Losing my job saves my marriage (girlfriend, women, kids, advice)
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Thanks- I take full responsibility for my indiscretion. I came from a tough upbringing, both my parents were uneducated immigrants who worked menial jobs all their life. So I thought my job was something "I can be proud of" so I gave all of me leaving nothing to my marriage. I literally pushed my husband aside thinking that he is welcome to leave if he can't stand being #2. I was wrong and I resent myself for feeling the way I did.
I totally respect your analysis and your approach. You are very wise for your age and if you continue to be balanced about life and career you will find you can do both without getting too bogged down with either. Wish you good luck and bright tomorrow - job wise that is
I think it's kind of pathetic actually, sorry. You lose the 'one' thing that mattered to you and gave you your independence, and now that it's gone and you are financially dependant your husband, now you care about you him?! Wow...lol.
I can understand why you would say that- but that's not the case at all. I can still get a divorce if I want to and my husband would then be force to support me since I don't have a job (even if I do, he still needs to pay me because he makes way more than I) -employed or not, Divorce would be economically devastating for me either way. He would end up paying for a child support (3 year old daughter), alimony, division of property etc.
I recognized that I'm married to a good person and I don't think I would meet anyone who will stand by me through this difficult time when he don't have to- but money was not the reason, as stated in my above post- I will still be entitled to support either way.
This is where the commitment part of marriage comes in. SO many people get tripped up by thinking that "feelings of love" will carry them through the times when you get bored/fed up/busy etc.
It's a CHOICE to stay with him every day no matter what.
I seriously recommend marriage counseling as it really feels like you are on a "thank goodness I have YOU" high right now, and the crash will hit you hard in about two weeks when your previous work routine is no longer there to distract you from your negative feelings about your marriage.
I lost this "feelings of love" because I surrounded myself with work issues and I made it all about my work from the time I wake up in the morning till I go to bed- I recognize now that it was all ME. I made a huge mistake because I thought that if I work hard, I can be someone else someday- I thought people "respected" me because of the kind of work I do- and as a woman, I thought my work empowers me.
My husband and I are both working on our marriage- On our dinner date the other night, I apologized for mistreating him and I told him that he does not have to stay. He told me that he thinks "losing my job" saves our marriage- That's the exact word that came out of his mouth. I think he's right, I saw the man I married 8 years ago and he hasn't change- It was me who changed into someone I don't recognize. I don't like who I am as a person.
I lost this "feelings of love" because I surrounded myself with work issues and I made it all about my work from the time I wake up in the morning till I go to bed- I recognize now that it was all ME. I made a huge mistake because I thought that if I work hard, I can be someone else someday- I thought people "respected" me because of the kind of work I do- and as a woman, I thought my work empowers me.
My husband and I are both working on our marriage- On our dinner date the other night, I apologized for mistreating him and I told him that he does not have to stay. He told me that he thinks "losing my job" saves our marriage- That's the exact word that came out of his mouth. I think he's right, I saw the man I married 8 years ago and he hasn't change- It was me who changed into someone I don't recognize. I don't like who I am as a person.
It's sad that it took you 5 pages to mention your child. It shows how out of balance you really were. I was actually hoping you didn't have kids. That really complicates things.
Or simplifies them, in terms of priorities.
Was your job an escape from your life?
COMMIT and FOCUS on your family. Dedicate yourself to making this life good for all of you.
I hope you find another job soon. Working is satisfying and helps out with the household. A part time position might work better for you and your family. Lesson learned about priorities.
(You can only listen when men tell you what they want)
Mine was the opposite experience: I sacrificed too much of my career for the relationship. Just accommodating my ex-SO's weird schedule with the ever-changing "weekends" in the middle of the week cost me too much. I had spoken about it with him many times, and to this day, he'll maintain that because I had "more flexibility" I should have been the one to bend. Typical day-gigger who doesn't understand the nature of freelancing. Yeah, hi, we don't get paid days off like you do? Then I'd be stressed about money, which he took personally, and so the cycle went.
The irony is that the break-up took enough of a toll on me emotionally in the beginning that it affected my drive for a couple of months there, so I didn't pitch and hustle as much, which hurt my wallet. But it was a case of it getting worse before getting better, because now there is nothing holding me back from devoting as much time and effort to it as I need to in order to achieve my goals. Already won one big client.
The best part is that achieving those goals will make me more appealing as a potential partner. The next man will understand that the success that makes me look good on paper comes from the time I put into it. Hey, if you want the financial independence and the access and accommodation of a flexible schedule, go date a trust-fund baby. The rest of us need to work.
For those trying to find faults in this lady and her story please take a moment to think to yourself your own life and where you did things that you later felt not so proud of. I for one have made many mistakes and often times my ego has stopped me from doing what this lady has done - admit she was on a wrong path and choosing to work on what's most important - your family. People try to judge others because it is easier than judging self. I admire the OP for class she has shown. I would love to have her as my sister or friend and learn from her the wisdom she has gained in short 30 years of her life.
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Yeah, hi, we don't get paid days off like you do? Then I'd be stressed about money, which he took personally, and so the cycle went.
