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I'm very new here and am not quite sure if I will get a response at all. I'm originally from New Orleans and have moved around quite a bit because my husband was in the Army. Shortly after he got out, he accepted a job in Pennsylvania where we moved. He is originally from here, graduated here, his family is here, etc. It's been 7 years and to me, it still doesn't feel like home. My family are all down South. I have expressed my sadness and unhappiness to him a few times and suggested that we look at possibilities elsewhere. Each time I bring this up, we end up in a huge fight.
Last night, he flat out told me no. We're not moving, he's staying here, his career is very important to him. He also says that if I am that unhappy, I know where the door is.
Has anyone else been through this? If so, how did you handle it?
Last night, he flat out told me no. We're not moving, he's staying here, his career is very important to him. He also says that if I am that unhappy, I know where the door is.
You moved around for years due to him being in the military and he can't even have a conversation or look into the possibility of living somewhere else?
What does he do for a living? I can't imagine it is so specialized that he has to live in PA. What do you do for a living? Did you work all those years that you all were moving around? Is your job something that you can do anywhere? How about kids, do you have any?
If he is stuck there career wise, you have two options: accept it or leave alone.
If you don't want to leave him, try to make your home "home". Get a place you like or make the current one comfy and nice. Find some friends. Go to meetup.com or start any hobbies you like and meet other people. As an army wife you should know by now how to get familiar in places and put roots down.
My family lives on another continent, that doesn't keep me from being happy somewhere else. It's what you make out of the situation. Apparently, you haven't given your current place a fair chance because your heart is not in it. You can't like an area if you don't WANT to like it.
hello sixy, thank you for replying. he works for tobyhanna army depot - he is an electronics mechanic working on helicopters. I am a graphic designer and i work independently from home - during the times that we've stayed put long enough for me to work full time, i worked as an executive assistant. so my job is pretty much flexible. we have two kids. thing is, i am very close to my family and i want my children to grow up with their cousins.
he told me that he doesn't want to start over somewhere else. i am not sacrificing his time put in, i don't want to just pack up and go. i want to explore options, weigh the pros and cons and go from there. if he works for another government agency, they will continue his time served. e.g. he's only worked for this company for 7 years but has put in 15 in the army, so on paper - he has served 23 years.
but i always get shut down. it's a plain NO every single time. he even mentioned "sure we'll move, then i will tell you how miserable i am and see how you feel". i thought it was a bit childish and it pissed me off. :/
would he go to counseling? i know the military provides it for couples. he definitely needs relationship counseling to help with his lack of communication and compromise
If he is stuck there career wise, you have two options: accept it or leave alone.
If you don't want to leave him, try to make your home "home". Get a place you like or make the current one comfy and nice. Find some friends. Go to meetup.com or start any hobbies you like and meet other people. As an army wife you should know by now how to get familiar in places and put roots down.
My family lives on another continent, that doesn't keep me from being happy somewhere else. It's what you make out of the situation. Apparently, you haven't given your current place a fair chance because your heart is not in it. You can't like an area if you don't WANT to like it.
I have lived all over the place due to the military, THIS is the only place I really don't like. As an army wife, you can't really put roots down due to the constant moving but the army life is done. Now, I want to plant roots. I've moved several times, I just want to be heard and look at options.
hello sixy, thank you for replying. he works for tobyhanna army depot - he is an electronics mechanic working on helicopters. I am a graphic designer and i work independently from home - during the times that we've stayed put long enough for me to work full time, i worked as an executive assistant. so my job is pretty much flexible. we have two kids. thing is, i am very close to my family and i want my children to grow up with their cousins.
he told me that he doesn't want to start over somewhere else. i am not sacrificing his time put in, i don't want to just pack up and go. i want to explore options, weigh the pros and cons and go from there. if he works for another government agency, they will continue his time served. e.g. he's only worked for this company for 7 years but has put in 15 in the army, so on paper - he has served 23 years.
but i always get shut down. it's a plain NO every single time. he even mentioned "sure we'll move, then i will tell you how miserable i am and see how you feel". i thought it was a bit childish and it pissed me off. :/
Maybe you need more outside stimulation. Contact to other people? How about making friends with other moms?
When we got stationed in California and I didn't work yet, I hated myself and everything, couldn't find friends for a year and felt lonely and isolated. It all changed when I started working and meeting new people.
I am sorry about not being close to your family - but as an army wife, aren't you used to that?? When I married my military ex, it was clear for me that I will never live close to my family again and have to keep moving how the military pleases.
Maybe you need more outside stimulation. Contact to other people? How about making friends with other moms?
When we got stationed in California and I didn't work yet, I hated myself and everything, couldn't find friends for a year and felt lonely and isolated. It all changed when I started working and meeting new people.
I am sorry about not being close to your family - but as an army wife, aren't you used to that?? When I married my military ex, it was clear for me that I will never live close to my family again and have to keep moving how the military pleases.
I have friends here and yes I went through this quite a bit with the army. but we're not in the army anymore. we have choices now of where we can go.
I have friends here and yes I went through this quite a bit with the army. but we're not in the army anymore. we have choices now of where we can go.
... and he chose his hometown over yours. That was probably his plan all along when he joined the military. Sorry you have to go through this but it seems like you don't have many options.
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