Dating a vegetarian (husband, family, partner, conversation)
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The issue comes in when one or the other refuses to accept the difference and learn how to adapt and compromise.
Yup.
My long-term boyfriend is a vegan and I also felt weirded out about this when we first started dating. However, I soon realized that it didn't change anything for us. My boyfriend isn't the judgey type of vegan and rightly believes that diet is a personal choice and shouldn't be pushed on anyone else. When we first started dating, I lamented the loss of going to ice cream shops together, etc. Turns out there are a few things he can even eat at those places, like non-dairy ice cream and sorbet.
I do not put a huge emphasis on food...I don't really cook or anything and don't sentimentalize the process, so I don't have that problem. Even with that, we've baked things together that he couldn't eat and he still enjoyed doing something like that with me.
I really think this is only a problem if you make it a problem. I would never date someone who judged me for not aligning to their own personal views, whether it's diet, religion, or anything else, so I do think that's the main obstacle.
Why do you feel she has to eat what you eat in order for you to bond with her? You don't expect her to order the same dishes at a restaurant, right? If it's because you like to cook, you can grill a veggie burger just as easily as you can grill your chicken.
My ex had several food allergies that would send him into anaphylactic shock. He was also lactose intolerant, hated mushrooms and celery, was overconcerned about enriched grain or pasta products and high-fructose corn syrup, freaked out about BPA and food storage or preparation products made with plastic or in China, and could not stand the smell of most seafood (I occasionally eat seafood if I dine out somewhere nice).
Somehow, we managed.
Just remember, she'll have to be tolerant of what she might see as your food "issues," too.
Its just that we don't go out to eat very often due to finances. I like to make family recipes that involve meat. Usually in the crackpot. Sometimes I like to smoke ribs on the grill. Long smoke, like 12 hours. I guess, my issue would be that I would have to make an adjustment to my cooking habits. No more cooking for two. Which feels kinda depressing. Some of my family recipes can be made without meat, but not most.
Its just that we don't go out to eat very often due to finances. I like to make family recipes that involve meat. Usually in the crackpot. Sometimes I like to smoke ribs on the grill. Long smoke, like 12 hours. I guess, my issue would be that I would have to make an adjustment to my cooking habits. No more cooking for two. Which feels kinda depressing. Some of my family recipes can be made without meat, but not most.
Well, if it's that much a part of your life that it would bring you down if she didn't eat your food, then you'll have to date women who are not vegetarians. Plenty of them around.
Seems kind of counterproductive, though. A friend of mine wasn't diagnosed with celiac disease until she was married for 10 years. Imagine if that happened to your spouse one day. Would you divorce her? It's kind of the same thing.
Believe me, I get it. My ex could eat some hard cheese, but hated parmesan. Between that and his hatred of mushrooms and his lactose intolerance, know what the first thing I made was when we broke up? Mushroom risotto. And I wouldn't be surprised if he said "GOOD" when his new girlfriend ordered meat on a date, if she eats meat.
Well, if it's that much a part of your life that it would bring you down if she didn't eat your food, then you'll have to date women who are not vegetarians. Plenty of them around.
I'm not willing to give up on a relationship just because of the diet issue. I'll roll with it and give it a try. I was just curious how those who are in one of these relationships make it work. For me, right now, it seems alien. I love her and will work through it. Thanks for the advice
I'm not willing to give up on a relationship just because of the diet issue. I'll roll with it and give it a try. I was just curious how those who are in one of these relationships make it work. For me, right now, it seems alien. I love her and will work through it. Thanks for the advice
Oh, well in that case, heck NO, do not trash a relationship over this if you love her. I thought you were single and just asking because you met someone you were interested in and weren't sure about proceeding or something.
I couldn't date a guy that was a vegetarian. I don't want to have to cook tons of separate meals every day to accommodate the other person's tastes. I mean, if my spouse had a medical issue, I'd be happy to do it, but I don't want to feel judged every time I put a piece of steak in my mouth.
No I see what you're saying. I guess the issue is going from a joint effort cooking endeavor (breakfast,dinner) to cooking separately. I lift weights, need lots of protein to supplement my diet, so, a couple meals everyday involve mostly chicken. I was just not sure how, in the long term, a relationship could survive having such polar opposite diets. But, as I read some of the replies here, it seems it could work. I'm just having trouble understanding how this will impact any relationship long-term. I've enjoyed having a steak dinner with my s/o, or grilling chicken together at a BBQ.
It depends on the person, and what their reasons are for being a vegetarian. If she is someone who can't stand to be around a BBQ and you really enjoy that, then its probably going to break you guys up. OTOH, if she is just doing it because of health reasons or just doesn't care for meat, its not likely to be an issue.
I started dating a lifelong vegetarian about 2.5 years ago, and it was never an issue for me; I respect his feelings and never ate meat in front of him. For the past year, I've basically been a pescetarian, and keep a vegetarian household so he is comfortable eating there (if I want seafood I just eat out). This is not something he asked of me, but after learning more about factory farming practices, etc., I just decided to do this on my own. But I never was a big meat eater anyway, more like 4 or 5 meals per week would have meat and it just wasn't that hard to give up.
BTW you can be a bodybuilder and be a vegetarian also... my BF is!! But its a bit harder and your diet is more limited. You definitely have to have your own reasons to make such a change though.
What is it like? Is it a deal breaker if your s/o decided to go vegetarian? What type of hurtles are to be overcome? I can imagine during breakfast and dinner times, meals are prepared separately, and I could see a rift would develop between the couple. Over a long term period, would the polar opposite diets become an issue? What are your thoughts?
Doesn't have to be an issue unless you make it one. Carnivores eat vegetarian dishes, too. The difference is, they have their meat alongside the vegetarian dish their SO is having. My experience is that vegetarians tend to cook a wide variety of world cuisines, so the food is a lot more interesting than the run-of-the-mill meat diet. Living with a vegetarian can be a positive, not a negative.
The diets don't have to be viewed as polar opposites. They're the same, except that one person is adding a meat side-dish. Or when the veggie enchiladas are being made, chicken is added to the mix for the meat-eater. If it's veggie stir-fry, meat is added after the vegetarian serves themselves.
Seriouslly, people, there's no need to make a mountain out of a molehill.
Last edited by NewbiePoster; 10-15-2014 at 12:31 PM..
What is it like? Is it a deal breaker if your s/o decided to go vegetarian? What type of hurtles are to be overcome? I can imagine during breakfast and dinner times, meals are prepared separately, and I could see a rift would develop between the couple. Over a long term period, would the polar opposite diets become an issue? What are your thoughts?
It depends on whether the person is already a veggie. If so, it's a dealbreaker.
If not, and if they are converting strictly for health reasons, I could deal with it, unless he/she started trying to lecture me, and then they're out the door.
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And I wouldn't be surprised if he said "GOOD" when his new girlfriend ordered meat on a date, if she eats meat.
I thought you were single and just asking because you met someone you were interested in and weren't sure about proceeding or something.
