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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nomadic1
I get that but I feel like no guy ever wants a relationship because they all disappear before I am actually willing to sleep with them. I'm honestly starting to hate all men because all they want is sex! I thought maybe I should start dating older men. I'm 27 so I started dating men who were 35 and up but it was the same thing. I'm starting to think maybe I should just sleep with a guy right away and see how that goes. I'm not purposely withholding sex, I'm just waiting to see if this guy is right for me and he won't just chuck me to the side when he gets what he wants.
Good heavens, why would a guy enter into a committed relationship with a woman that doesn't want to sleep with him!! If a woman is attracted to me, and I'm attracted to her, we naturally have sex. If we don't, it is because one of us doesn't. It's really quite simple.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nomadic1
Serious question: Do you sleep with every person you go on 3-4 dates with?! I mean holy crap lol
Of course not. But if we haven't by then generally it is because one of us isn't into the other so there is no reason to keep dating.
Recently I've been tending on the sleeping with the person before the first date, but that's atypical.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones
How is your sex drive, ordinarily? Most women and men) would have difficulty sleeping next to someone they were really attracted to but had not had sex with. I mean, they would not be able to sleep. They would just lie there awake. This is the reason that for men and women 'just sleep over and cuddle' is normally code for 'probably have sex'.
I'd be up all night and have to excuse myself (Ahem) just to relax and get some rest and would be incredibly frustrated.
The problem here isn't really that the OP is withholding sex or using it as a bargaining chip. The problem is that the OP doesn't seem to be very good at reading men. And it seems that quite a few women have this issue - and men as well, I'm sure. The OP doesn't seem to be able to tell the difference between genuine interest in her and a fake interest in order to get laid. And I think that is a valid concern. You need to be able to tell the difference between someone telling you what you want to hear and someone meaning what they are saying. I've never really been into "charming" guys - and my friends who are have had some issues. Not that all charming guys are users but I am more attracted to… well… non-charming guys! And like I said in another thread - you can't "unsleep" with someone - so if sex is something you take seriously, it's better to wait and miss out on someone who won't stick around than it is to sleep with someone and end up feeling used. But that's just my 2 cents.
Great advice. And, may I add: consistency. Someone who shows genuine and consistent interest in you as a person, your hobbies, your values, your goals, and really enjoys you as a person through their actions. They really put you at #1.
If he asks about what you aspire to be, asks about your family.. you will know.
You will know when someone is up to no good and is fishy.
Some guys will put up the perfect gentleman act bit for quite a while.. Hone in on those whom like to "build romantic fantasies of soul mates.. and the first time I met you" crap. You'll find out the truth sooner or later. But, the Real guy who's vested in you, there is no doubt in your mind he wants to be with you, because he makes it very CLEAR and will always want to be around you, and never seems to get bored (with or without sex, and especially without sex).
If the woman is sleeping in my bed, we end up having sex. Pretty much without exception, if it doesn't happen the first time she sleeps over it happens the next time. I would certainly be working to move things in that direction with you, and if you constantly stymied my efforts even though you were otherwise appearing to be into me, I would move on. Sh**'s frustratin' yo. Luckily I haven't run into that issue, because like I said, once a woman is in my bed it's like a fly in a spiderweb. Except the fly is a consenting adult who wants to be there, LOL. Bad analogy.
Lately I have been having a horrible time dating and I believe it is due to the amount of time I wait to have sex with someone. I'm not someone that can have sex without becoming attached to someone, so I like to take my time and make sure this guy is actually going to stick around. My problem is I can never seem to get past a month before a guy seems to just disappear. I have dated several guys this year whom I was really excited about. Slept over, met their friends, went out of town with them all to have them eventually stop calling. The last guy I was dating I spent everyday with for a week. I slept over his house for 5 days in a row. No we did not have sex. We made out a lot and cuddled. I invited him out with my friends and we had a good time. Anyways when I left his house saturday morning that was the last time I heard from him. We had been dating for 3 weeks before he disappeared on me (hanging out about 3-4 times a week). So my question is for guys:
1. How long do you date a girl before you expect her to sleep with you?
2. Would you ask someone to be your girlfriend before sleeping with them?
3. How do you know if a guy is only spending time with you because he only wants to sleep with you versus wanting a relationship?
1. My wife and I met talked and dated for two months or so before she took advantage of me.
2. Sure if I liked the person and she was normal and she wasn't a controlling bats**t crazy female with a load of crazy bags camped on my front door.
3. When they get mad or moody when making out and you put a stop to it or when they take off and you never hear from them in two to three weeks.
Today some guys are expecting you to put out within a few days of dating with two weeks being a lifetime of waiting. Why? Because lots of women do. And with the instant gratification that seems to be a entitlement it's almost expected. At least that's how the young guys I see on job sites talk about it.
Seriously!!!!! 2 freaking dates! OMG! If I slept with every guy i went on two dates with
I think it's crazy too. There would have to be some really strong chemistry between us which is rare for me to experience. I have been "sexual" on the second date with a few guys, but it wasn't full on sex. I don't see a problem with it if both people are into it, but I don't think a guy should assume that a woman isn't into him if they don't have sex within two dates.
I get that but I feel like no guy ever wants a relationship because they all disappear before I am actually willing to sleep with them. I'm honestly starting to hate all men because all they want is sex! I thought maybe I should start dating older men. I'm 27 so I started dating men who were 35 and up but it was the same thing. I'm starting to think maybe I should just sleep with a guy right away and see how that goes. I'm not purposely withholding sex, I'm just waiting to see if this guy is right for me and he won't just chuck me to the side when he gets what he wants.
If they toss you aside simply because you won't have sex on their timeline, are they really someone you want to be with and are compatible with? Consider that. I would think it was a bonus to be able to weed them out that quickly.
There is really no way to tell whether someone just wants you for sex or whether they genuinely care about you. It's only natural you go with the "fail-safe" method of waiting and seeing if the male is going to stick around. It's such a confusing and frustrating process. I'd say keep doing your thing, I think there is a difference but you only figure it out after it's too late. The only thing you really can do is stay true to yourself and YOUR desires. If you don't feel comfortable, don't do it. Vice versa.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea
I think this is a problem a lot of people have.
There is really no way to tell whether someone just wants you for sex or whether they genuinely care about you. It's only natural you go with the "fail-safe" method of waiting and seeing if the male is going to stick around. It's such a confusing and frustrating process. I'd say keep doing your thing, I think there is a difference but you only figure it out after it's too late. The only thing you really can do is stay true to yourself and YOUR desires. If you don't feel comfortable, don't do it. Vice versa.
I think one of the reasons is because (and this certainly isn't always the case) is because there are the times the guy doesn't know themselves. Sex does change things. Sometimes I'm dating a person and we have sex, and the connection just isn't there... it's all but over at that point. We can try to see it if happens a time or two later, but usually it doesn't. Other times (and this just happened to me this weekend), I have sex and it generates a desire to see if something more will form. It's just now I want it and I'm open to it. It might not work, but I want more.
So, if the guy isn't sure himself, there is no way the woman could ever be certain either.
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And like I said in another thread - you can't "unsleep" with someone - so if sex is something you take seriously, it's better to wait and miss out on someone who won't stick around than it is to sleep with someone and end up feeling used. But that's just my 2 cents.
