Ladies do you like chivalry? (dating, women, lover, husband)
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I don't know if this subject has been discussed before but here it goes.
Ladies do you like "chivalry"? Like a man open doors for you, telling you look pretty, compliments, giving you his jacket so you won't feel cold etc?
It may sound a dumb question but nowadays I've noticed several women says that "chivalry" is like "dead" and they don't need that.
For example one day I was at the cinema and I noticed two young girls, like in her 20's (I'm 43 yrs old) doing the line for the popcorn for a guy!!! Asking him what he wants and they are buying his stuff and the guy was sitting there like it was okay. I mean, there is anything wrong with women buying me popcorn, I think that's cute she takes that into consideration but at the very least I will do the line with her to help her with the things. Yo know what I mean? I'm a classic kind of guy...old school so to speak.
Personally, I like it. I don't think I could be with a man that treated me like his buddy.
If we go shopping, my husband ALWAYS brings the bags in. I'll grab a few, but he'll usually try and take most of them (or all of them) and carry them in. Even in the store...we grab the little hand basket for just a few items and it winds up being more than just a few, he'll carry them all.
If it's raining, he'll run and get the car or he'll drop me off at the front door. If there's one seat left, I sit and he'll stand. If it's cold he'll give me his jacket, he always offers me the "last" of anything...one piece of candy, it's mine, the last clean coffee mug, he offers it...etc.
Most of the women here are going to tell you "yes I like a gentleman" Rather than ask them questions and listen to what they say, the best way to figure out what women like is to just watch what they do. That'll tell you what you need to know.
Chivalry bores me. I think couples do nice things for each other as a matter of course. I recently had a guy read my dating profile online and demand to know why I didn't want a guy opening doors for me and pulling out chairs for me. He was very offended and took it to mean I was opposed to all forms of public affection. Not at all. But I open doors for myself every day. I pull out my own chair. I do these things without thinking. It's like someone offering to chew for me. And it's disruptive - I don't want to have to stop what I'm doing because some guy feels the need to insert himself into the flow of my actions to prove a point. Want to express affection? Put an arm around me. Hold my hand. Sneak me a quick peck on the cheek because you think I'm that goddamn adorable you can't resist it. But don't treat me like I'm a delicate flower when that is the last thing I have ever been, and I would not have made it this far if I was.
When my father was near death and his life had fallen into disarray due to him masking his illness, I spent three weeks by myself with a crowbar and sledgehammer tearing down structures on his property to bring it up to code. I pushed myself to the breaking point. I worked 12 hours a day on his property through the worst of the summer heat, when it was regularly over 100 degrees. When it got dark, I came in and worked on his paperwork until I couldn't keep my eyes open. It was one of the most miserable times of my life, but I got everything done that needed to be done. Someone pulling my chair out for me at that time in my life would have just made me laugh long and hard.
As for paying for stuff, I make more than most of the men I date. I let them pay for that first meal if they insist, but generally I'm happy to go 50-50. If a guy wants to "take care of" me, what I'd really prefer is somebody doing an oil change or fixing my fence or something like that once we're really in a relationship.
Chivalry isn't real. Anybody can do it to make themselves appear to be a gentleman. It's the stuff that matters over the long haul that I care about.
I love chivalry, but it has to come from a place of strength and give off an air of ownership/protectiveness. If it comes off as "Nice Guy" trying to win approval, or if it's too gentle and you're treating her as a helpless child, then it will be a turn off. Chivalry has nothing to do with compliments, btw, do not go overboard and constantly give her compliments, it'll come off as insincere and too much.
It might be a fine line, but I like when a guy I'm dating treats me as if I'm special and wants to be nice and help out, but I don't want to be treated condescendingly or like I'm helpless.
OP's popcorn line, for example, comes across as a bit pandering. It's "cute" that she wants to get the snacks? It's fine to want to help her carry things, but she's presumably an adult with a job. Getting the popcorn (especially if he got the tickets) is no big deal.
I love chivalry, but it has to come from a place of strength and give off an air of ownership/protectiveness. If it comes off as "Nice Guy" trying to win approval, or if it's too gentle and you're treating her as a helpless child, then it will be a turn off. Chivalry has nothing to do with compliments, btw, do not go overboard and constantly give her compliments, it'll come off as insincere and too much.
I agree with this. I LOVE chivalry, and would love to find a man who was like that. But not in a condescending way, as if he sees me as a baby or dog who needs his guidance.
Genuine chivalry. Him doing the things *Sixy* said. But because he cares for me and wants to. Not because he is trying to get sex, or approval.
The guy I have a huge crush on now is very chivalrous toward women in general, and I find it very sexy.
Last edited by HappyRain; 08-09-2014 at 10:23 AM..
If we both help each other out - hold doors for each other, change each other's oil - that's fine. And that's how my relationships have been. But if something is one sided, or wrapped up in gender role stuff, them I am suspicious that the person has Issues.
Do people any group of people like it when you kow tow ??pay for it all ??and accept all blame? Does the world love a door mat ??
Yes up to the point that it makes them look bad
I love the little things like doors, chairs, being allowed to sit down first.......but mostly only with a potential lover. It has to be someone that I trust enough, though, to lower defenses to whatever degree, such as if I let him go get the drinks or instead, I go to the counter with him but let him order the drinks.
But in the work game, my need or demand of it may be switched off, both from the aspect of not letting others, such as new game players, see me in a weakened position and also from the aspect of the leader-follower position ESPECIALLY when it comes to security issues.
Ie, is it escorting me to my car or is it a two man rule? It's the latter and then I drive the usually him back to the "office" so he doesn't have to walk through the area of concern alone.
Finally, in the "spy" game (if I think I may be under surveillance or not) or in acting, it may be switched on or off as I perceive the need........or the role. Ie, think the opening of "Thunderball".
All things said, it is nice when I can allow it to happen.
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