Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I dated this guy on/off (mostly off). Every time I thought we turned a corner and things were getting serious, he'd take off. The first time around, I was at least 50% to blame (if not more). I'm no spring chicken and I've been around the block. The next two times I was 100% to blame because he showed me who he was and I should've believed him, the first time.
The third time around, we kept seeing each other at these singles events. He pressed me to talk to him over like 10 months. As he was leaving, he complained about how I kept my house and my hygiene. Admittedly, I'm messy. I wasn't big into cleaning but I do clean. Garbage is the garbage, dishes are in the sink. It's really my bedroom that is a wreck (clothes, shoes, magazines, no food or dishes) but I do change my sheets weekly. I keep the common areas decent because you never know. My bedroom, well every time he wound up there, it was unplanned. He claimed he got a rash/bug bites at my house. I may be messy but I'd never let my home be infested. I see one bug, I freak and I'm screaming on the phone to Orkin so that was total BS. On top of that, as of our last convo, he still couldn't keep straight whether it was a rash or a bug bite and that's after he supposedly went to the doc.
As far as my hygiene is concerned, I shower once a day and wash up before I go to bed. That's the way I was raised. He insists that all woman shower twice a day and that I should as well. I shower twice when it's hot or when I workout or if I'm stepping out. Every time I saw him I was shower fresh, so I don't know that taking another shower would satisfy him. By the way, he isn't always the freshest smelling flower himself.
We stopped seeing each other May/June 2013. I was hurt and it took me a minute to get myself together and put myself out there again. I started hitting the singles events again and there he was. I avoided him until he pinned me down last weekend and we got into it. During our "relationship", I was never given the opportunity to express my anger, complaints or disappointments. He pressed me talk to him and tricked me into airing my grievances even though I knew once I got started -- he wouldn't be able to take it.
Of course he skipped out of the convo. I tried to call him, he didn't answer. I was going to let it go but I got so agitated that I couldn't sleep. So I listed and aired my grievances via text. He didn't respond. He never does, he just waits until he runs into me at an event to try to talk. By talk, I mean he wants me to admit I was wrong. I don't take that seriously because if he was serious and sincere, his but would be parked on my front porch until I agreed to talk to him.
My sister and friend said I lost because I let him know I still cared by letting him have it. I do still care. It's no secret. End of the day, I know it's pointless and I'm going to wind up in the same place with this guy but I've been holding back for over a year and I finally let it out. Did I lose, again by letting him have it? P.S. I'm not going to the singles events anymore so that should be the end of that. What do you think?
I got a headache before reading half of it, but if its like a lot of other posts that have been started on here, I think the definition of insanity applies.
I think that thinking in terms of won/lost is an automatic fail. You got the stuff off your chest, you don't expect to run into him again, so it's all cool.
This guy must be hawt, sice you keep going back to him, but he clearly has Issues with a capital I. He is not going to change. He is not going to have some big epiphany and decide to work on his stuff (or just get over it instantly). He has serious emotional problems in relation to women, and women's bodies, and control. Being in an actual relationship with him would be a nightmare, would be psychologically damaging to you, and might be physically dangerous.
I think that thinking in terms of won/lost is an automatic fail. You got the stuff off your chest, you don't expect to run into him again, so it's all cool.
This guy must be hawt, sice you keep going back to him, but he clearly has Issues with a capital I. He is not going to change. He is not going to have some big epiphany and decide to work on his stuff (or just get over it instantly). He has serious emotional problems in relation to women, and women's bodies, and control. Being in an actual relationship with him would be a nightmare, would be psychologically damaging to you, and might be physically dangerous.
Find a different guy.
i am with nila on this. he isnt going to change at this point, so stop taking him back. its time for you to move on girl and find someone who is going to stay with you long term.
If you have any intention of keeping this guy, which I assume you do since you posted this, I would suggest you start first by cleaning your bedroom. He sounds like kind of a clean freak, but if you want him, I guess its a package deal. So you have a simple decision to make, up your cleanliness or forget him. I'd suggest you not contact or call him any more until you've cleaned up your bedroom. And it wouldn't help to admit you were wrong about some of your previous conflicts.
You might as well face some facts. AS you get older, the availability of available men decreases. Most men know this, and can be pickier. You may even have to do the pursuing to get one. I know of women who definitely are.
I'm one of those clean freaks. I'm the type that uses toothbrushes and bleach. If I thought I forgot to clean the stove top or counters while in bed, Ill get up in the middle of the night to clean it.
@anyrate, OP, people like him (and me) have serious issues, Lol ditch him!
I'd happily marry a clean freak if he didn't mind that I was not one .
They do exist -- my dad is pretty dang clean, and neither of his wives have been. He does the housework, and everyone is happy. But he does not have weird phobias, imaginary bugs, and does not freak out when his gf/wife is freshly showered but mentions that sometimes she only showers once a day.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
.
