Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't hate men. I sleep with them after all. With that being said- I know there are good men and not so savory men. However, it's my opinion that a certain type of man will usually prove himself to be what you thought he was all along (unsavory). I've been along for the whole ride this is true. I've let myself come this far. I am also not assuming he feels the same way. I think now I understand that if he did- he'd most likely tell me. All the comments about him using me must be the answer. I always thought he was-I think I just lost sight of that in between. I guess I have created an image of him in my head. It's just really hard to accept the fact.
I guess I'm not a woman, but from a male perspective hating the other gender and sleeping with them is not mutually exclusive.
As to the rest.....hang on.....you're going to come to a conclusion about how this guy feels/thinks based on your thougths and what you got from an internet forum?
This is like a 5 minute conversation that you can have. It's not even a difficult conversation. Ask the guy. What's the worst that can happen?
I don't hate men. I sleep with them after all. With that being said- I know there are good men and not so savory men. However, it's my opinion that a certain type of man will usually prove himself to be what you thought he was all along (unsavory). I've been along for the whole ride this is true. I've let myself come this far. I am also not assuming he feels the same way. I think now I understand that if he did- he'd most likely tell me. All the comments about him using me must be the answer. I always thought he was-I think I just lost sight of that in between. I guess I have created an image of him in my head. It's just really hard to accept the fact.
I don't get how he is using you if that was the intent of your relationship. I thought you said that is what you wanted - that you were "independent and sexually free and didn't want a relationship"? Sounds like he is giving you exactly what you want. Is that now "unsavory" to you? If your feelings/intent changed, you needed to communicate that to him so he can address his role.
I don't hate men. I sleep with them after all. With that being said- I know there are good men and not so savory men. However, it's my opinion that a certain type of man will usually prove himself to be what you thought he was all along (unsavory). I've been along for the whole ride this is true. I've let myself come this far. I am also not assuming he feels the same way. I think now I understand that if he did- he'd most likely tell me. All the comments about him using me must be the answer. I always thought he was-I think I just lost sight of that in between. I guess I have created an image of him in my head. It's just really hard to accept the fact.
WTF? Just becasue you sleep with men doesn't mean you like them. There's a lot of men out there who hate women but would still sleep with them.
Okay, I think I should mention that these other women I met were his ex-wife and the other was a woman who was at the same event as us. Obviously, the idea that he is using me has occurred to me plenty of times. He's a man. You're right, that is the nature of our relationship, using each other. My problem is that somehow something has changed. We went from just sleeping together to him doing all sorts of things for me all the time. I'm not in denial about being the girl he sleeps with b/c I'm not alone in that category. I don't think I am reaching here, but you're all right about me probably having issues. I laughed when I read those comments (definitely not funny) because I know. I suppose I just want to know that I have some sort of value to his life-that's all. OH, and I have been very successful in avoiding the whole oxytocin plague everyone loves to talk about with almost all of my sexual relationships. It can be done. It can be very easily done in my opinion. I agree that I need to address the topic, I just don't know how to without wounding my pride. I guess there really is no way to avoid that. You've all been very helpful.
P.S. Guys my age are despicable. Older is better, imo.
yes we are better. as i said, it sounds to me like he is just taking what YOU are willing to give. you said friends with benefits, well one of the benefits he is providing is fixing things around your place for you. if he was using you just for sex, that wouldnt happen, us older guys are like that.
I don't hate men. I sleep with them after all. With that being said- I know there are good men and not so savory men. However, it's my opinion that a certain type of man will usually prove himself to be what you thought he was all along (unsavory). I've been along for the whole ride this is true. I've let myself come this far. I am also not assuming he feels the same way. I think now I understand that if he did- he'd most likely tell me. All the comments about him using me must be the answer. I always thought he was-I think I just lost sight of that in between. I guess I have created an image of him in my head. It's just really hard to accept the fact.
I wouldn't be so certain he would tell you.
I do not know how old his other "interests" are, or what their age differences are. I have a friend who was 19 when she first meet her now husband, he was 37. He had two grown children, she had never even been with a man before.
They dated, and he broke up with her after about 2 years. His reasoning was that she had grown to attached, and he didn't want to hold her back. They were separated for about 6 months, then got back together, broke up again after another year or so. Then they moved in together when she was 23. Shortly after, they got married, and now they have a child together and are quite happy in their relationship.
He may just feel like you are using him, and that he doesn't want to hold you down to a serious relationship due to the age difference. He may also feel like y'all have little in common outside of sex and an intimate relationship, so that he doesn't want to further engage you.
The point is, you need to talk to him about what you think and want. I have been nice to women, working on their house, cars, etc. That doesn't mean I have feelings for them, I'm just doing what guys do for a girl they are sleeping with.
FWB only really work out in my opinion is when you don't do a lot of stuff together outside of sex. The longer you hang around someone, someone you click with, the more likely feelings will develop, on either side, that's what usually ends up happening, one person falls and the other doesn't.
He's twice your age and has been around the block and most likely isn't falling for you.. I could be wrong, but as someone else said, just because he's nice and helping out around the house and doing other "bf" type things doesn't mean he's in love with you. If it turns out he is and you both end up together that would be nice too.
FWBs work for some, but for a lot of people they don't.
FWB only really work out in my opinion is when you don't do a lot of stuff together outside of sex. The longer you hang around someone, someone you click with, the more likely feelings will develop, on either side, that's what usually ends up happening, one person falls and the other doesn't.
He's twice your age and has been around the block and most likely isn't falling for you.. I could be wrong, but as someone else said, just because he's nice and helping out around the house and doing other "bf" type things doesn't mean he's in love with you. If it turns out he is and you both end up together that would be nice too.
FWBs work for some, but for a lot of people they don't.
I agree 100% Chowhound. If you're doing all the things that a typical gf/bf couple do; see each other often, spend the night in each other's bed, talk on the phone regularly, emotionally support each other, its a de-facto relationship. Walks like a duck, talks like a duck......
Anything beyond just meeting and having sex creates emotional attachments. It was foolish for the OP to allow it to progress well beyond that point and not expect have her feelings involved.
The guy of course is not blameless, but OP should have done a much better job setting boundaries if she knew this wasn't going to lead towards anything serious.
Once feelings get involved, all the rationalizations used beforehand to justify a FWB goes out the window. Which is why the vast majority of them end up crashing and burning......
Been in your situation. I was the older man 30 years difference. The man has feelings for you to, he is just not telling you....trust me. A guy who doesn't care doesn't bring food to work and fix things in your apt for you if you are just a FWB. I have had FWB and that is what it was...sex and nothing else. You should tell him how you feel and see what he has to say. If you are not sure how you feel, tell him how you *think* you feel. Ask him how he feels. Get it out in the open.
Also, it is ok to love or think you love someone much older or younger....it just happens. Most importantly, don't let others influence your decision. We had a great time and it is possible for tow with a drastic age difference to work. Just agree up front what you expect from each other....ie kids, marriage etc.
I ended my relationship because I felt I was holding her back from a "real" relationship with a guy her age. I miss her and she misses me. we are both with people now we are not "in love" with. Don't blow it because of age. It's alright to start out as FWB and fall in love. It happens.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
