Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Errr.... Over-generalizing a bit, there? Dating or being in a relationship isn't all there is to life. Some people are quite happy being single and having the time to pursue other interests.
The OP clearly wants to date so I think his post is relevant given the context of this thread.
Errr.... Over-generalizing a bit, there? Dating or being in a relationship isn't all there is to life. Some people are quite happy being single and having the time to pursue other interests.
Honestly...there shouldn't be all that much to understand about dating, OP. If a guy has a little self-confidence and can interact with a woman such that they're comfortable around each other, then boom! That guy is "dateable". If they enjoyed each other's company on the first date and there was some chemistry, then it's highly likely a second date will happen. Look, there are men out there who struggle to add 2+2, write a complete sentence, have a poor attention span, are procrastinators, have low IQ...and yet a lot of them still manage to find women to date without too much difficulty.
Just speaking for myself...I interact with women (in general) in almost the same way that I interact with my male friends and colleagues. There may be a few subjects that I'll tread carefully on when around women, but that's about it. To be more precise, how I interact with a person depends far more on that specific individual, and less about the person's gender.
While there are a few guidelines to be aware of when in the vicinity of women, some guys seem to believe that learning how to talk to and engage women requires its own standalone 500 page textbook. Which is clearly not true.
Dating is - or should be - pretty basic stuff. Assuming you don't have certain mental issues, reading nonverbal social cues and communicating and engaging with women (or people in general)...isn't difficult either, although there is an art to good communication and it can be quite nuanced. There is a reason why, for many males, this stuff is pretty much second nature by their early-mid 20s if not sooner.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert5
If the OP is over the age of 19 and really doesn't understand the concept of dating then the OP is hopeless and will not benefit from any advise anyone can give him.
I believe the OP mentioned in one of his older threads a year or two ago that he was in his late thirties.
While the original posting is excessively melodramatic, it has a point: dating is fraught with risk and uncertainty. We no longer have formal coming-of-age rituals where youths are anointed as men. Instead we have informal rituals, tests of "manhood", and one such test is whether the prospective man is able to initiate communication with women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones
... Women initiate, almost always. Women initiate, and they do it nonverbally, with glances, facial expressions, and body language. They make it very clear that they are interested. If you 'approach' a woman who has not previously initiated, that is what feels creepy.
Most people meet a person they are attracted to (that means you have compatible personalities and values, not just that you like their looks) about once every 6 months or so. Most adults have dry spells that last 2-7 years. ...
Nila, I sincerely hope that your estimates are excessively conservative. A "dry spell" of 2-7 years would be sustainable for hardened stoics, but for the average person this would be incredibly frustrating. And for persons who are actively looking (instead of moping, entombed in their houses), I would hope that the prospect for mutual attraction appears 2-3 times per month, not once every 6 months!
On the subject of who initiates… if a woman doesn't perform this subtle dance, ought a man to not approach? I would opine that it is incumbent upon the man to make an initial attempt, however innocently, even in the absence of female signals of welcome. Otherwise he'll indeed be waiting for a long time. This seems to be the expectation, and is precisely the thing that causes me so much trepidation, for indeed I'd be loath to approach before receiving some signal that it's OK to proceed.
Honestly...there shouldn't be all that much to understand about dating, OP. If a guy has a little self-confidence and can interact with a woman such that they're comfortable around each other, then boom! That guy is "dateable". If they enjoyed each other's company on the first date and there was some chemistry, then it's highly likely a second date will happen. Look, there are men out there who struggle to add 2+2, write a complete sentence, have a poor attention span, are procrastinators, have low IQ...and yet a lot of them still manage to find women to date without too much difficulty.
Just speaking for myself...I interact with women (in general) in almost the same way that I interact with my male friends and colleagues. There may be a few subjects that I'll tread carefully on when around women, but that's about it. To be more precise, how I interact with a person depends far more on that specific individual, and less about the person's gender.
While there are a few guidelines to be aware of when in the vicinity of women, some guys seem to believe that learning how to talk to and engage women requires its own standalone 500 page textbook. Which is clearly not true.
Dating is - or should be - pretty basic stuff. Assuming you don't have certain mental issues, reading nonverbal social cues and communicating and engaging with women (or people in general)...isn't difficult either, although there is an art to good communication and it can be quite nuanced. There is a reason why, for many males, this stuff is pretty much second nature by their early-mid 20s if not sooner.
Do you think if it was that easy, so many guys would need to resort to dating coaches and/or PUA material?
It isn't that basic or simple (at least not anymore..sadly), believe me.
I don't blame you for being confused. It is all blurry now. It didn't used to be.
When you're dealing with women you know nothing about, It's better to always approach but err on the side of caution. If she likes you a lot (which is what you want) she will eventually voice a complaint somehow that you don't seem to like her. That is when you should do the full press. She will be able to appreciate it then. Personally, I prefer the full press from day one, but most women can't handle that.
Do you think if it was that easy, so many guys would need to resort to dating coaches and/or PUA material?
It isn't that basic or simple (at least not anymore..sadly), believe me.
I don't know the numbers, but while some guys need help, and it's good that help's out there, plenty of people get together every day. People have been getting together for ages. It's really not some huge mystery.
Nila, I sincerely hope that your estimates are excessively conservative. A "dry spell" of 2-7 years would be sustainable for hardened stoics, but for the average person this would be incredibly frustrating. And for persons who are actively looking (instead of moping, entombed in their houses), I would hope that the prospect for mutual attraction appears 2-3 times per month, not once every 6 months!
It seems the women are able to handle long dry spells more easily than men. I'm surprised at how quickly men move from one relationship to the next.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant;
On the subject of who initiates… if a woman doesn't perform this subtle dance, ought a man to not approach? I would opine that it is incumbent upon the man to make an initial attempt, however innocently, even in the absence of female signals of welcome. Otherwise he'll indeed be waiting for a long time. This seems to be the expectation, and is precisely the thing that causes me so much trepidation, for indeed I'd be loath to approach before receiving some signal that it's OK to proceed.
I agree with this. It's not practical to wait for a signal. If you're at a party, for example, and she has her back to you and doesn't even know you exist, how can she give you a signal? Approaching and initiating a conversation is the obvious thing to do. Or joining the group she's having a conversation with. The same would apply anywhere: the store, a concert at intermission, opening night of an art gallery show, etc. The latter two venues are occasions when women expect to be chatting with strangers. No signals necessary.
I agree with this. It's not practical to wait for a signal. If you're at a party, for example, and she has her back to you and doesn't even know you exist, how can she give you a signal? Approaching and initiating a conversation is the obvious thing to do. Or joining the group she's having a conversation with. The same would apply anywhere: the store, a concert at intermission, opening night of an art gallery show, etc. The latter two venues are occasions when women expect to be chatting with strangers. No signals necessary.
That's true, but once that conversation is initiated further signals will be given. Reading this board I often think that the guys who complain about constantly being rejected rudely don't notice these cues. I have a hard time believing that a nice woman having a nice conversation is going to flip out and throw around insults and vulgarities if a guy asks for her number. But if a woman is obviously annoyed or uninterested and feels like she's being pestered (or if she's simply a nasty piece of work,) she might.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 08-10-2014 at 09:08 AM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
