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But I do stand by my advice that if you decide to reconnect with someone on a romantic level and it's been some time since you last communicated... re-introduce yourself (when I think of it, a phone call would be best... not a random text like I got).
This is a good point, too. They take a lot for granted that you'll even remember who they are, not to mention--they assume you're still available after a year and a half, or two! Notice he didn't even ask you if you were still single.
I think your initial instincts were correct - he's probably looking for a local booty call. The fact that you had been asking him out instead of the other way around is rare (women rarely if ever do the pursuing) so he's convinced you were, and possibly still are, attracted to him. Which is why he didn't worry about keeping in touch for 16 months before suddenly finding the time to meet with you.
Haha. The ole roll through the contacts list and see who you can get to bite. I did stuff like that when I was very early 20s and briefly when I ended up single at 25. A night of drinks and boredom, you find yourself digging through your contacts looking for what's out there. I'm sure most women saw the text and just rolled their eyes and put the phone back down. I had no shame during those times in my life, so I was not afraid to send a text to someone I hadn't spoken too in over 6 months.
Jillabean, I wouldn't even worry about it. At this point he's just a fart in the wind. You already see the type character he is. Us guys can do some pretty dumb stuff when alcohol and/or boredom is involved.
A while back... several months ago (maybe almost a year? Seems like forever). I met someone and exchanged numbers. The guy lived a good 45 minutes away and had every excuse in the book for not setting a date with me and kept saying, "well meet up again in time." Every time I proposed a date, he shot it down. After about a month of this texting nonsense, I told him it would never work if we couldn't even get a first date in. Which was responded with I should be patient, we'll meet soon, yada yada. I just stopped texting back. Felt like he was going to string me along in texts forever.
I got a new phone since then and left out contacts like that guy. So last night, I get a text... he's going to be in my area next weekend. First off, I had no clue who the text was from (since I removed him from contacts). So I had to send that awkward, "who is this?" text back. After some back and forth I realized who he was (he reminded of of his name and where we met).
I am going to tell him thanks, but no thanks. I've kind of lost all interest in the guy over the passage of time... heck, we never even went out ever. Only met. I am thinking he's looking for a local booty call and I am just into that. Besides, I have plans next weekend. I am not telling him all that... I might just say, "I can't meet you."
But why do people do this? Is this weird or am I the weird one for thinking it's weird? It happened once before to me... but with a guy I actually went out on one date with and it was only a couple of months later. Or do people not usually do this? And more importantly, I just wanted to advise people of this: if you are going to text someone you dated (or only met) after several months don't assume they still have you in their contacts list and will know who you are. Contact them if you like, but re-introduce yourself.
I've had guys do this to me too. One guy seemed pleasant but we met once after chatting for a bit on the phone. He said he lost interest. Okay happens but years later he contacted me. Weird. I didn't even remember his name when he contacted me. I assume there was another woman it didn't work out.
I know a guy that has this exact same behavior. Same distance away. The only difference is I have known this guy through acquaintances.
Can't count on him to keep plans or make time. He disappears for months, reappears to 'touch base' every few months by text. Pinning jello to the wall is easier than pinning down free time in his schedule. If I could get penciled in, I didn't hold my breath because I most likely was going to get blown off the day of.
He's also in therapy an diagnosed NPD.
Take it for what you will, but I personally won't waste my time.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
r Texting isn't effort unless you're a 25-year-old, relationship-naive virgin on City-Data.
These rude and immature comments are really not appropriate. I was tolerant of this sort of thing before but it seems to be a growing issue on this web site. Personal attacks are a violation of the terms of service.
I'm not one to keep contacts on my phone list if I'm no longer interested. In fact, I even go so far as to delete the person's number from my phone in addition to any email messages in my inbox(es), to prevent me from drunk-contacting them again and making a fool of myself
I'm not one to keep contacts on my phone list if I'm no longer interested. In fact, I even go so far as to delete the person's number from my phone in addition to any email messages in my inbox(es), to prevent me from drunk-contacting them again and making a fool of myself
Excellent advice! I pretty much do the same.
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I pretty much do the same.
