Young woman sleeping with older man...unfamiliar territory for me. (sex, divorced)
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Even if I'm just sleeping with a girl, my mother raised me better then that. You should always be respectful. I mean, if someone called me up and needed help doing something around their house, just a guy friend, I'd at least come and show them how to do it.
Yes.. Mom did a good job if you have those views... I can get behind that.... nothing wrong with being respectful... If you are familiar at all with my posts... I advocate that all the time.. My post was simply saying a lot of men don't do the chivalrous thing when just doing the bone dance... that was my only point...
Last edited by Chowhound; 09-27-2014 at 02:52 AM..
WHAT am I to him? I don't understand. I just do not. I'm really trying to "go with the flow" and accept the situation for what it is. I've just never been here before in a FWB relationship this long and with a man his age. It usually tapers off with guys closer to my age and I come out unscathed. We are two adults (more like one adult and one struggling to be an adult) who like having sex with each other and enjoy each other's company. However- at the same time I know that this is just not good for me because I will stay until my heart is ripped to shreds. It's rare for me to fall in love-ish, but when it comes to this man I can't help it. I don't want a relationship. I don't think I will ever get what I want from him (emotionally) and I know what to do. I just don't want to be that girl that doesn't get it, because "that girl" is everything I despise. Why can't I just let this go?
A low maintenance FWB. He'll stay with you for as long as he gets what he wants.
Good point. However, he might be doing that because she has made it clear she doesn't want commitment, so he's hedging his bets a bit, by not only enjoying other side girls, but flaunting them.
Or, he could just be enjoying the ride. We really can't know.
So I'll try to keep this as brief and direct as I possibly can.
1. I'm a 24 year old girl. Only been in one serious relationship which lasted 3 years and then realized I'm too young for that, of course.
2. I met this 46 year old man (married 15 yrs/divorced/one 14 yr old child) on OKCupid after my friends encouraged me to join the horrendous world of online dating (gag me-deleted my profile).
3. I have never been in a FWB relationship with a guy his age (usually go for 28 and up). I have slept with a couple of men in their late thirties however. I have been in plenty of "friends with benefits" relationships and so far this has been the longest and most successful. I chalk it up to both of our upfront attitudes especially since he's been around the block.
4. There was never a conversation about whether we'd sleep with other people or not because it was casual between us so there was an unspoken understanding.
5. I'm very much an independent, no nonsense person with zero interest in monogamy at this point in my life. I thought I was going to get tired of him like I normally do with other guys I get involved with my age (FWB).
6. We see each other 3-4 times a week.
7. I was very vocal with him for the first couple of months about the absence of my feelings for him. I even met a few girls he was with. Things were going very smoothly.
8. Several months later and I'm completely screwed. I've finally come to terms with the fact that I care about him even though I'm 60% sure I don't love him. I continue to put up a front with him as best I can in order to protect myself, but who am I kidding here. He reads me like a book and I hate it.
9. Sometimes I stay over, sometimes I don't. The man has repaired issues in my bathroom, brought me food at work several times, always pays, and we talk on a regular basis (not on the phone but via text mind you). We talk a lot.
WHAT am I to him? I don't understand. I just do not. I'm really trying to "go with the flow" and accept the situation for what it is. I've just never been here before in a FWB relationship this long and with a man his age. It usually tapers off with guys closer to my age and I come out unscathed. We are two adults (more like one adult and one struggling to be an adult) who like having sex with each other and enjoy each other's company. However- at the same time I know that this is just not good for me because I will stay until my heart is ripped to shreds. It's rare for me to fall in love-ish, but when it comes to this man I can't help it. I don't want a relationship. I don't think I will ever get what I want from him (emotionally) and I know what to do. I just don't want to be that girl that doesn't get it, because "that girl" is everything I despise. Why can't I just let this go?
I'm 46 myself so I'll put myself in his shoes. It sounds like he is getting what he wants from you. Perhaps he already has had a family and just wants a little sex and company when he feels like it, and you fill that void. If you want MORE than you had better press the issue, otherwise there is a good chance he will continue to do what he is doing until he gets sick of it, or finds another woman. Then again, if you are happy with how it is going, then just ride it out.
Why did you feel you had to end the relationship for her to be able to have a "real' relationship? Not that I disagree with you. I think you did the right thing, both for you and for her. But I was wondering what, specifically, you meant by that.
As someone who has been in relationships with older men, I don't agree that a 30 year age difference would work long term. Anything more than 20 years is pretty iffy, imo. Can real feelings develop? Sure. But you need more than that for a relationship to work.
I'm sure there are VERY rare instances where it has worked. In most big age difference relationships, though, I think it works more for the older individual (usually the man). He'd be pretty darn happy, I imagine. But I fail to see how that would be at all advantageous for the younger person involved (usually the woman), long-term.
People change as they get older. The two people would likely come to be at completely different places in their lives and would want and need entirely different things.
Good question. We had many talks about "us" and the age difference and what life would be like down the road. The little girl was in love with me and I had feelings too. I do not look anything close to my age (not that I ever took care of myself) and usually get guessed for 10-20 years younger than I am. Her argument was I looked young and acted young and she didn't care about the age difference and didn't want kids. I told her when I hit 60 I would look 60 and who knows what would happen as far as sex was concerned, because even though everything was working very well now, it could change quickly. I told her I didn't want to end up falling in love with her and then in five years when I started to look and act my age have her leave and end up heartbroken and alone. She swore it wouldn't happen, but I was being realistic.
I told her it was better she find a guy her own age and move on. She begged me to move in and I told her no. Her feelings were hurt and she quit speaking to me. Eventually that changed and we are friends now.
Why have not anyone mentioned that she's literally a free prostitute on call for the guy?
This FWB is just an euphemism for being a *****. Simple as that. Seems like OP is pretty experienced at this too. Too bad she's not monetizing such "relationships".
Even if I'm just sleeping with a girl, my mother raised me better then that. You should always be respectful. I mean, if someone called me up and needed help doing something around their house, just a guy friend, I'd at least come and show them how to do it.
She needs her pipes unclogged?
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