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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,711 posts, read 41,902,617 times
Reputation: 41453
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
Does your friend who set you up know that you never want to get married or have kids, you don't want to spend more than a few bucks for a date, and you're basically only looking for sex? How did she think things would turn out?
Do you tell your friends ALL your sentiments on dating?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,711 posts, read 41,902,617 times
Reputation: 41453
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
The drama ensued because of the things you said. You didn't have to be harsh and rude about the girl. If you'd just said "I didn't feel a connection", that could have just been the end of it.
I really don't see how a blind date is any worse than any other option out there for dating. Everyone is a stranger at first. But I do wonder why your friends are trying to get you dates when you don't want any. That's a whole other issue.
No the drama ensued when she was so shocked not everyone thought her friend was so wonderful. She is like how dare you dissent and not find her irresistible. Was I the most tactful? Hell naw but I didn't say anything that wasn't really what I felt. But the notion that I rejected her friend really p$&@rd her off and why we ain't talking today.
The drama ensued because of the things you said. You didn't have to be harsh and rude about the girl. If you'd just said "I didn't feel a connection", that could have just been the end of it.
This, in a nutshell. Maybe because the OP didn't have experience with set-ups, he was also inexperienced with the tactful dismissal, the response/explanation for why he didn't want a 2nd date.
I don't believe the OP doesn't want to get married. I think that deep down, he wants to, but finding the right partner is a formidable task that requires a lot of patience. He's building his career right now, working and going to grad school, so he's focussing on that. And he has his guard up, due to his first tentative experiences at dating after getting his BA.
You need to let this stuff roll off your back better, OP. It doesn't have to be a big deal if a set-up (or any kind of date, from OLD, say, or whatever) doesn't work out. It doesn't have to be something you stew over for days after and get into a drama with your friend over. Honestly, I think this isn't so much about the date, some of it is about unresolved anger you have from old family issues. Someday, maybe when you're done with grad school and have some mental energy and time freed up, you should work on resolving that. You'll be happier and will take life in stride better when you get that off your back.
So, the lesson I learned is to never accept blind dates and if friends want to set me up, respectfully but repeatedly decline. It just has the potential for drama which is the last thing I need in my busy life.
No... the real lesson is next time someone tries to do something that they feel might nice, you can graciously say no thanks, but if you do accept the date, take the high road and not be as "truthful" about how you didn't like the person, and show a little more politeness and not say "hell naw"
That should be the lesson learned from this experience.
"Furious" seems like a rather extreme reaction. "No thank you" generally works, in my experience.
I'd be furious if they tried to set me up. I told them years ago, I'm against blind dates and being set up. Luckily, they respect my wishes and I respect their wishes.
I'd be furious if they tried to set me up. I told them years ago, I'm against blind dates and being set up. Luckily, they respect my wishes and I respect their wishes.
I don't do blind dates or allow friends to set me up because I don't have any friends.
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Someday, maybe when you're done with grad school and have some mental energy and time freed up, you should work on resolving that. You'll be happier and will take life in stride better when you get that off your back.
