Young woman sleeping with older man...unfamiliar territory for me. (dating, girlfriend)
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So I'll try to keep this as brief and direct as I possibly can.
1. I'm a 24 year old girl. Only been in one serious relationship which lasted 3 years and then realized I'm too young for that, of course.
2. I met this 46 year old man (married 15 yrs/divorced/one 14 yr old child) on OKCupid after my friends encouraged me to join the horrendous world of online dating (gag me-deleted my profile).
3. I have never been in a FWB relationship with a guy his age (usually go for 28 and up). I have slept with a couple of men in their late thirties however. I have been in plenty of "friends with benefits" relationships and so far this has been the longest and most successful. I chalk it up to both of our upfront attitudes especially since he's been around the block.
4. There was never a conversation about whether we'd sleep with other people or not because it was casual between us so there was an unspoken understanding.
5. I'm very much an independent, no nonsense person with zero interest in monogamy at this point in my life. I thought I was going to get tired of him like I normally do with other guys I get involved with my age (FWB).
6. We see each other 3-4 times a week.
7. I was very vocal with him for the first couple of months about the absence of my feelings for him. I even met a few girls he was with. Things were going very smoothly.
8. Several months later and I'm completely screwed. I've finally come to terms with the fact that I care about him even though I'm 60% sure I don't love him. I continue to put up a front with him as best I can in order to protect myself, but who am I kidding here. He reads me like a book and I hate it.
9. Sometimes I stay over, sometimes I don't. The man has repaired issues in my bathroom, brought me food at work several times, always pays, and we talk on a regular basis (not on the phone but via text mind you). We talk a lot.
WHAT am I to him? I don't understand. I just do not. I'm really trying to "go with the flow" and accept the situation for what it is. I've just never been here before in a FWB relationship this long and with a man his age. It usually tapers off with guys closer to my age and I come out unscathed. We are two adults (more like one adult and one struggling to be an adult) who like having sex with each other and enjoy each other's company. However- at the same time I know that this is just not good for me because I will stay until my heart is ripped to shreds. It's rare for me to fall in love-ish, but when it comes to this man I can't help it. I don't want a relationship. I don't think I will ever get what I want from him (emotionally) and I know what to do. I just don't want to be that girl that doesn't get it, because "that girl" is everything I despise. Why can't I just let this go?
Why can't this generation of women understand...he's using you. He is not in a relationship with you, but he gets sex and company as often as he wants it.
You are "a warm place to put it," to be blunt.
And that is what FWB is supposed to be, right?
But oxytocin makes not caring nearly impossible for most women.
Meanwhile, why should he care about you if you don't even care about you?
It is an unequal relationship, to boot, as he is older, more experienced, and will likely know how to run the show.
In situations like these, it is disasterous to project your feelings onto him.
Be careful OP, I don't know the guy in question but just take care that he's not using you as a temporary fling. He is 22 years older than you with a lot more experience so just be careful that you're not getting "played". Good luck to you
Maybe he likes you too. If it's at a point where you want to risk it all, talk to him and see if the risk pays off but be prepared for losing him in the process. Or, maybe you tell him, he doesn't like it, but you still continue the current FBW (which most likely he would still welcome). Bottom line is, you shared your feelings to him.
Wait a second.......how is everyone here so certain that this guy is using the OP? Not saying that this isn't a possibility, but isn't it just as possible that this guy genuinely likes her but wasn't necessarily interested in any kind of serious commitment at the outset of this (when the OP wasn't interested in any commitment either) but might be feeling more now, too?
If he's seeing you 3-4 times per week and helping with things he at least sees you as a good friend. If you want to find out exactly how he views the relationship and where it's going, ask him. Sit down and have a direct conversation about where you both stand. If it doesn't work for you at that point, end it.
So I'll try to keep this as brief and direct as I possibly can.
1. I'm a 24 year old girl. Only been in one serious relationship which lasted 3 years and then realized I'm too young for that, of course.
2. I met this 46 year old man (married 15 yrs/divorced/one 14 yr old child) on OKCupid after my friends encouraged me to join the horrendous world of online dating (gag me-deleted my profile).
3. I have never been in a FWB relationship with a guy his age (usually go for 28 and up). I have slept with a couple of men in their late thirties however. I have been in plenty of "friends with benefits" relationships and so far this has been the longest and most successful. I chalk it up to both of our upfront attitudes especially since he's been around the block.
4. There was never a conversation about whether we'd sleep with other people or not because it was casual between us so there was an unspoken understanding.
5. I'm very much an independent, no nonsense person with zero interest in monogamy at this point in my life. I thought I was going to get tired of him like I normally do with other guys I get involved with my age (FWB).
6. We see each other 3-4 times a week.
7. I was very vocal with him for the first couple of months about the absence of my feelings for him. I even met a few girls he was with. Things were going very smoothly.
8. Several months later and I'm completely screwed. I've finally come to terms with the fact that I care about him even though I'm 60% sure I don't love him. I continue to put up a front with him as best I can in order to protect myself, but who am I kidding here. He reads me like a book and I hate it.
9. Sometimes I stay over, sometimes I don't. The man has repaired issues in my bathroom, brought me food at work several times, always pays, and we talk on a regular basis (not on the phone but via text mind you). We talk a lot.
WHAT am I to him? I don't understand. I just do not. I'm really trying to "go with the flow" and accept the situation for what it is. I've just never been here before in a FWB relationship this long and with a man his age. It usually tapers off with guys closer to my age and I come out unscathed. We are two adults (more like one adult and one struggling to be an adult) who like having sex with each other and enjoy each other's company. However- at the same time I know that this is just not good for me because I will stay until my heart is ripped to shreds. It's rare for me to fall in love-ish, but when it comes to this man I can't help it. I don't want a relationship. I don't think I will ever get what I want from him (emotionally) and I know what to do. I just don't want to be that girl that doesn't get it, because "that girl" is everything I despise. Why can't I just let this go?
A side chick, a booty call. This guy is never going to commit to you. Why should he? He getting the best of both worlds. He gets all the benefits of a girlfriend without actually having to commit and he gets to sleep with other women too. I think secretly you do want a relationship, but you realize you're always going to be the side chick errr the girl that guys only want to have a "friends with benefits" with and nothing more.
1. OP, maybe you are not as against long term relationships as you think you are. Your brain might be saying no, but your heart might be saying yes. While that sounds corny (and it is, I admit), that might be what's going on here.
2. There's no evidence this guy is just using the OP, either. While the age difference is large, it's not unfathomable that there could be something deeper than FWB here. Although generally, I say a decade to 12 yrs is about the max age difference for a successful LTR. In that case there can still be enough of an overlap in culture, likes/dislikes, and "stage in life" to make it work.
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