff between attention (good) and harassment (bad).
And don't be angry with me. I'm just doing what #Yesallwomen requests. I'm trying to learn so I can make you more comfortable in my presence. I don't want to offend any of you anymore.
Years ago at the grocery store the check out guy was nice, polite and conversational, (I had never been to that store I had just moved). That was attention and attentive.
He crossed the line to harassment when he took my phone number off my check and started calling my home.
This gets extremely tricky for a woman, because if you call the store to complain or have him fired he already has the address off the check. Reminds me of an old Charles Bronson flick where they took the address off the bags to be delivered and went to the house and killed his family.
He was better off simply being nice the next time I came in the store as people tend to shop at the same place.
I'm used to men staring, or being sweet if we cross paths. That's fine. I don't mind a smile and a nod or even a "hello" from a gentlemen in a grocery store, if that's all it is.
Where it turns into harassment? When you follow me through the store after I ask "can I help you?!", follow me in your car and honk while I jog, cat call me on the street, or say sexual things you'd like to do to me. Also, men in bars who won't take "no" for an answer.
I'm used to men staring, or being sweet if we cross paths. That's fine. I don't mind a smile and a nod or even a "hello" from a gentlemen in a grocery store, if that's all it is.
Where it turns into harassment? When you follow me through the store after I ask "can I help you?!", follow me in your car and honk while I jog, cat call me on the street, or sayr sexual things you'd like to do to me. Also, men in bars who won't take "no" for an answer.
That's when I start telling them I'm a garbage man (woman).
That's when I start telling them I'm a garbage man (woman).
That's an excellent idea! Haha!
It only works if you also smell like garbage, though. I've said some weird stuff to try and get myself out of situations, and instead of the guy going away, I get the answer "that's so interesting!"
Where it turns into harassment? When you follow me through the store after I ask "can I help you?!", follow me in your car and honk while I jog, cat call me on the street, or say sexual things you'd like to do to me. Also, men in bars who won't take "no" for an answer.
All valid. Except for the bolded. What do you expect if you frequent bars. Comes with the territory.
All valid. Except for the bolded. What do you expect if you frequent bars. Comes with the territory.
You asked a woman the difference between attention and harassment, I answered. I didn't say it was unexpected. You do realize you could say going outside and walking down the street of a busy city and getting catcalls is to be expected, or being verbally made to feel uncomfortable. It's still harassment if a man refuses to leave me alone at a bar after I say NO several times.
I disagree with you. "No" means no, no matter where I find myself. I also frequent bars for their intended purpose, which is to get a drink and listen to a live band with friends. I do not mind men speaking with me, but if I say I am not interested, I expect them to back off.
You asked a woman the difference between attention and harassment, I answered. I didn't say it was unexpected. You do realize you could say going outside and walking down the street of a busy city and getting catcalls is to be expected, or being verbally made to feel uncomfortable. It's still harassment if a man refuses to leave me alone at a bar after I say NO several times.
I disagree with you. "No" means no, no matter where I find myself. I also frequent bars for their intended purpose, which is to get a drink and listen to a live band with friends. I do not mind men speaking with me, but if I say I am not interested, I expect them to back off.
Fair enough. My point is and the reality is, if you put yourself in certain situations, you are far more likely to be a victim of harassment.
Fair enough. My point is and the reality is, if you put yourself in certain situations, you are far more likely to be a victim of harassment.
That is 100% true, but that also wasn't your question. Your question was what women consider harassment.
Also, I'm aware what reality is. I've been working since age 15 and have been getting hit on longer than that by significantly older men, as I'm sure many of us have. It happens everywhere. Mostly when I was a cashier, actually. That's the reality.
Also, in case you missed it, the POINT of this whole yesallwomen movement is to address things exactly like that bar scene. It doesn't matter where I am, no should mean no. I can't help that I enjoy craft beer that I can't get in my own home, but some men cannot control themselves or understand what no means.
This is akin to saying if a woman is dancing in a club and doesn't want you to grab her behind, she should have expected it because she put herself in a bad situation. Fact is, no still means no, regardless of where someone is.
I agree it's sadly common to not listen to a woman in certain situations, however, again, that is the point of this whole movement.
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