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This codependent thing again? It was the subject of a long thread about a year ago.
Bottom line is that both people need to get something out of a marriage, you can't make someone else happy, your happiness is your responsibility, and no, you can't always put someone else's needs ahead of yours.
A lot of my friends posted this to their Facebook pages awhile ago. The whole thing kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Personally, I'm glad that I didn't marry someone that had to be talked into marrying me because it was for me and not him. My husband couldn't wait to marry me because he wanted to marry me.
As someone who is about to get married after 4.5 years of being together, I can understand that you shouldn't be entirely selfish and that you should be a partner to your spouse and do everything you can to make that partnership work.
However, I don't agree to stop doing the things that make YOU happy, too, that are entirely independent of this other person. Don't get so into things that you don't have your individual self either.
I see this with my brother a lot. His wife yells at him about what clothes he is wearing because his outfit should always match hers when they go out. This article would say, "Change your clothes to make your wife happy, because her happiness is all that matters." I would say don't forget that you are also an individual with your own thoughts, feelings, actions! Don't give in to a point where you lose yourself especially if this other person is not reciprocating!
However, I don't agree to stop doing the things that make YOU happy, too, that are entirely independent of this other person. Don't get so into things that you don't have your individual self either.
I see this with my brother a lot. His wife yells at him about what clothes he is wearing because his outfit should always match hers when they go out. This article would say, "Change your clothes to make your wife happy, because her happiness is all that matters." I would say don't forget that you are also an individual with your own thoughts, feelings, actions! Don't give in to a point where you lose yourself ...
I still feel that way. I read the article over a year ago and didn't feel like re-reading it because that is how I felt the last time. That while "marriage isn't for you" - it's not for THEM either.
If as a man, you have no desire to get married and are doing solely for your spouse's happiness, then why shouldnt the same rules apply to her. Why not just NOT get married instead of making your husband commit to marriage instead of just being together without being "certified"?
If as a man, you have no desire to get married and are doing solely for your spouse's happiness, then why shouldnt the same rules apply to her. Why not just NOT get married instead of making your husband commit to marriage instead of just being together without being "certified"?
In marriage, the same rules DO apply to "her"!!! The concept isn't just for men.
It's reciprocal. BOTH partners are supposed to put their spouse's need first. And then ... guess what happens???
Both people get their needs fulfilled. Ta-daaaa!
Unless you're married to a selfish baby who doesn't get it.
I don't see why this is so hard for people to grasp.
In marriage, the same rules DO apply to "her"!!! The concept isn't just for men.
It's reciprocal. BOTH partners are supposed to put their spouse's need first. And then ... guess what happens???
Both people get their needs fulfilled. Ta-daaaa!
Unless you're married to a selfish baby who doesn't get it.
I don't see why this is so hard for people to grasp.
Ok so take this scenario.
He loves her unconditionally but just isnt keen on the actual process of marriage for whatever reason, but can see himself with her for the rest of his life.
She loves him unconditionally and wants to get married as all women do, but understand that while he loves her, he's not interested in going thru the entire marriage process.
Who gives in and makes the sacrifice since "BOTH partners are supposed to put their spouse's needs first?"
He loves her unconditionally but just isnt keen on the actual process of marriage for whatever reason, but can see himself with her for the rest of his life.
She loves him unconditionally and wants to get married as all women do, but understand that while he loves her, he's not interested in going thru the entire marriage process.
Who gives in and makes the sacrifice since "BOTH partners are supposed to put their spouse's needs first?"
If they can't even get past that step, they're doomed anyway.
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