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There are days I want to tell her "make up your mind. either decide you want to be with him, fix the marriage, and deal with the all baggage you two seem to have or leave and learn to live your life on your own," but ultimatums never work.
She's told me lots of things I don't need to know, especially about their finances. They make a decent income, but are up to their eyeballs in student loan debt (him more than her). She was telling me last week about some expensive repairs that needed to be done to the property so they can get rid of it, even though they'd probably take a loss on it.
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You think a woman who lies to her husband on a daily basis is telling you the truth?
Here is your responds to her telling you marital issues You have nothing to do with.
"You should be talking about this with your husband, not me"
...and nothing more or less
You can't choose people's behaviors for them, but you can control yourself and set a standard for what you are willing to base your "friendships" off of
It's Something you haven't seemed to demonstrate during all these years with this girl judging from what you have posted in this thread.
Don't let mice in your kitchen and expect to not have things tampered with is how my grandmother would have put it.
People's motivations are pretty appearent wih the actions they lead with. Stop acting passive aggressive towards your ex and her business and set the standard for which your *ahem* friendship is going to be.
If you understand you can't have "just" a friendship because your motivations for staying in contact are not "just" friendly in nature....Knock it off.
If you truly just want a serious HEALTHY adult friendship you need to start telling her what's what and not allow childish behavior to manifest itself within your relationship together.
You're the only one who get to decide what you allow in your life. So stop all the nonsense of shucking the blame to others and playing the innocent
You're right when you say it takes two to tango...but you are also neglecting it takes only one to lead where the dance is going
If all that is TLDR let me sum it up in two words
Get real.
Last edited by rego00123; 06-10-2014 at 04:48 PM..
Reason: Phone fun
I'll agree that I've been in kind of a holding pattern. I'm not trying too hard to get a girlfriend now and I've only had two real girlfriends in the past three years or so. Neither one were good long-term fits and I always compared those two to the girl in question. Neither looked as good, neither was as smart, neither knew me as well and how to make me smile, what I like, sense of humor, etc.
Well here is the gist of it. You're in love with this girl or at least very obsessed. You will continue to rationalize all sorts of reasons to do what you do until you stop being in love with her.
Well here is the gist of it. You're in love with this girl or at least very obsessed. You will continue to rationalize all sorts of reasons to do what you do until you stop being in love with her.
I suppose some people are okay with just doing what they want to do and rationalizing their behavior in such a way they mitigate in their own mind the truth they have done something wrong. OP, you say you realize you're a "not a good guy" but you won't go so far as to acknowledge you know you're on the brink of doing something profoundly bad. Why are you trying to justify your actions? Why not just back off and leave a marriage alone?
She may very well have been texting other people, but would you have texted selfies on your honeymoon to an ex? That's where the problem comes in. She was texting just like she was on some regular vacation.
Honestly, we've never brought up being in a relationship together again (and I'm not sure it would even work long-term). Even if she's not intending for this to come off as more than a friendship, it looks bad, and if she's that clueless, I wouldn't be with her.
The guy in question was an ex. He sent me a funny pic with a quick note to congratulate me! We'd run into one another about a year and a half before I got married (though I was dating my husband at the time) and this ex had always been more of a friend than anything else because we'd known one another since high school, so we would chat sometimes and he knew I was getting married. My husband even knew that I talked to him. I sent him a note back with a pic of the view from where I was waiting for my driver to pick me up and take me back to our cottage so I could get ready for the wedding. It was quite harmless, really.
I am suggesting that this woman may see you as someone from her past that she recalls fondly and considers a friend (especially with all the confiding in you re: finances and so forth, yet no mentions of anything romantic).
Perhaps she doesn't have many friends due to her history with bipolar disorder and problems from when she was younger.
I think you may well be reading far more into this than is there, and I do agree that you need to quit talking to her if you cannot simply be her friend. I mean, she is likely a person of very high emotion and perhaps her husband is more reserved. Maybe she's more social than him and this texting (which she may well do with others) is her social outlet.
I think you should find a girlfriend, honestly.
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OP: Run. I had a gf in college, who one time told me her plan was to marry someone else but keep me around for "fun"? Not my idea of a good time. We broke up eventually. You just might be her fun/fantasy date. Sounds like an unstable woman you couldn't count on, like my college gf. She did eventually marry a very dull but successful guy. After one child and about 10 years, she was divorced, and she took up with her old hs boyfriend who was married. So that marriage ended but she changed her mind and decided she didn't want that guy either. Your friend there could be a real train wreck. You don't want to be on board.
You think a woman who lies to her husband on a daily basis is telling you the truth?
This.
Can't sum it up much better than that.
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You think a woman who lies to her husband on a daily basis is telling you the truth?
How do we know she's lying to her husband, though? OP already admitted that none of these texts are romantic in nature. Sounds like she's telling him stuff she'd tell a good friend.
Not all men mind if a woman is friends with her ex.
If OP was telling us that this woman was plotting to run away with him, I'd absolutely agree with you.
The whole "possible relationship" seems like something OP made up by himself so far.
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