Guys: How does a girl know if you only want sex versus relationship? (separate, partner)
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I think one of the reasons is because (and this certainly isn't always the case) is because there are the times the guy doesn't know themselves. Sex does change things. Sometimes I'm dating a person and we have sex, and the connection just isn't there... it's all but over at that point. We can try to see it if happens a time or two later, but usually it doesn't. Other times (and this just happened to me this weekend), I have sex and it generates a desire to see if something more will form. It's just now I want it and I'm open to it. It might not work, but I want more.
So, if the guy isn't sure himself, there is no way the woman could ever be certain either.
Yeah, I think sometimes women (on this forum -- I never hear worries about this IRL) jump to the 'he was only in it for sex' thing way too quickly.
Women and men, both, sometimes have sex with somebody and only after that do they realise that they can't really be with them. Sometimes it's because of the sex -- they discovered they were completely incompatible -- and sometimes it's nothing to do with sex.
I'm not saying there's never been a guy in the history of the universe who just wanted to notch his bedpost, but at the OP's age I think most men have grown out of that. I think it's mainly a fantasy of virgins and near-virgins. And old dudes. Guys in their late 20s and their 30s are not likely to be thinking that way.
If the sex works well, why wouldn't they want to keep doing it?
Something I do think happens is guys having an ongoing relationship with someone they don't want to marry. I think most women consider that bizarre unless it is agreed upon ahead of time, and so they often get blindsided. I think this is more important to watch out for that the one-timers. Guys who bail before the sex even happens, they are being honest. That is a good thing.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by NilaJones
Something I do think happens is guys having an ongoing relationship with someone they don't want to marry. I think most women consider that bizarre unless it is agreed upon ahead of time, and so they often get blindsided. I think this is more important to watch out for that the one-timers. Guys who bail before the sex even happens, they are being honest. That is a good thing.
I agree with this (and really all your post), but I'm not sure about the bolded sentence. Usually I'm saying I'm just not into you, but sometimes I'm saying to you (the woman) that you just doesn't seem that into me. I'm not going to keep asking someone out and going out if it doesn't seem like she likes me or is attracted to me as much as I am her. She might like me, but a big imbalance in the equation can be ruinous.
Last edited by timberline742; 06-25-2014 at 08:21 PM..
I agree with this (and really all your post), but I'm not sure about the bolded sentence. Usually I'm saying I'm just not into you, but sometimes I'm saying to you (the woman) that you just doesn't seem that into me. I'm not going to keep asking someone out and going out if it doesn't seem like she likes me or is attracted to me as much as I am her. She might like me, but a big imbalance in the equation can be ruinous.
Well you could, like, you know, talk before bailing, in that case . Find out.
I agree with this (and really all your post), but I'm not sure about the bolded sentence. Usually I'm saying I'm just not into you, but sometimes I'm saying to you (the woman) that you just doesn't seem that into me. I'm not going to keep asking someone out and going out if it doesn't seem like she likes me or is attracted to me as much as I am her. She might like me, but a big imbalance in the equation can be ruinous.
So you would assume she doesn't like you because she doesn't want to have sex with you right away?
I wonder if your problem has to do with starting things off too fast with too much communication and too much time together. I wouldn't spend that much time with someone I was actually in a relationship with! In my experience when things start out intense and with a lot of time together then they fizzle out all the faster. Also I have to say I don't understand spending the night with someone with no sex involved especially that many nights in a row. If I like you enough to stay over at your place then we're definitely hooking up. Otherwise I'm going home to my own bed.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones
Well you could, like, you know, talk before bailing, in that case . Find out.
What makes you think I don't ? Good heavens.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nomadic1
So you would assume she doesn't like you because she doesn't want to have sex with you right away?
No, not right away, but not too long either. I dont assume, I talk and react to actions. The women I meet want sex as much as me; they're sex positive . They want to check compatibility early. Its no big deal if they're not interested. It's cool. We go our separate ways. It's rarely an issue. I think the last time was 7 years ago really.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by Philosophizer
I can't be the only one who believes that being direct early on with expectations and finding out where both parties stand is the prudent thing to do.
It is. Most healthy adults do. Some people seem scared to communicate; I think theyre afraid to hear something they don't want to hear. So many people live in fear. I expect Ill have one of these conversations at a date tomorrow.
I wonder if your problem has to do with starting things off too fast with too much communication and too much time together. I wouldn't spend that much time with someone I was actually in a relationship with! In my experience when things start out intense and with a lot of time together then they fizzle out all the faster. Also I have to say I don't understand spending the night with someone with no sex involved especially that many nights in a row. If I like you enough to stay over at your place then we're definitely hooking up. Otherwise I'm going home to my own bed.
I do agree we spent too much time together. Every morning as I was leaving, he would ask me about my plans for the evening. I liked spending time with him and it felt good to finally meet a guy who didn't do the stupid call every 2-3 days thing. It was nice knowing (or thinking that I knew) that this guy actually liked me and wanted to see me. In the future i will not do this again.
I think what really hurts is that he would just completely cut contact so suddenly. When I left saturday morning everything was fine. I kissed him goodbye and skipped out the door...to never hear from him again. I wonder if he was waiting for me to contact him first this time or if he just decided he's done. It's so weird to go from spending everyday together to not hearing from that him AT ALL. I've had guys do a slow fade on me but never a complete disappearing act like this lol. I want to contact him and ask how he is or if I did anything wrong but I don't want to look desperate or stupid.
Also, I have only been single for a year. Prior to that I was in a six year relationship so I feel like I'm dating for the first time. I didn't think it would send the wrong message for me to spend the night over a guys house, especially because he kept asking me to and seemed respectful.
I can't be the only one who believes that being direct early on with expectations and finding out where both parties stand is the prudent thing to do.
What do you mean being direct? Like coming out and saying...you need to sleep with me within 3 dates?
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