Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I do it non stop. I always tell myself that I want to improve myself much much more before it's even worth a try. I made a thread earlier where I talked about how I'm well above average in every superficial way that people are judged (not that it matters) and I consciously see men who are very average constantly have success in dating yet this just does not register in my mind. I constantly go back to my old notions of feeling like I have to be absolutely perfect beyond perfect to have any chance whatsoever in dating so I always want to procrastinate, procrastinate, procrastinate. I want to look like a fitness magazine coverboy before I put in any real effort towards meeting someone (I'm muscular now and look great in street clothes but I don't have the fully chiseled six pack abs quite yet, about a month away from that)
What causes this on a psychological level? and no I don't have stupid high standards towards women. Despite my success in life, I'm not interested at all in superficial or high maintenance women. I want someone who is nice, caring, loyal, sweet in terms of personality traits and decent looking with a decent figure in terms of physical traits
I feel like I'm miles and miles (of self improvement) away before any decent looking girl would ever consider me
Consider getting yourself evaluated for body dysmorphic syndrome. It's where you never think you're good enough, in shape enough. You always see areas that need improvement, a little fat here, not quite enough muscle there. It's a thing with guys. Like anorexia in women, where they think they have to keep losing weight, no matter how skin-and-bones they get. It gets masked in the bodybuilding culture, but it's a clinical disorder.
Consider getting yourself evaluated for body dysmorphic syndrome. It's where you never think you're good enough, in shape enough. You always see areas that need improvement, a little fat here, not quite enough muscle there. It's a thing with guys. Like anorexia in women, where they think they have to keep losing weight, no matter how skin-and-bones they get. It gets masked in the bodybuilding culture, but it's a clinical disorder.
I may have this but I think it's pretty mild. I am overall pretty happy with how I look (even though I'm about a month away from being in real fitness coverboy shape). Guys who really have this tend to be severely disconnected from reality - they will be very muscular and think that they're tiny....that's not me
It's not that I'm not happy with how I am, it's that I feel like I need to be the absolutely most perfect version of myself possible before I can get anywhere in dating but I can never get to that level of perfection where I feel like it's enough
Again, it's not that I'm unhappy with myself. I like myself and what I have to offer. I just don't think any decent looking woman will like it so I want to constantly self improve so I can get to that point. I imagine women being very very harsh on me in terms of judging my shortcomings
I may have this but I think it's pretty mild. I am overall pretty happy with how I look (even though I'm about a month away from being in real fitness coverboy shape). Guys who really have this tend to be severely disconnected from reality - they will be very muscular and think that they're tiny....that's not me
It's not that I'm not happy with how I am, it's that I feel like I need to be the absolutely most perfect version of myself possible before I can get anywhere in dating but I can never get to that level of perfection where I feel like it's enough
Again, it's not that I'm unhappy with myself. I like myself and what I have to offer. I just don't think any decent looking woman will like it so I want to constantly self improve so I can get to that point. I imagine women being very very harsh on me in terms of judging my shortcomings
Maybe (to the bolded), but it's gotten conflated with your anxiety about approaching women. Kind of a double-whammy.
If you continue to procrastinate and know that you are doing it do you really think if you have this issue it is "mild".
There is some reason why you are not putting yourself out there and it could be the attitude that you are putting out.
You state you are perfect in every superficial way except no one is perfect and if that is what you are looking for then you will be looking for a very long time.
Also, if perfection is the way you want others to see you they are going to look beyond you because no one is perfect, no matter how hard you try.
You are living in your own created self fulfilling prophecy because you think you are not good enough for a good woman.
How about giving a good woman a chance to tell you if you are good enough?
Maybe (to the bolded), but it's gotten conflated with your anxiety about approaching women. Kind of a double-whammy.
I think a little bit of that is natural in my position. I have a LOT of friends who look absolutely amazing. I am not hanging out with 50 year old guys with beer bellies - even one of my 39 year old best friends looks like a total studmuffin. It's natural to be a little disconnected from reality because of my surrounding but it's not too bad.
but again, I'm happy with myself. I've been happy with myself for the last few years. It's me imagining women as being very very harsh on me and my shortcomings and all wanting a truly perfect man
I may have this but I think it's pretty mild. I am overall pretty happy with how I look (even though I'm about a month away from being in real fitness coverboy shape). Guys who really have this tend to be severely disconnected from reality - they will be very muscular and think that they're tiny....that's not me
It's not that I'm not happy with how I am, it's that I feel like I need to be the absolutely most perfect version of myself possible before I can get anywhere in dating but I can never get to that level of perfection where I feel like it's enough
Again, it's not that I'm unhappy with myself. I like myself and what I have to offer. I just don't think any decent looking woman will like it so I want to constantly self improve so I can get to that point. I imagine women being very very harsh on me in terms of judging my shortcomings
These two statements contradict each other, you cannot be one with the other or the other and be one.
It is either you are happy with yourself as you are or you feel like you need to be the most perfect version of yourself which is unattainable in your own mind. So you will never reach that perfection goal because that goal will keep moving further away the closer you get to it.
These two statements contradict each other, you cannot be one with the other or the other and be one.
It is either you are happy with yourself as you are or you feel like you need to be the most perfect version of yourself which is unattainable in your own mind. So you will never reach that perfection goal because that goal will keep moving further away the closer you get to it.
That contradiction you pointed out is the OP's way of asking for help, then denying he needs it once people offer suggestions. It's a pattern with him.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
