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Oh OK, I mean like when you've already went out on a few dates.
A few dates... it depends.
Maybe if I explain how attraction works for me (other women are probably different). It takes me a few dates to really get to know a guy and know if I like him. I might be able to figure out from one date if I DON'T like a guy (he's a jerk, he's hateful, etc... might come out). That's easy. But if things are fine and I might be interested and I am not sure, it takes a few more dates to figure things out. Now, that said, after a few dates, if I still haven't figured it out and I am still on the fence then I am still not emotionally invested and it still doesn't matter much to me if he ghosts or fades away. I just figure (again) he lost interest or found someone else.
But if you are talking about after I am emotionally invested (been dating for several weeks/a month or so), yeah, then I can't let it go easily because that bond has formed. In the past I have (and I am sure in the future I will again) make a fool out of myself texting, calling, etc several times wondering, "what happened?" when a guy stops communicating. It's not easy to disconnect then.
Last edited by jillabean; 11-22-2014 at 07:48 PM..
Me personally.
I find those games stupid.
I don't hold back a call for gaming reasons.
I will call, not in a stalking manor.
Or if I'm not interested I will give that person the respect to let them know.
I don't know about other women.
My guess they are busy at work, busy with friends, busy running errands, or playing the waiting game, or not interested.
Hey, I have a question for women ONLY. How do you "disconnect" so easily? Meaning, if the guy doesn't contact you (via text, call, email whatever), you don't contact him....... I wish I had this skill. I wish I could NOT contact a girl I like. Or does a girl not contacting mean she doesn't like you enough?
If someone tells me "it's over" then I believe them.
I have never been on-again, off-again with anyone. I don't get how people can do that...still have those warm fuzzies for someone that has basically said they don't want you anymore. That would completely sour any feelings I had for that person.
Likewise, if someone that I liked didn't show any interest, I'd move on. No sense in wasting my energy on a lost cause.
A.found someone else
B.got bored
C.you insulted her some how
D.too much work
E.not ready for a relationship
F.the pool boy was better
G.Her ex came back
F.Reign the tv show was on (that older guy is hot, am I right ladies?)
Well, that early on, I am not attached, so to disconnect is not hard, because I wasn't really connected to begin with.
At worst, my ego may be bruised, but I figure if there really was potential, then he wouldn't have disappeared. So why should I pursue him? It seems a waste of time.
I suppose I come from the mindset that if a man is really interested in you, then he makes effort and woos you. My natural role is to be receptive, although I understand that not all women are that way. But if he puts nothing out there for me to receive, then I see that I am not being wooed, and I sort of just brush off the idea of him. In my mind, he doesn't like me enough, and I'm not going to make a fool of myself throwing myself at him.
It probably doesn't mean I don't like a guy if I don't contact him....that interpretation would only apply if he contacts me and I never respond. If he texts me or calls, and I don't answer it ever, then I'm probably not into him. If he makes an effort, and I like him, then I will respond.
I notice it's been mentioned there are a "few dates" in this scenario.... at that point, I consider us dating, where mutual interest is established, and so I may feel comfortable to initiate stuff more. However, I'm a pretty quiet, solitary person, so gaps in communication is not a sign I don't like someone. At that point in dating, guys already know that and it's a non-issue. If I totally drop off the face of the earth, then odds are, I don't like the guy, and he may have tried to start up communication again and I'm just ignoring it. I usually let him down gently and don't just blow him off though.
Oh OK, I mean like when you've already went out on a few dates.
OK. Some women would think that if he hasn't called or texted, he lost interest. Some might text a brief message to see what's going on, but others wouldn't want to come across needy or harassing, so they'd just wait to see if the guy reconnects at some point. A lot of women still have the idea that it's not their place to pursue. Plus, what can they do? If they send a text of leave a phone message, "Hey, what's up? Are you ok?", or something, and don't get an answer, there's no point in pushing it.
Hey, I have a question for women ONLY. How do you "disconnect" so easily? Meaning, if the guy doesn't contact you (via text, call, email whatever), you don't contact him....... I wish I had this skill. I wish I could NOT contact a girl I like. Or does a girl not contacting mean she doesn't like you enough?
Most likely, if you think everything went well (whatever the situation is), she's sitting there, on a relationship forum typing out, "He's not contacting me!? Is he losing interest? I don't want to smother him, I don't want to seem desperate, should I contact him?"
A lot of women are conditioned to not be too aggressive and to let the man take the lead. Might be total BS, but it is what it is...
If she doesn't contact you after a few dates, she's probably not interested in you anymore. That's how she disconnected so easily. Guys do that, too, in that situation.
Or, as others have said, she could be an adherent to old-fashioned gender roles who believes the man is supposed to make all the contact. I can't personally relate to that mindset, but it does exist.
Well if some one kept in touch and silent I will send a text with asking if he is okay, no answer then I will give a call and see if he answer if it goes to voice mail then I leave a message "I call you to see why you are silent this is my last call" but guys who I met most gone with the wind. Most of them want to chat, and when I am not in to sex chat or exposing boobs then they most go with wind. Not only woman disconnect easy men do that too.
If anything, more males disconnect quickly and suddenly, much more often than females. I think if there's more females who seem to disconnect so well, it's only a reactionary habit formed to combat against being hurt by guys who up and disappeared so often.
I don't disconnect so easily. I believe in honest communication. If some guy stops communicating with me, or it has slowed down and gotten weird, I'd just text him to flat out tell me the truth that he's not interested and we can just go separate ways. The good ones will take my offer and they will say they had a nice time but didn't see a future for us and to which, I thanked them for taking me out to nice places and I wished them luck on their journey. The only reason why I do that is simply for closure...and to part ways on cordial terms makes things all the more easier for both me and him.
That's not to say that I haven't met guys who up and disappeared because I have. It's sad that society thinks that disappearing without telling a person, no matter if you went on 1 date or was married for a lifetime is EVER ok. It's a matter of proper conduct and well-mannered behavior. Unfortunately, most people are extremely ill-mannered and coarse.
I think we need to all take Victorian etiquette lessons.
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