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That's not what the article was about at all. I'm beginning to think that you are an MGTOW though.
As for the article - I totally get that some people are happier living apart. I also wonder, though, if the author had had a successful first marriage if she would feel the same way. I mean - if she were still married to him, would she be happier living apart from him. I think that the older someone gets, the more accustomed they become to living their own way and the harder it is to share their space with someone. Also, I can imagine it being a huge upheaval for both parties if children are involved. My mom has been widowed for a little over 10 years - and she's not interested in dating at all - but if she ever was to date again, I can't imagine her ever moving in with someone again. One of her friends got remarried in her 50's or so - and living together was very challenging for them. Living together for my husband and I is really easy and pleasurable - and part of it is probably that we have been living together since we were in our (late) 20's. We have built a life together. If I was to become single again in my 40's or 50's - I would have already built my life. I can imagine it would be much harder to share my living space and adjust my whole life to accommodate someone.
Of course not! I would not expect anyone that was happily married, to all of a sudden want to live apart - that doesn't even make sense. Why would anyone do that? And that is exactly right about the older you get, you get used to living your own way. That is the exact point I was making. I have become very accustomed to my freedom, and I would frankly be miserable if I had to give that up and live in an environment where I had to account for my time to someone...as well as all the other changes that would go with living with someone. And my feeling this way, is a direct result of 2 things: 1) I am by nature a very independent person and have never been the lonely/needy type, and 2) my marriage was not a happy one, clearly, as I am divorced - he was extremely controlling, so we were like oil and water. That taught me a lot about myself, I assure you.
I don't think it was the living apart that was the issue but the exteme lack of sex. I live a few blocks from my gf and her son but we have our alone time at least 3-4 times a week. I cant remember if your the poster that had a low sex drive and just wanted someone to hang out with once in a while.
I think most guys would like that situation so long as the sex was VERY regular.
I was looking for dating (as in going out) maybe once a week. But I wouldn't mind spending every day with a person... he comes to my place for dinner or me to his place to watch TV or whatever. Just not to start because I am not bringing a string of men into my home. I am going to wait until I find one who will stick around. Maybe to start/in the getting to know you stage, go out a couple of times a week (even for casual dates like taking a hike or something). then, if we hit it off, then start spending more time together. My problem is it seems like guys want to go from 0-60 with "hanging out" and calling all the time from the get go. They move too fast, rush things, and try to "force" relationship when one hasn't developed. It's like microwave dating in this rushed world. Let's get to know each other first.
And I have a high sex drive. Only ever met one man who could keep up with me and even he would sometimes roll over and not want to go again. But for some reason, because I said I only wanted to date a few times a week to start (casually to start), the assumption was made by a few that I must have a low sex drive (I think so many here figured "dating = sex" or something. I have a high sex drive once I get to know someone, I don't just have sex with anyone. I am very discerning with who I share my bed with and there has to be some sort of solid foundation first... it has to looks like it's going to work and we will be together.
Of course not! I would not expect anyone that was happily married, to all of a sudden want to live apart - that doesn't even make sense. Why would anyone do that? And that is exactly right about the older you get, you get used to living your own way. That is the exact point I was making. I have become very accustomed to my freedom, and I would frankly be miserable if I had to give that up and live in an environment where I had to account for my time to someone...as well as all the other changes that would go with living with someone. And my feeling this way, is a direct result of 2 things: 1) I am by nature a very independent person and have never been the lonely/needy type, and 2) my marriage was not a happy one, clearly, as I am divorced - he was extremely controlling, so we were like oil and water. That taught me a lot about myself, I assure you.
That's a lot of it with me too. I've never really been on my own. I went right from college to married. Now I've been on my own for five years and I don't want to give up my freedom, my closet space, etc. And I also am a very independent person... I have no issue doing things alone that other people cringe at for some reason (like going to a movie by myself, out to dinner by myself, etc). I've always been a bit independent, even as a child. It's just my nature. Living alone suits me and helps me to recharge, de-stress, etc.
Even when I was married and living with my now ex-husband, he was away A LOT. And while I loved him, I really looked forward to the "me space." It gave me room to breathe. Ironically, it gave him room to cheat and see his boyfriends too, lol. But whatever. that's on him, I just know I liked having the place to myself now and then to recharge (so to speak).
I've known couples who are together for years, but live apart. Granted, most are older than I am, but it works for them and it seems like it's ideal for me. It's not that they never spend time together. Two of my neighbors do this. Sometimes they spend a week at his house together... sometimes hers. Sometimes they spend the week mostly apart--going how to their own houses at night. they seem very happy and well adjusted.
That’s because the number of people going this route is skyrocketing. According the U.S. Census Bureau, an estimated 3.5 million married couples in the U.S. are living apart. The number of married couples who live separately for reasons other than legal separation has nearly doubled since 1990. ...
Adults become accustomed to independence prior to marriage, and many are reluctant to give that up just because they decide to commit. Living apart while in a committed relationship is becoming more socially acceptable, and may even take on an air of chic, like the coupledom of Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton, who keep side-by-side town*houses in London. He snores, she's bossy. Separate residences with a communal space on one floor was the answer.
Separate residences is the ONLY way I would ever again consider marriage. I have stated this many times. But even then I have no desire or need to entangle myself legally with anyone else at this point. I just don't need or want this anymore. I am good, blissfully happy, living right by myself.
One thing I don't think was mentioned was the financial costs of maintaining two households... I guess it's not that big of deal other places where real estate isn't so expensive, but here in La La land you can have 3 or 4 roommates trying to pool their resources here, just to make ends meet.
It would seem like you could tolerate each other at all, in terms of living together... think of all the financial investing you could do, possible retiring earlier and all of the other benefits of that nature.
Even if you live together you don't always have to be under each others feet.
This is how I feel about it too. I am part of the 23% the article said would prefer to live separate from their lover.
Funny thing, when I've brought it up in this forum in the past, posters get mad at me saying I want my cake and eat it too. That what I want is "impossible."
Quote:
Originally Posted by TitanWarrior
If I ever was in a relationship, we would have to live apart. The erosion that comes from living together just doesn't make sense to me.
If I ever meet a man I really like, you can count me in as an enthusiastic member of the live-apart crowd, OP!
It's an arrangement that more people might opt for IF they felt that living separately from their SO was socially acceptable. Living apart could help some relationships, too. I tend to think that, for at least some of us, it's the living together day in and day out that ultimately can kill a long-term relationship, legally married or not.
If I ever meet a man I really like, you can count me in as an enthusiastic member of the live-apart crowd, OP!
It's an arrangement that more people might opt for IF they felt that living separately from their SO was socially acceptable. Living apart could help some relationships, too. I tend to think that, for at least some of us, it's the living together day in and day out that ultimately can kill a long-term relationship, legally married or not.
Personally I don't think I could go for the living apart thing. I would argue that the answer is square footage. Big yard, big house, lots of space. To me living apart would just feel too much like having a friendship, but there's no doubt that having to share 1000 square feet of space with one person all the time would start to get tough too.
One thing I don't think was mentioned was the financial costs of maintaining two households... I guess it's not that big of deal other places where real estate isn't so expensive, but here in La La land you can have 3 or 4 roommates trying to pool their resources here, just to make ends meet.
It would seem like you could tolerate each other at all, in terms of living together... think of all the financial investing you could do, possible retiring earlier and all of the other benefits of that nature.
Even if you live together you don't always have to be under each others feet.
No, it just would not work for me. I literally crave solitude. Having my SO there with me every night would send me over the edge. Look. I'm not saying that anyone else at all necessarily needs to feel the same way. In fact I would say that most people prefer more company and less alone time than those of my ilk. My only point is, that there ARE those of us that are happy in our relationships, that do not, and don't want to, live together.
No, it just would not work for me. I literally crave solitude. Having my SO there with me every night would send me over the edge. Look. I'm not saying that anyone else at all necessarily needs to feel the same way. In fact I would say that most people prefer more company and less alone time than those of my ilk. My only point is, that there ARE those of us that are happy in our relationships, that do not, and don't want to, live together.
I'm sure that there are probably more people out there that think the way you do than you might think.
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