Meeting someone for the first time (dates, marriage, men, single)

[NWGirl74]

Originally Posted by oh-eve

Alot of guys can't express themselves well in writing.

Formal and sporadic could be because he is shy. He might turn out to be a very loyal and cool person.

Good points. I'm actually better with written communication with those I don't know because I'm naturally a very shy person in real life. It's easier to be myself with strangers when they aren't right in front of me.

Originally Posted by jade408

So it is kinda like whatever, we will see what happens.

This is how I'm feeling about it.

Originally Posted by believe007

I meet people IRL much more easily-

I'm an organizer in an active Meetup group and I'm a volunteer leader for our local Hands On chapter. (Yes, this contradicts my statement above about being shy. It turns out I'm a good organizer/leader despite my shyness). So I meet new people all the time. However, I meet very few single men in my desired age range for dating (35-45) so I'm trying online again.

Our meeting today is at a coffee shop which has pretty good reviews. I know the area it's in pretty well, but when I looked up the exact location, I stumbled across a review that says they close at 2:00 and we're meeting at 5:00 but the review is old. So I tried to call and got a message that they have not set up their mailbox. (No hours posted on Google +, FB or Yelp either).

[NWGirl74]

Originally Posted by weezerfan84

If you're on a mission, like what I found out, you will ultimately hate most of your dates. When dating you have to not expect anything and when you feel you're on a timeline, it's hard to not want to expect something.

A couple of days ago, I had someone on OKC ask me what I was looking for from the site. When I joined it in mid-May, I could tell you exactly what I wanted. However, now I feel I have a clearer idea of what I don't want than what I do. I don't really have any expectations of anything coming from it. Sadly, I think how I ended up responding ran him off, but he was still married anyway which is usually a huge NO for me so that may be for the best. Given that deal breaker, I have no idea what possessed me to email him in the first place.

My late hubby was nothing like I envisioned for myself but he was perfect for who I was at the time. Since he's my only long-term experience, I feel like I'll know what I'm looking for when I find it like I did before. It may be a naive way of thinking, but despite my chronological age, my dating experience mirrors that of someone much younger than I am.

[Amelie90]

Originally Posted by NWGirl74

When you meet someone for the first time, particularly from an OLD site, do you typically find you're looking forward to it or that it's just a formality?

I don't really get excited because in my case, things don't usually go past that first meeting. But I do get more excited about some guys than others.

[Raena77]

I get excited, dressed up in new stuff, and like to see if they match the online guy I liked.

[cloven]

It makes me nervous, I feel dread in anticipation.

Am a socially anxious sort of person overall, only feel at ease around folks with whom I'm already familiar (those who know me & I know them).
I make myself meet new people because that's what has to happen in order for there to even be a chance we'll click/get along well enough to move beyond being strangers to each other.

I set my expectations very low, which then makes a "successful outcome" easier to achieve-by which I mean, if I survive and nothing awful transpires, that was on some level a success.
Of course, the hoped-for "successful result" is meeting a person with whom there's mutual interest/attraction, but I've learned that's statistically unlikely on a given occasion.

Have a first-meet from OLD tomorrow afternoon, hoping it goes okay.

[ohio_peasant]

My emotions before the first physical date stemming from online-dating are a guarded optimism and a benign resignation. I don't expect much, and steel myself to the likelihood that my date is older and less appealing than her photograph would purport. Even so, I remain optimistic that some semblance of a connection is possible, if only as friends.

But part of the fault is mine. I willingly engage in correspondence women for whom I don't feel any initial attraction, in the hope that our shared values and preferences would eventually engender mutual physical appeal. Typically this fails, and I feel guilty for what amounts to a disingenuous display of interest.

Unlike the case of many posters in this thread. a substantial portion of my first-dates (if not outright the majority) result in a second and third date. And then I face the awkward reality of explaining to the lady that I much enjoy her company as a person, but am unable to muster a feeling of physical attraction to her. This is intensely difficult to verbalize politely.

[TabulaRasa]

If I agreed to meet them, it was because I was excited about the prospect. Anybody I felt lukewarm about, I didn't bother to meet.

[srjth]

Meet quickly and then you alleviate many of your worries with OLD. You can get to know each other in person if you like each other after that.

Originally Posted by Philosophizer

Meeting sooner rather than later is better in my experience. It sucks when you invest a lot of time and effort getting to know someone only to find out they aren't who you thought they were. Plus, it can kill a lot of the first date conversation if you've spent two weeks frequently messaging each other.

Exactly. Stick with locals.

[Sage 80]

I never paid any attention to men I wasn't completely into. There had to be a strong attraction for me to even consider meeting him. We would spend very little time emailing and on the phone, and agree to meet in person asap. I always looked forward to meeting him.

[intelfan11315]

Rarely do I look forward to a first date. I usually want to cancel or don't feel like getting out of bed.

I sometimes cancel, but for the most part I go and always have fun.