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sadly, however, she comes seeking advice from a forum over run with >40 women who are having a challenging time finding decent men to date. so no surprise about much of the advice given ("date your own age please"). younger women being emotionally, romantically and sexually involved with older men happens, get over it. my ex wife, and recent ex gfs have all been at least 20 years younger than me, and attractive. my semi-gf is coming to visit me this weekend and she's told me 2-3x times past week she misses me and my d*ck. i'm twice her age, and she is hot by any guy's standard.
ohh, and btw, i've dated several women with "daddy issues" and guess what, they are about as normal as they come and i've never noticed any negative behaviors as a as a result, and i certainly would rather deal with that than other mental health or personality issues ive encountered in other women.
Kind of ironic, Dr. Clean, that you are complaining about 'hater women' over 40, when YOU are quite a vociferous hater, yourself, and presumably over 40.
There seems to be a common thrust (ahem) in your posts I've read, and that is that you seem to be DESPERATE to prove how irresistible you are to all these much younger women. I have to wonder why. Today, though, is a real treat: we get to hear how much one of your girlfriends "misses your d*ck."
My goodness. A stud muffin AND so classy. How DO you do it?
I am an over-40 woman who has no problem with an age difference, within reason. My ex-husband is 12 years older than I, and the man I dated prior to meeting him was 18 years my senior. And I would still be willing to date a man 10-12 years older if I could find one I'm attracted to. Chemistry and attraction trumps age.
However, I do say that if a young woman consistently looks to date men considerably older, then yes, there is likely some kind of issue there. The same holds for a man who consistently looks to date much younger women.
I'm telling you that many over 40 women have NO trouble attracting male attention. None. If it seems that we have a "challenging time finding decent men to date," then that is because we tend to be more selective, not because we don't have opportunity to date. I know I would much rather be alone than to enter into any kind of a relationship with a man I wasn't completely attracted to physically and emotionally.
If women over 40 have taken care of themselves, they also have NO problem attracting the attentions of MUCH younger men. It's amazing, actually, and there are probably lots of over 40 women on CD who can attest to that. But I am NO cougar, and I feel no need for that kind of validation. Six or seven years older or younger is now my ideal.
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Last edited by newdixiegirl; 09-26-2014 at 10:59 AM..
He's introduced her to other chicks he bangs. Enough said.
At what point in the relationship did those introductions take place and what was the context? If that was early on and very informal, maybe there's nothing to it. Just a thought to consider.
OP, it's possible that he has developed feelings for you as you have for him.
But take it from me, a 22-year age difference IS likely too much IF you're looking for a long-term committed relationship (and I think you are). It may not seem that way right now, I know. You might feel that you're just perfect for each other. I get it.
But I can practically guarantee you that IF this relationship were to last, you'd eventually be feeling that age difference. It would be just a matter of time, and that length of time depends on a number of factors. I say that to you not just in reference to THIS relationship you're in, but in reference to any other relationships you consider.
I think that you're a very young woman who's created an idealized image of this man, and that image is based on what you seem to have a profound emotional need for right now. That's not to say that he's not a decent guy, idk.
I have no idea what his intentions are. Why can't you just have a conversation with him to clarify the relationship? Why not tell him you are developing feelings for him and address that risk with him? If you don't want a relationship with him as you've explained, yet you are developing these feelings, maybe it's time to just end things so you don't get hurt. However, if you don't want a relationship because you are afraid of getting hurt - that is a whole other issue. You need to clarify your desires for yourself and to him.
Okay, I think I should mention that these other women I met were his ex-wife and the other was a woman who was at the same event as us. Obviously, the idea that he is using me has occurred to me plenty of times. He's a man. You're right, that is the nature of our relationship, using each other. My problem is that somehow something has changed. We went from just sleeping together to him doing all sorts of things for me all the time. I'm not in denial about being the girl he sleeps with b/c I'm not alone in that category. I don't think I am reaching here, but you're all right about me probably having issues. I laughed when I read those comments (definitely not funny) because I know. I suppose I just want to know that I have some sort of value to his life-that's all. OH, and I have been very successful in avoiding the whole oxytocin plague everyone loves to talk about with almost all of my sexual relationships. It can be done. It can be very easily done in my opinion. I agree that I need to address the topic, I just don't know how to without wounding my pride. I guess there really is no way to avoid that. You've all been very helpful.
P.S. Guys my age are despicable. Older is better, imo.
Ok, after reading your follow-up post, I think you have some issues to work out.
There is an element of misandry in your post (see highlighted above). It sounds like you have some issues to work out on how you view men in general (so maybe the earlier posts about "daddy issues" hit the mark). I can tell you there are, in fact, some men out there who 1.) Are not users 2.) Are not despicable if they are your age. BTW, this is coming from someone with an older SO, so I have no problem with the May-December romance thing.
4. There was never a conversation about whether we'd sleep with other people or not because it was casual between us so there was an unspoken understanding.
5. I'm very much an independent, no nonsense person with zero interest in monogamy at this point in my life. I thought I was going to get tired of him like I normally do with other guys I get involved with my age (FWB).
These two says more than anything you are fully aware of your role in this relationship. In what seems like a win for you on the surface (independence and freedom to sleep with other guys) just means you have no place to demand any type of exclusivity from him, whether physically or emotionally. Of course you hesitate to confess deeper feelings for him. What good would that do unless you erroneously assume that confession will induce reciprocity? This is a very common pattern I see in people's behavior -- bold claims of "I don't even want that" when they know deep down, they aren't even being offered what they are refusing.
These two says more than anything you are fully aware of your role in this relationship. In what seems like a win for you on the surface (independence and freedom to sleep with other guys) just means you have no place to demand any type of exclusivity from him, whether physically or emotionally. Of course you hesitate to confess deeper feelings for him. What good would that do unless you erroneously assume that confession will induce reciprocity? This is a very common pattern I see in people's behavior -- bold claims of "I don't even want that" when they know deep down, they aren't even being offered what they are refusing.
I don't think she is really as independent and free as she wants to be (or wants to portray), but this is probably common with 24 y.o. An independent woman should have no problem having that conversation with the guy (i.e. What exactly is this?) as she would be secure enough to ask the question, and secure enough to accept the answer.
I don't hate men. I sleep with them after all. With that being said- I know there are good men and not so savory men. However, it's my opinion that a certain type of man will usually prove himself to be what you thought he was all along (unsavory). I've been along for the whole ride this is true. I've let myself come this far. I am also not assuming he feels the same way. I think now I understand that if he did- he'd most likely tell me. All the comments about him using me must be the answer. I always thought he was-I think I just lost sight of that in between. I guess I have created an image of him in my head. It's just really hard to accept the fact.
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