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That being said, I definitely don't go out looking for single women. I have zero interest in bars or clubs, and in fact I'd rather be single forever than to have to spend any time in either of those places. I'm definitely an introvert, but I'm also okay at "faking it" when I need to. I basically just go about my business day to day, and maybe that's why I've met so few single women.
Bars or clubs aren't where you meet single women for LTR's, with some exceptions. Do you not know where to meet women? You get involved in sports leagues/clubs, volunteer at political or enviro orgs or animal shelters or parks/trail maintenance projects, hobby groups, dance or cooking classes, photography classes or theater improv, etc. etc. Get out, get active, circulate. Those types of venues are perfect for introverts, because you don't need to "approach" strangers; they have an opportunity to get to know you gradually over time, and you get to know them the same way. The NY Times just had an article about how that is what works best for the majority of the population.
Bars or clubs aren't where you meet single women for LTR's, with some exceptions. Do you not know where to meet women? You get involved in sports leagues/clubs, volunteer at political or enviro orgs or animal shelters or parks/trail maintenance projects, hobby groups, dance or cooking classes, photography classes or theater improv, etc. etc. Get out, get active, circulate. Those types of venues are perfect for introverts, because you don't need to "approach" strangers; they have an opportunity to get to know you gradually over time, and you get to know them the same way. The NY Times just had an article about how that is what works best for the majority of the population.
I've done a few things like that, though admittedly not a lot. And yet it's always the same thing: couples and/or women who aren't single. I enjoy photography, but the (very) few women I've met through that hobby were all married or had boyfriends. It seems to be 99% older men anyway. I enjoy art but every time I've been to art exhibits and museums, I only see women with their SOs. I haven't been to any art classes because, a) They always seem to be held on weeknights, and because of my job I can't do that, and/or, b) They never seem to concern subjects or media that interests me. I enjoy cycling but I don't fit in with any of the groups around here. I enjoy road riding but I don't have a racing bike. I like riding on gravel roads but I don't have a mountain bike. I enjoy moderately long rides, longer than just around town, but I can't do really long rides like a lot of the cycling groups do. And I don't have the right kind of bike or clothing to fit in at any sort of bike gathering. I know that shouldn't matter, but I don't fit in with the road bikers, or the mountain bikers, or the hipsters, or the commuters, or the weekend recreational riders. And unfortunately I don't really have the time, energy, or enthusiasm to do any volunteer work.
And I get along great with my coworkers, in fact I consider several of them my best friends. But with one exception none of them enjoy the same hobbies as me. And as luck would have it, the one who does enjoy the same things I do is also an attractive, single young lady and we get along remarkably well. And of course, she's leaving soon for Germany for several months, then Australia, etc. and probably won't be back for several years, if ever.
I enjoy art but every time I've been to art exhibits and museums, I only see women with their SOs.
That's too bad. I live in an art town, and the gallery show openings and "art walk" nights are a huge singles scene. Sometimes participating in those things, hobbies, etc. is just a matter of waiting it out until the right person comes along. It's not an instant fix; you have to stick with it.
Too bad about that co-worker. Do you two get along? Does she know you're into her?
If she looks extra busy
Is preoccupied with something
Looks like she is having a crap day and would not be bothered
Just a straight evil eye look that I won't waste time trying to decipher
If she has kids
If I notice a wedding ring
Also got to be aware if she is alien in disguise to lure able body male workers to work in mines to fuel her species warmachine in taking over the galaxy.
So most stuff is pretty typical that I am sure others probably think the same.
Too bad about that co-worker. Do you two get along? Does she know you're into her?
I don't think she knows, and I'm not completely into her or anything. We definitely have a certain connection that I don't have with many other people, but I haven't let myself get carried away, knowing she's leaving. And if she didn't leave, then we couldn't really date anyway, because I don't think it's a good idea to date a coworker. Sometimes I get the impression that she's noticed this connection as well, but due to past experiences I'm hesitant to bring it up because my instincts have been wrong 100% of the time in that regard.
Some men I've come across throughout my life have only revealed to me that they were attracted to me after it was too late. They said they were afraid to approach me, and among their excuses when I'd asked why they didn't just approach me and show interest, were:
1. I have a certain kind of "walk" that made him think I'm conceited or too good for him;
2. Had the impression that I was already taken;
3. I never paid any attention to him so I didn't seem receptive or approachable;
4. I was busy with something else when they saw me; and
5. I "look like a superstar".
These are preposterous reasons not to approach a woman if you're attracted to her. Isn't it worth it to at least try? When I look back on this, it's so funny, because I've actually thought guys were attractive, but since they didn't show me that they were attracted in me, too, I quickly moved on. I remember one guy in high school, and he was handsome. He didn't go to the prom but I did. After the prom, of course after, he asked who I went with. I went to the senior prom with my friend, another girl who didn't have a date and we went together as singles and dateless. And he said he would've gone with me and wanted to take me, but that he thought I had a boyfriend. This was so disappointing. I had similar experiences after high school and college.
It just occurred to me when I thought of that thread "guys would you approach a woman" or something similar. Maybe I'm just as at fault for preferring men to approach me first, but I can't take a guy seriously who doesn't have the confidence to speak to a lady and take the risk of being shot down with dignity.
I was at the grocery store and this guy was in the olive oil section, and he was cute. I saw him in my peripheral vision and he didn't speak, so I went to another section to finish my shopping. There he came behind me when I turned around. He was kind of smiling but he didn't say anything. So I thought nothing of it, moved to another section, here he comes again past me, lingering, smiling. Say something for crying out loud, I'll love to go to a baseball game with you! Why do you think we wear pretty dresses and blush?
What thoughts are running through your mind when you hesitate to approach a woman to express interest?
Everyone gives off a vibe. Some good, some bad.
Another thing is being aware of your surroundings. People are looking at us...it's our job to notice WHO?
Another thing is being aware of your surroundings. People are looking at us...it's our job to notice WHO?
True enough. I was told (by male friends) that before they got to know me that I gave off a "cold, 'witch' vibe." I am nothing like that. So I have had to counter that by making sure I smile and say hello to people more often. While I genuinely like people, being outwardly expressive doesn't come easy to me. My problem isn't that I am cold or anything (I'm really friendly and like people), it's just that I am a deep thinker and if I am out and about by myself, I am often deep in though/in my own little world (and my face goes blank/poker face which is assumed to be "mean"). I am very much introverted (on those Meyers Brigg tests, I always come out 100% introvert) and on top of that, I come out as a thinker too. A "deep in though" combination if there ever was one.
And I'll admit it too, I have a hard time approaching men who look mean to me. I know that they might just be deep in thought too, but something about that face says, "stay away." So if it's hard for me to approach dour looking men, I can see where it would be hard for men to approach a dour looking woman.
So aside from approaching more often, some women also have to make themselves more approachable (men too for that matter).
I wonder if the guys who get rudely shot down so often as to be discouraged by it are completely oblivious to a woman's body language. Like, if you try to start a conversation with a woman who seems actively annoyed by you, don't push on and ask for her number, then complain that women are mean.
this is probably the case
the worst i've gotten is to have women ignore me, in what i consider to be a rude fashion ..
but i've never had a woman lash out at me, or insult me, or be genuinely mean to me when i approached her to talk.
Some men I've come across throughout my life have only revealed to me that they were attracted to me after it was too late. They said they were afraid to approach me, and among their excuses when I'd asked why they didn't just approach me and show interest, were:
1. I have a certain kind of "walk" that made him think I'm conceited or too good for him;
2. Had the impression that I was already taken;
3. I never paid any attention to him so I didn't seem receptive or approachable;
4. I was busy with something else when they saw me; and
5. I "look like a superstar".
These are preposterous reasons not to approach a woman if you're attracted to her. Isn't it worth it to at least try?
your post annoys me severely
however, if i was to explain myself, i'd run afoul of the forum's rules.
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