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I'd never want my boyfriend to pay my rent. It's not the 1950s anymore back when women had to be financially dependent on a man. I find it quite offensive and quite frankly, plain sexist to let your boyfriend pay your rent. Unless you're really struggling to make the ends meet due to some unforseen circumstances, having your boyfriend pay your rent is a backwards idea. No, absolutely not. If a guy were to even think of it, I'd dump him on the spot. Women are perfectly capable, thank you.
Someone please enlighten Miss late to the party and didn't read the thread...
It's not ABOUT somebody's boyfriend paying rent she owes a landlord. It's about whether or not somebody moving into the house you own should PAY YOU rent.
I would if she added me to the title for the house. That would show how serious she is, or if she's just needing help paying down her mortgage.
I'm not a guy, but I've been in her position.
If you rent an apartment, it's not about helping someone pay down the mortgage as much as it is paying your way. How can anyone be comfortable living anywhere for free and not feel compelled to contribute is not something I will ever understand. Unless, I'm missing something.
Probably for the same reason as when one partner offers to pay for both parties' meals when dining out, they don't call it "spotting you some cash."
"Pay me your rent," implies, "You owe me this because I let you stay here," versus, "Household expenses are shared." It's a subtle dynamic difference, but it definitely highlights the "I'm owed something from you," factor, and also highlights a control dynamic.
My thoughts exactly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LostinPhilly
I'd never want my boyfriend to pay my rent. It's not the 1950s anymore back when women had to be financially dependent on a man. I find it quite offensive and quite frankly, plain sexist to let your boyfriend pay your rent. Unless you're really struggling to make the ends meet due to some unforseen circumstances, having your boyfriend pay your rent is a backwards idea. No, absolutely not. If a guy were to even think of it, I'd dump him on the spot. Women are perfectly capable, thank you.
However, I wouldn't mind paying my boyfriend's rent/utilities if he were struggling. Only if he's stuggling though. I don't want to be a sugar mama either.
I am financially independent, but I'm also old school. So is my guy. If we lived together, he would want to be the breadwinner. I had issues with this for a while because of past relationships where what I did at home was worth nothing. I cleaned and cooked and did laundry for them and their grown babies, but at the end of the day, I was a freeloader because I didn't contribute financially. It took me a while to get past that, even being old school. I had to remember that, while they paid for the house, I created and maintained a home. Had I done that for another family as a live in, I'd have free rent AND a paycheck. What I did had value. In 2014, a lot of wives stay home. And there is nothing degrading about it unless one of them makes it so.
That being said, I would support my life partner if he was ill, disabled, laid off beyond his control or needed schooling to improve our situation. But no man will ever live with me on my dime just because I'm in love with him. And I wouldn't be with a man who ever showed any level of comfort doing so. If my son ever did that, I would crawl so far up his butt he'd be coughing up the money.
The OP has every right to expect a man to chip in. I think the terminology is what throws people off - rent vs. contribution. Tenants pay rent. Partners contribute.
I'm not sure why this concept is so puzzling to everyone.
Question:
If you had a friend (same sex, opposite sex if you're gay, so... clearly not someone you'd be dating) who owned a home and told you that he/she was looking for a roommate...
Would you expect to live there for free, or would you expect to pay rent?
Why is it any different if you're dating this person? You should still be helping out with expenses. Whether or not any of that money goes toward someone's equity is irrelevant.
You get a place to stay.
If you're dating, you get to live with the person you're involved with.
Where's the negative in being a responsible adult?
This situation, as described by the OP, has nothing to do with moving in with a person so YOU CAN PAY THEIR BILLS.
It's about sharing expenses. Which is what roommates (romantic or not) do.
Edit: Naturally, you don't have to call it "rent" or whatever, but it's still money paid toward expenses in the home. And you can assume that all the bills are in the name of the person who owns the home, so why not just give them money?
When my husband and I were dating and moved in together the year before we got married, I would just figure up bills every time we got paid, we'd go over the numbers, and he'd transfer me some cash. We both paid into all the expenses. I paid more than he did on the actual bills/mortgage, and he paid for food/groceries.
It worked.
Now, we are married, and we live in a different house that we bought, but he also owns the house I was buying before we got married.
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i'm not sure why this concept is so puzzling to everyone.
Question:
If you had a friend (same sex, opposite sex if you're gay, so... Clearly not someone you'd be dating) who owned a home and told you that he/she was looking for a roommate...
Would you expect to live there for free, or would you expect to pay rent?
Why is it any different if you're dating this person? You should still be helping out with expenses. Whether or not any of that money goes toward someone's equity is irrelevant.
You get a place to stay.
If you're dating, you get to live with the person you're involved with.
Where's the negative in being a responsible adult?
This situation, as described by the op, has nothing to do with moving in with a person so you can pay their bills.
It's about sharing expenses. Which is what roommates (romantic or not) do.
Edit: Naturally, you don't have to call it "rent" or whatever, but it's still money paid toward expenses in the home. And you can assume that all the bills are in the name of the person who owns the home, so why not just give them money?
When my husband and i were dating and moved in together the year before we got married, i would just figure up bills every time we got paid, we'd go over the numbers, and he'd transfer me some cash. We both paid into all the expenses. I paid more than he did on the actual bills/mortgage, and he paid for food/groceries.
It worked.
Now, we are married, and we live in a different house that we bought, but he also owns the house i was buying before we got married.
Funny timing on this thread. My BF and I have recently started talking about what living together might look like, and how we'd combine households.
It's a bit complicated - I own and he rents. He's got a rent controlled apartment in a hot neighborhood.
One of the concerns we both had was making sure he didn't get screwed over if we moved in together and it didn't work out. (Housing costs are insane here.) Neither of us would want him in a position to suddenly be having to find a place to live, at twice the rate he was paying previously.
We'll probably move in to my place and he'll sublet his. (It's a 2 bedroom so he could rent out one of the bedrooms. At current prices, he could rent just the one bedroom for close to what he pays for the entire apartment.) We're still trying to figure out exactly how to divide the costs, but we'll probably take my mortgage + HOA + the amount of his rent not covered by subletting and divide it in 2. Then split utilities 50/50 monthly.
Because of this thread, I asked him if he had any concerns or strange feelings about the rent money he would pay to me contributing towards any equity. He thought it was funny - wasn't something he was worried about at all.
I'll have to ask him if he finds the concept of paying rent to me to be demeaning.
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