Meeting Women at Meetup.com Events (dating, married, single, older)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
This one's for the ladies, specifically in their 20s and 30s.
What are your thoughts on being asked for your phone number or for a cup of coffee (later in the week) at meetups (meetup.com events). Besides the single meat market events, do you go to meetups with an open mind to meeting a guy?
If so, would you prefer that he asks you on a date via messaging through the site or asks you for your number then and there?
I've been going to a few of these events and can't seem to figure out whether women want to just attend the events and be left alone or go because they're interested in meeting guys - again, ones that are not the single meat market events (we know everyone's trying to hustle there).
Lastly, how do you ladies prefer to be approached? Do you mind if a guy that's interested hangs by your side (non creepily that is) during the event, or would you prefer to chat with him a bit and then keep his distance so you can enjoy the event?
I went to some meetups to meet guys and also hang out with people generally, because my friends don't really go out anymore.
If I meet a guy at an event, I either hang out with him for the most part if we click. If he asks for my number at the end of the event, that's okay. Sometimes, however, I realize afterwards I only gave him my number to be polite. Sometimes I hang out with guys at events because I am lonely and the other women get catty, so that doesn't mean I am actually really interested in dating him.
If he would have sent me a message after the event and ask for my number, I would more likely be honest and give it to him and mean it or not give it to him. However, I would feel a bit awkward if I go to an event again and see him, after rejecting him.
The tried-and-true procedure if you're participating in an activity that meets regularly is: spend the first few sessions chatting and getting to know her a little, letting her get comfortable with you. If over time she seems to warm to you, seems to enjoy the conversations, doesn't cut them short, then ask for a number, or ask if she'd like to get coffee after the event, or if she'd like to go for pizza sometime after one of the meetups.
In other words, you spend a few sessions testing the waters. If you get favorable responses, then make your move.
The tried-and-true procedure if you're participating in an activity that meets regularly is: spend the first few sessions chatting and getting to know her a little, letting her get comfortable with you. If over time she seems to warm to you, seems to enjoy the conversations, doesn't cut them short, then ask for a number, or ask if she'd like to get coffee after the event, or if she'd like to go for pizza sometime after one of the meetups.
Ok, this would be ideal but almost is never a possibility since the ones I've been interested in aren't regulars - they also sometimes rsvp but never show up.
So this led me to re-think... if I like someone I better be fast and secure something at that particular event or I might not see her again.
I've always been a bit old school and asked for phone numbers in person, but now I'm contemplating using the messaging approach. Women I've spoken too have said that they want guys to actually call them for a date, so it seems like mixed messages - don't text, but call for a date; don't ask for phone number, but message for it... it's tough being a guy!
Btw - just so women are clear, there's nothing worse than giving a guy your phone number and not responding to his texts or messages. It makes us feel like crap and we eventually start treat women a bit more ungentlemanly because of it. Ask any guy, we'd rather just have a simple text response that say - it was great to meet you, but I'd like to just remain friends. - simple as that.
Even though I would like to keep my eyes open for new guys, I would prefer a meet up meeting be safe from that. I don't think it's a good feeling to go there and possibly be annoyed and assaulted/asked for your phone number. Most of the times it's going to be an awkward situation, most of the time the one who is asked wouldn't want to give the number and will be in a bad position, which will create tension.
I would double check that the groups that you're involved in don't have rules about using the membership list as a dating site. Which isn't to say that people don't want to meet through these venues, but some guys aren't very subtle and ruin the vibe for a lot of participants.
I was in a similar kind of social group where a guy was sending unsolicited non-group related emails to many of the women. It made the women uncomfortable about taking part in group activities and the guy was eventually kicked out. At the same time, a couple got married after meeting in the group. There's difference between hitting it off and pursuing something and using the group as a meat market.
I would double check that the groups that you're involved in don't have rules about not using the membership list as a dating site. Which isn't to say that people don't want to meet through these venues, but some guys aren't very subtle and ruin the vibe for a lot of participants.
I appreciate it but that wasn't the question - I don't live by those rules. I'm not going to waste an opportunity for what might be a great relationship just so I can be a model meetup citizen. If there's a creeper, that's a different thing and if someone is seriously harassing, I'll be the first person to stop him/her.
Besides, if a girl like me too, I seriously doubt she'd want me to stay quiet just so I don't offend a person or two.
I go to meetup groups to make friends. Now, I don't mind if a friendship turns into more... or if a friend introduces me to someone. I think networking is the best way to meet a man. But that's a bit different and more subtle and it's a side effect of the meetup group, not my goal. It's more of a getting to know someone over time and it being a very warm approach as opposed to a colder approach.
I guess the answer is, you aren't going to know which women do and which women don't want to be approached. I'd suggest just getting to know them better in the context of the group, over time. Heck, if they are interested, one of them might ask you out if you become familiar and feel safe to her.
I go to meetup groups to make friends. Now, I don't mind if a friendship turns into more... or if a friend introduces me to someone. I think networking is the best way to meet a man. But that's a bit different and more subtle and it's a side effect of the meetup group, not my goal. It's more of a getting to know someone over time and it being a very warm approach as opposed to a colder approach.
I guess the answer is, you aren't going to know which women do and which women don't want to be approached. I'd suggest just getting to know them better in the context of the group, over time. Heck, if they are interested, one of them might ask you out if you become familiar and feel safe to her.
I like this, but again, people don't seem to go to the same meetup groups - I tried this approach and it was almost an entire year before I saw a girl at the same meetup group, by then, she was already dating someone.
I like this, but again, people don't seem to go to the same meetup groups - I tried this approach and it was almost an entire year before I saw a girl at the same meetup group, by then, she was already dating someone.
Oh, that is a problem. The two groups I am in are always the same people, every week. One group I've been in for over 2 years I know well... the other is larger and I don't know everyone yet, but I see the same faces each time we meet. Didn't think of that.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
