I don't want to get married, have children or date, is this a problem? (loving, family)
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I am a loner in every sense of the word. I've never had a boyfriend, never had sex, and do not have any close friends. I do very well for myself as an auditor/accountant. For the most part, I work at home and alone with little or no issues at all.
I enjoy my life and want things to continue as they are, but sometimes I feel bad, only because others tend to put their own expectations on me. When I'm vacationing alone, people will often ask, why am I traveling alone? Or if I'm eating alone, people will give me those awkward glances.
I am anti social, and I tend to shy away from people, because offline I do not like engaging in extensive conversations with others, if it's none work related.
Needless to say, I know that marriage is out of the question and I have no interest in ever having children. Why am I treated as though my lifestyle is a problem, when I'm happy.
If that is what you want, who am I or anyone else to say anything negative about it? Do what you want, and be your own person.
I am very mistrustful of people so I have never really sought to socialize with others. At one point, I did care about how I was perceived, but not so much anymore.
I don't think there is anything wrong with being in relationship nor is there anything wrong with not wanting anything to do with them (so long as you are not avoiding them out of fear or anger because that implies you do want to connect, but are unable to let go of the past.)
For me with dating I don't have anything against it, but I'm not interested in anyone at the moment. Apparently my friends don't see this as normal (who decided what's normal?) I have a few people who agree with me but majority think something is wrong, I don't really care though. The guys I have tried to talk to recently don't click with me, and they start to bug me after a while.
My mom keeps insisting I just date to have fun, but I can't have fun with someone I have no real interest (platonic or romantic) in. That's what a lot of people don't get. I don't like people like that and it's rare when I do. So as far as being alone, I prefer it.
I am a loner in every sense of the word. I've never had a boyfriend, never had sex, and do not have any close friends. I do very well for myself as an auditor/accountant. For the most part, I work at home and alone with little or no issues at all.
I enjoy my life and want things to continue as they are, but sometimes I feel bad, only because others tend to put their own expectations on me. When I'm vacationing alone, people will often ask, why am I traveling alone? Or if I'm eating alone, people will give me those awkward glances.
I am anti social, and I tend to shy away from people, because offline I do not like engaging in extensive conversations with others, if it's none work related.
Needless to say, I know that marriage is out of the question and I have no interest in ever having children. Why am I treated as though my lifestyle is a problem, when I'm happy.
I think it's ok if you like your life the way it is. I'm a loner also, and like the idea of being married just so that I won't have to go through life alone, but just because you get married doesn't mean you won't still end up alone (death, divorce, etc.). Just because you have kids doesn't mean they'll want to or be able to associate with you when they're adults. So nothing is a guarantee. If you're happy being alone, that's probably a good thing since you're really the only person you can count on.
Why would someone push them harder and keep prying to begin with?
I tend to agree with Adhom. When people claim to be happy alone yet feel the need to declare their distaste for relationships, proclaim they don't want to ever marry or have children and get so upset because people make benign comments about dating or settling down there is something more below the surface. If it were truly the case why would it be upsetting if someone commented on your lifestyle? When such a person brings up the subject it is as though they want you to push, perhaps because they can not push themselves to consider that they may not be happy alone.
I tend to agree with Adhom. When people claim to be happy alone yet feel the need to declare their distaste for relationships, proclaim they don't want to ever marry or have children and get so upset because people make benign comments about dating or settling down there is something more below the surface. If it were truly the case why would it be upsetting if someone commented on your lifestyle? When such a person brings up the subject it is as though they want you to push, perhaps because they can not push themselves to consider that they may not be happy alone.
But what is the point of constantly pushing and prying like that? It's very disrespectful and I wouldn't want to be around someone doesn't respect how I feel, family or not.
So you're deeply troubled by nagging questions and awkward glances? The only reason you are bothered by these very trivial things is that on some level, you're not too happy about the state of things even though you claim otherwise.
Agreed. A person who is truly inured to the remonstrations of others, will have no reason for self-doubt, or have need to offer justifications, or to seek support and consolation on a public forum – even if one's position is on the fringe. Most often in this genre, we see postings from young men who claim to foreswear female companionship. But why bother announcing this thing? Would women gasp in collective horror and disbelief? Rather, it seems to me that the more one makes such assertions, the less real cause there is to believe them, and instead what we have is person struggling to confront his/her insecurities.
I hasten to add that there's huge difference between a young person fending off harangues to get married and to have kids, instead wishing to delay these things (or to remain child-free), vs. outright disavowing human intimacy as being something useless and unworthy.
So you're deeply troubled by nagging questions and awkward glances? The only reason you are bothered by these very trivial things is that on some level, you're not too happy about the state of things even though you claim otherwise. I have known some anti social people who always claim to just want to be left alone so they can be happy. Push them a little harder and all of them have admitted they aren't very happy in life.
I am very mistrustful of people so I have never really sought to socialize with others. At one point, I did care about how I was perceived, but not so much anymore.
Have you ever discussed your feelings and all this mistrust with a therapist? You might really benefit
But what is the point of constantly pushing and prying like that? It's very disrespectful and I wouldn't want to be around someone doesn't respect how I feel, family or not.
Im not sure anyone is constantly pushing and prying. The OP speaks of odd looks and her mother. Of course your family and friends would be concerned for your happiness but honestly I cant imagine so many people really push. I think most is just normal conversation. Its typical for someone to ask if your dating or when are you going to get married. I don't think people really give two figs. My son doesn't date much and never wants to marry. Occasionally Ill ask if he is seeing anyone. I don't think that is pushing or prying. But if someone starts conversing with me about how they don't want to be in a relationship and how happy they are alone and how annoying it is having people comment on their aloneness I would question why they are focusing on it and feel the need to push the subject.
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