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I've been dating my boyfriend for the past two years and I remember him telling me about his female friend and the fact that they had a drunken hookup night before he met me.
I have no idea how the conversation even started (it was too long ago), and I was originally fine with it until I started noticing her name on his netflix and some items around his place. So it did start to bother me..
For instance, I needed an umbrella one time and he handed me one with hearts (obviously hers) and women shoeboxes in the bottom cupboard when I was looking for pots & pans to cook with.
I got curious at to what she looked like and I googled her. I know not a good idea, but I did. I found out that she was a transgendered women. I don't know why but I decided to ask him if she was.
He got really upset with me and started yelling at me, telling me I had no right to judge, etc.
But I didn't judge her, I just asked a question.
He also kicked me out of his place and didnt speak to me for a long time..
That was over a year ago, but it still bothers me. I know I shouldn't have googled her, but why did he get so defensive when I asked him.
I didn't say anything mean, I just asked.
Recently, I asked him to get rid of these things because they're still at his place (After us dating for two years)..just sitting there and he hasn't talked to me all day..we were planning in moving in together and I don't want to keep running into these things.
Guys & gals, what was the problem??
IDK if I can get over his reactions about this woman.
He might have issues with you knowing that his friend is transgendered. This might be the case if the friend was sexually assigned as a male but sexual identity is female. The fact that you found out that the girl in question is transgendered, may be the secret he didn't want you to find out.
He might have issues with you knowing that his friend is transgendered. This might be the case if the friend was sexually assigned as a male but sexual identity is female. The fact that you found out that the girl in question is transgendered, may be the secret he didn't want you to find out.
Yes, that's what I was thinking. Thanks for your feedback.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
Problems with the timeline construction on this one.
But welcome to City-Data!
Thanks! Lol..sorry about the confusion..let me try to clarify:
-We start dating (in 2012)
-He tells me about his friend and their drunken night of fun
-I start seeing miscellaneous remnants of her here and there
-I google her name and find out said information
-Ask him and he gets very defensive and kicks me out
-Time passes and we discuss moving in
-I mention I don't want to see the items when I eventually do move in
-He gets upset with me and doesn't talk to me for over a day..
Eh, I feel like this will always be a sensitive issue, but I don't want to ignore the items in the apartment.
What difference does it make if this friend is transgendered?
Furthermore, nobody has the right to demand that someone get rid of all traces of previous friends or lovers. That really isn't fair.
I've been dating my boyfriend for the past two years and I remember him telling me about his female friend and the fact that they had a drunken hookup night before he met me.
I have no idea how the conversation even started (it was too long ago), and I was originally fine with it until I started noticing her name on his netflix and some items around his place. So it did start to bother me..
For instance, I needed an umbrella one time and he handed me one with hearts (obviously hers) and women shoeboxes in the bottom cupboard when I was looking for pots & pans to cook with.
I got curious at to what she looked like and I googled her. I know not a good idea, but I did. I found out that she was a transgendered women. I don't know why but I decided to ask him if she was.
He got really upset with me and started yelling at me, telling me I had no right to judge, etc.
But I didn't judge her, I just asked a question.
He also kicked me out of his place and didnt speak to me for a long time..
That was over a year ago, but it still bothers me. I know I shouldn't have googled her, but why did he get so defensive when I asked him.
I didn't say anything mean, I just asked.
Recently, I asked him to get rid of these things because they're still at his place (After us dating for two years)..just sitting there and he hasn't talked to me all day..we were planning in moving in together and I don't want to keep running into these things.
Guys & gals, what was the problem??
IDK if I can get over his reactions about this woman.
Other than you continuing to date this guy? I don't know.
What difference does it make if this friend is transgendered?
Furthermore, nobody has the right to demand that someone get rid of all traces of previous friends or lovers. That really isn't fair.
Well, apparently it made a difference to him...?? Hence his outburst..and the title to my thread.
I don't know any guy who would be okay with opening every nook and cranny when looking for a towel, pots, toilet tissue and seeing his lovers ex boyfriends' things hanging around..
What difference does it make if this friend is transgendered?
Furthermore, nobody has the right to demand that someone get rid of all traces of previous friends or lovers. That really isn't fair.
Sorry, but if the items are known to belong to a previous ex, and the boyfriend gets fired up when she asks about them, THAT isn't fair. Frankly I wouldn't want anything to do with him.
Sorry, but if the items are known to belong to a previous ex, and the boyfriend gets fired up when she asks about them, THAT isn't fair. Frankly I wouldn't want anything to do with him.
Find a new boyfriend.
That's the thing. She must have been really special, because we talk about other ex's also and it isn't a big deal. Since he's been in his hometown, she is the only one who has lived with him...so I know that the items are hers....
I know it's a sensitive subject to him obviously, because the last time I said something was last year when I mentioned the heart umbrella he handed me to use...and he got offended..
I just mentioned to him last night about potentially removing the items(for the first time ever) and he hasn't talked to me all day..she obviously doesn't need them.
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