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I'm 24 years old. A few days ago, I met a girl at a store who I was very attracted to. While I shopped, she and I engaged in casual chatting and flirting. I was certainly nervous but not so much that'd I feel it was glaring. Within our brief time talking, I learned she had taken the same college courses at the same school as me by coincidence! ~10 minutes later while purchasing my products I said, "Let me give you my card." I thought this felt perfectly appropriate as I now work in the field we were both pursuing. She seemed happy to take my card. Walking out, I looked back to see she was still looking my way, I smiled toward her.
That same day I was at a local theater, where I noticed a girl with her friend. I had recognized her and had a hint of from where, so I approached and explained where I knew her. My nerves were at a minimum -especially outwardly. Turns out it was who I thought and she did remember me. The last time we saw each other was ~7 years ago. She seemed quite happy to hear I'm doing fairly well for myself and to be reacquainted in general. She was however on her way into the theater room, so, I offered my card. She was happy to take it. I said I was really happy to have run into her and hope to talk more soon.
I've left out a lot of details to keep things short for now, feel free to ask for specifics and I'll detail them within reason. I'm concerned that I should have been more (I guess) traditional by simply asking to exchange numbers because it's been a few days and I haven't heard from either of them. I wasn't thinking too much about should I do this or that at the time, was just going with the flow. I felt the card was more convenient and less awkward for the context of these situations, the girl and myself. Note that my card is not a strict business card. I am a freelance camera operator, video editor and writer. It has my name, number, Vimeo and email on the face. It is a nice, artistic custom designed card with photos I took and edited on it. One image for the face (a pretty sunset above a mountain's silhouette) and second for the rear (a very stylized black/white tunnel graphic).
For the girl at the store, I could show stronger interest by visiting the store in a week or so and try again in a more forward, but unobtrusive non-creepy manner. But with the girl who I knew 7 years ago, I'd feel much more regret because If I don't hear from her it would feel more like I blew my one and only chance to pursue any sort of friendship or relationship. I'd appreciate some friendly, light handed opinions. Thanks!
Last edited by Eyesoftheraven; 06-16-2014 at 03:30 PM..
There's nothing wrong with you giving a woman you're interested in your card. Part of the territory is that if she's not all that interested in you, you're probably not going to hear back from her. The card isn't the issue.
It's not an auto fail as you say but giving someone a business card isn't the same as giving a phone number. It's a lot more formal and doesn't indicate romantic interest. So I guess the fail part is, even if they do call you, you don't know if they are just interested in your photography. If they don't call, you can't tell if they hesitated because they can't tell whether you are interested. I have given out business cards at Meetups but never to someone I had a romantic interest.
There's nothing wrong with what you did. However in either scenari,o I wouldn't have interpreted the offer of a business card as "please get in touch with me if you'd like to get together" -- unless of course, you actually said that as a preface to handing out your card. So it means nothing that neither has contacted you. Also, many women prefer to be on the receiving end of the first move, and handing out your business card doesn't count as the "first move."
I'm 24 years old. A few days ago, I met a girl at a store who I was very attracted to. While I shopped, she and I engaged in casual chatting and flirting. I was certainly nervous but not so much that'd I feel it was glaring. Within our brief time talking, I learned she had taken the same college courses at the same school as me by coincidence! ~10 minutes later while purchasing my products, I said "Let me give you my card." I thought this felt perfectly appropriate as I now work in the field we were both pursuing. She seemed happy to take my card. Walking out, I looked back to see she was still looking my way, I smiled toward her.
That same day I was at a local theater, where I noticed a girl with her friend. I had recognized her and had a hint of from where, so I approached and explained where I knew her. My nerves were at a minimum -especially outwardly. Turns out it was who I thought and she did remember me. The last time we saw each other was ~7 years ago. She seemed quite happy to hear I'm doing fairly well for myself and to be reacquainted in general. She was however on her way into the theater room, so, I offered my card. She was happy to take it. I said I was really happy to have run into her and hope to talk more soon.
I've left out a lot of details to keep things short for now, feel free to ask for specifics and I'll detail them within reason. I'm concerned that I should have been more (I guess) traditional by simply asking to exchange numbers because it's been a few days and I haven't heard from either of them. I wasn't thinking too much about should I do this or that at the time, was just going with the flow. I felt the card was more convenient and less awkward for the context of these situations, the girl and myself. Note that my card is not a strict business card. I am a freelance camera operator, video editor and writer. It has my name, number, Vimeo and email on the face. It is a nice, artistic custom designed card with photos I took and edited on it. One image for the face (a pretty sunset above a mountain's silhouette) and second for the rear (a very stylized black/white tunnel graphic).
For the girl at the store, I could show stronger interest by visiting the store in a week or so and try again in a more forward, but unobtrusive non-creepy manner. But with the girl who I knew 7 years ago, I'd feel much more regret because If I don't hear from her it would feel more like I blew my one and only chance to pursue any sort of friendship or relationship. I'd appreciate some friendly, light handed opinions. Thanks!
While this sounds like a good strategy from a logical perspective, it will almost always end up in failure. I used to do this, too, figuring it was pretty practical. You put yourself out there a bit and let her say 'yay' or 'nay' by either following up or not.
However, I learned over time that asking a woman to take any sort of initiative like this, especially in the early stages before you know anything about one another, is going to be a recipe for fail. You have to be more assertive.
If you just 'put the ball in her court,' she's going to stand there and do nothing with it, in most cases.
It's not a bad strategy, and I think every man tries it at some point in his life, i.e. the "soft" approach, or the approach-lite. Sadly, it's just not a winner.
We had a thread asking if women preferred to take a guy's card, or if they preferred to be asked for their number. Opinions were pretty split down the middle. I prefer to take a guy's card. If you give out your card, you still can't assume you'll get a call, but I think it''s a good low-key way to deal with the how-to-get-a-number issue that doesn't put women on the spot.
Don't give a business card to show off. It is massively douchey. Only give a card if you don't have the time to exchange numbers with cell phone or paper.
I made the mistake of giving my card to a girl I thought was hot a few years ago. I thought she would be impressed with my 'Dr.' prefix and title, but she just thought I was showing off and didn't call. I ran into her again a month later and we dated for a while, but she specifically told me the business card thing was a turn off.
We had a thread asking if women preferred to take a guy's card, or if they preferred to be asked for their number. Opinions were pretty split down the middle. I prefer to take a guy's card. If you give out your card, you still can't assume you'll get a call, but I think it''s a good low-key way to deal with the how-to-get-a-number issue that doesn't put women on the spot.
This. I also prefer to be given a card.
If you don't feel comfortable or are worried that handing out a business card would seem douchey, lots of people have non-business cards/social cards printed up.
I've also know a lot of guys who will hand a girl their business card, but pen a quick note on the back (i.e., their personal mobile number, something like "Call me & I'll introduce you to the best Tex-Mex food in town" or something that somehow ties into the conversation. Basically, something to make it clear you don't want her resume or for her to give your resume to her manager, but also be careful to not write something that you wouldn't want your boss or HR department to see!
Last time I was single and a guy handed me his business card, we were both having a quick dinner in the bar of a nice steakhouse. We struck up a conversation, wound up comparing favorite restaurants, he told me about one I'd never been to. When he gave me his business card, he wrote a quick note on the back that said something like "Thanks for the chat. If you'd ever like to try <name of steakhouse>, give me a call, I'd love to take you to dinner."
I suspect a lot of women are more comfortable with being handed a business card because it gives the sense that the guy is stable and together enough to get hired somewhere and hold down a full-time job, so presumably the odds are low that he's a raging alcoholic, drug abuser, etc. (Personally, I think this can give a false sense of security, but hey, something to think about.)
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