Is the three second rule a good guideline for looking? (ugly, different)
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If I can't stare at pictures of women on TV and in magazines, then I lose my sexuality. Because there's no way I can date. I'm in my 30s with ZERO dating experience, and I'm much too scared to talk to and meet women. I think it's highly unreasonable for people to tell me it's bad for me to stare at pictures of women. Imagine if someone said you can never have sex, or date, or cuddle and kiss again. Well that's what people are telling me by telling me I shouldn't look at magazines. Because I already can't have any of the above.
Put yourself in my shoes for a moment and have empathy. Yes, zentropa, that means you.
Direct the attention you're giving to women as eye candy, to counseling of some sort. All of the staring is no substitute for the real thing, and it sounds as if you want the real thing but need to learn the tools for how to get there. So counseling is my suggestion.
Direct the attention you're giving to women as eye candy, to counseling of some sort. All of the staring is no substitute for the real thing, and it sounds as if you want the real thing but need to learn the tools for how to get there. So counseling is my suggestion.
I'm in counseling, but what good does 40 minutes once every two weeks do, when I can't think of any single constructive suggestion on how to meet women I've received in 2 straight years of counseling with 4 different counselors plus 2 years 10 years ago.
I think the counselors realize that it's far too late for me. Magazines and TV are all I can ever have, and nobody bother telling me to see a hooker, because I have zero interest in doing that.
I'm in counseling, but what good does 40 minutes once every two weeks do, when I can't think of any single constructive suggestion on how to meet women I've received in 2 straight years of counseling with 4 different counselors plus 2 years 10 years ago.
I think the counselors realize that it's far too late for me. Magazines and TV are all I can ever have, and nobody bother telling me to see a hooker, because I have zero interest in doing that.
Well I can respect that last statement - I don't believe in any of that nonsense either.
Don't further debilitate yourself by assuming even the counselors think it's too late! Maybe it's just something you're doing, saying, feeling, or believing that's holding you back from meeting "women" (Really, you just want to meet that one woman who will stand by you). Compatibility is important, needless to say. What about an online dating site? Or social networking. I met my wife who I've been with for about seven years now via MySpace *shrugs*
Also, there is nothing experience can teach you (when it comes to dating) that some serious research can't teach you just as well if not better. I don't think you should let that sort of doubt hurt your chances (by crushing your confidence) either. Knowledge, kindness, and confidence. You can acquire all three at any age, no matter how many relationships you've been in!
I'm in counseling, but what good does 40 minutes once every two weeks do, when I can't think of any single constructive suggestion on how to meet women I've received in 2 straight years of counseling with 4 different counselors plus 2 years 10 years ago.
I think the counselors realize that it's far too late for me. Magazines and TV are all I can ever have, and nobody bother telling me to see a hooker, because I have zero interest in doing that.
Why are you expecting dating advice from your counselors? That's not what they're there for ... they're supposed to help you work on yourself -- i.e. your self-admitted insecurity and low self-esteem.
Actually, I wouldn't take it personally because some women don't really want attention - they just think certain looks are "good fashion", believe it or not. But either way, they need to know certain attire will attract certain looks.
I don't think anyone's wanting you to drown in excruciating guilt, Davros, just that you started this thread as if you really truly wanted to avoid making women uncomfortable. But now we're not so sure.
So you're going to essentially ignore everyone else's opinion... because they are not in agreement with yours. That is all I'm seeing. You are certainly at liberty to live however you wish. But I think you're skating with a bias here and you know it.
OP:
You do know that not everyone will be in agreement with you? Correct?
Why are you expecting dating advice from your counselors? That's not what they're there for ... they're supposed to help you work on yourself -- i.e. your self-admitted insecurity and low self-esteem.
Yeah OP...
Counselors do not give dating advice.
Focus on your self-admitted insecurity and low self esteem issues first.
Dating should be the least of your concerns at this time.
Why are you expecting dating advice from your counselors? That's not what they're there for ... they're supposed to help you work on yourself -- i.e. your self-admitted insecurity and low self-esteem.
They haven't really helped me with that either. 40 minutes once every two weeks isn't much time when I have dozens of difficult situations to discuss from the past two weeks.
My confidence is very difficult to repair when I fundamentally believe that I'm no good.
Think about it critically. You are saying ... you are in no position to date, staring at pictures of women is "creepy" and wrong, and looking at real women for more than 1/2 second upsets some of them so you shouldn't do that.
Don't do this. Don't do that. You have no right to do this. Turn off your sexuality NOW!!!!
Don't you realize this is unreasonable expectations for a person to accomplish?
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