Why do guys have a hard time verbalizing their feelings? (wife, boyfriend)
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You are wrong. I know this as fact because I am a man. Get ten men together and the talk is all macho I told my girl, I said woman! Fetch me a turkey pot pie! (speaking of movies ) Get five guys together and the talk is more human Hey guys. You know Suzy and I have been together for a year. I totally dig her and love her like crazy. I was thinking about surprising her with X, or maybe Y. What do you think? Do girls like that sort of thing? Get two guys together and they are practically crying I love my girl so much! No matter what I say or do does not seem to be enough. What can I do to prove my love her. Whaaaaa
The problem with that theory is that it is not a theory, it can't be. It can only be a hypothesis. No one was around back then to witness any of this. Corner a woman with child and she can become downright aggressive. Some women will even go to lengths of prostitution or drug dealing just to have money to put food on the table if things got that bad. Considering this in modern times, I think it is safe to suggest that back in the day, when humans were perhaps more animalistic, that the women took down buffalo along with the men.
This is most likely it.
Well, first of all, my point was men and women need to communicate with each other about saying, "I love you" if it's a problem. That's the main take away. The rest was just supposed to be a little background as to why men might be less inclined to talk about feelings.
But since you seem to want more info...
Quote:
Geary tells WebMD. This difference in form may explain a lasting functional advantage that females seem to have over males: dominant language skills.
Geary suggests that women use language skills to their advantage. "Females use language more when they compete. They gossip, manipulate information," he says. Geary suggests that this behavior, referred to as relational aggression, may have given females a survival advantage long ago. "If the ability to use language to organize relationships was of benefit during evolutionary history, and used more frequently by women, we would expect language differences to become exaggerated," he tells WebMD. Women also use language to build relationships, theorizes Geary. "Women pause more, allow the other friend to speak more, offer facilitative gestures," he says.
When it comes to performing activities that require spatial skills, like navigating directions, men generally do better. "Women use the cerebral cortex for solving problems that require navigational skills. Men use an entirely different area, mainly the left hippocampus -- a nucleus deep inside the brain that's not activated in the women's brains during navigational tasks," Geary tells WebMD. The hippocampus, he explains, automatically codes where you are in space. As a result, Geary says: "Women are more likely to rely on landmark cues: they might suggest you turn at the 7-11 and make a right at the church, whereas men are more likely to navigate via depth reckoning -- go east, then west, etc."
I couldn't get my exes to shut up about their "feelings" :X.
Really though, many men do seem to get overwhelmed by emotions, whereas women are taught to nurture others, so we get conditioned to deal with them (including our own). Women who don't express emotion are called cold & shamed over it. I experienced this as a child, as I was not gooey with words like girls are supposed to be.
If anything, this makes a case that women are actually the more rational ones, as emotions are not some mysterious gobbly **** we repress or express only indirectly. We understand them, translate them into a form to be communicated, articulate them, and then MOVE ON. We recognize them as tools for communication, not blocking of thinking.
The repression that men do can be unhealthy.
But expression can have many forms, and sometimes it's as much about the person as the gender. I tend to find words cheaper than action. It's the whole love languages thing.
I as a man share my feelings,but I am extremely careful who I share them with. When you share your feelings you become vulnerable .Some people are gossipers and cant "hold water".
Well, biologically speaking (and in general) men have less developed verbal sides of the brain (in favor of the part of the brain that controls hand-eye movement). That's why more men than women have problems with speech after a stroke. The theory behind it is the brain uses a lot of resources, so we evolved slightly differently. Men hunted and developed ways to hunt (hand eye, etc) better and women gathered and gathering takes more communication because you have to explain where to find the food, which foods are the right ripeness, etc, etc.
I think if more women just understood that a lot of men have a problem with saying, "I love you." And more men understood how extremely important it is to a lot of women to hear the words, "I love you." Then things would be better for both. Of course, you have to discuss that on a couple-by-couple basis really.
this is part of the answer, but not all of it. yes men were the hunters, and to take down our prey, we had to learn to stay silent while moving into position, and tracking our prey, only calling out after we have taken down the prey, or need help taking the prey animal down.
but it s more than that as well. men are generally taught to internalize our feelings, because we have to put up a tough front, especially when times get tough. we are taught that we are the strength of the family unit. and we are also taught to avoid showing emotion.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
Why do some guys have this problem?
Same reason some women do. I find it to be a problem with women frequently. Some people just aren't that self aware. Or they're not comfortable talking about affairs of the heart. Or they're just not good speakers in general. Any number of reasons. People just vary a lot.
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