Why is being a workaholic often seen as a negative thing in the dating market? (wife, girlfriend)
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Why is being a workaholic often seen as a negative thing in the dating market?
I get it, relationships take time and communication, but why is the idea of someone being 'married to their job' seen as a negative.
By 'married to their job', I mean someone who goes above and beyond their normal job duties on a regular basis, and is often spending 10+ hours a day on average working.
Well, it doesn't leave much time for your partner at the end of the day. Also, if one is exhausted from the hours, that doesn't help, either.
However, it really depends. I once dated an IT guy who worked about 10 hours a day (not including lunch) three of the five days a week, but he only had a 15-minute commute and was home by 7:15 every day and had plenty of time for dates. Also, he never worked weekends, and once he was off the clock, he was off the clock. Wouldn't even talk about his job because "meh, it's just work."
There is something to be said for someone who will do what it takes to get the job done, but by and large, I don't see it as "going above and beyond." From an employment pont of view, if someone has to work overtime every day, either the office is understaffed, the person is not qualified and can't get 40 hours of work done in 40 hours, the person is not getting paid a fair wage or has overspent and needs the extra pay (for hourly workers), or there is something going on at home that the person is avoiding.
I can understand it from a female perspective. Women want and need attention in a serious relationship. Not that men don't, but it's a big thing for women.
I have been in this situation before. I am almost thirty and have always been "married to my job". I get in early and usually leave a little late. That's simply because I love what I do. I can be a very romantic guy as well. There have been two women that I've had serious relationships with during my twenties who understood what the difference was. I wasn't actually married to my job just because I'm only focused on making money or moving up the corporate ladder; I am simply passionate about what I do for a living. These two women didn't judge me for my passion, they loved me for it.
There was one woman who I made it known I had feelings for and she explained that she didn't want to be with someone who was married to their job. And I can understand completely. This was after my first serious relationship I mentioned in the paragraph above. So at that point I knew I would find someone who could see the difference between passionate and married to the job. And I did.
Don't worry, you can call me out on sounding like I live in a fairy tale world. I've heard it all before.
I can understand it from a female perspective. Women want and need attention in a serious relationship. Not that men don't, but it's a big thing for women.
I have been in this situation before. I am almost thirty and have always been "married to my job". I get in early and usually leave a little late. That's simply because I love what I do. I can be a very romantic guy as well. There have been two women that I've had serious relationships with during my twenties who understood what the difference was. I wasn't actually married to my job just because I'm only focused on making money or moving up the corporate ladder; I am simply passionate about what I do for a living. These two women didn't judge me for my passion, they loved me for it.
There was one woman who I made it known I had feelings for and she explained that she didn't want to be with someone who was married to their job. And I can understand completely. This was after my first serious relationship I mentioned in the paragraph above. So at that point I knew I would find someone who could see the difference between passionate and married to the job. And I did.
Don't worry, you can call me out on sounding like I live in a fairy tale world. I've heard it all before.
Not all women, by a long shot. Don't forget, some of us are married to our work, too.
And you're young. Give it another 10 or 12 years. You might very well be wanting to enjoy the fruits of your labor. I'm 48, and as much as I enjoy what I do, I'm beginning to see why the retirement age used to be 55. I'm in decent shape and I take breaks, but just sitting at a desk all day isn't what it was 20 years ago. Ya get creaky!
Why is being a workaholic often seen as a negative thing in the dating market?
If I meet a workaholic I generally think I've met someone who does not value having balance in their life - which is something I happen to value. So if our values don't match up it is a no-go. A workaholic is making a statement about what they prioritize by dishing out their waking hours to a single (and often self-serving) focus. In addition to not having a values-match, I find that type of single-focus lifestyle to be a big bore. To each their own.
Dudes who work 70-90 hours a week 80-90% of the time end up divorcing. No one wants to go out with work voice mail. It's for sure a fine line, but you have to have time for your girlfriend/wife and kids. (don't get me started on these people who don't even have kids)
It's a sign you will:
Ignore your wife: work comes first
Ignore your kids: work comes first
Ignore your relationship: work comes first
Deprive your wife and kids of any form of intimacy: work comes first
Create resentment in your wife and kids,
and a lot of other bad things that will eventually lead to the destruction of your marriage.
But you will still have your work: work comes first.
Not enough time for the spouse/S/O. For the most part.
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