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I've tried to be more open-minded. In fact, the guy this thread is about isn't exactly someone that I would approach at a bar. He is cute, but he is balding a little bit. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but my type is talk, dark and handsome. Even a friend of mine said she didn't think he was THAT cute. Plus, he is kind of nerdy. And he has a football build. I was nervous to meet him because our conversation was so good that I was worried I wouldn't be physically attracted to him. So I did go out of my comfort zone.
There are other guys that I've gone out with that I normally wouldn't have. But they are the stage 5 clingers and text me CONSTANTLY and don't respect when I tell them I don't see it working out.
You are doing the very same with him. You are not texting constantly, but you have invited him to be friends on facebook and you have texted him. He did not tell you in words that he is not interested, but he is telling you with his actions. If he does see you, why do you think he won't ghost again? You are chasing him.
Back off and let him chase you if he wants you. He is probably thinking that you are being clingy after one meeting. Let it go.
Are you retracting your suggestion to reach out to him??
Not at all. As I said, I wasn't referring to this specific situation. I just think it offers some insight about this type of situation in general. You might find it useful if you ever find yourself in this situation again.
As for your subsequent posts, look, we have all been there. At least, every woman I know has. It really doesn't matter though whether you meet all the criteria on someone's checklist, or if they do yours. Hence the expression "good on paper." It doesn't mean you are the perfect match.
In this case, you are expending far too much energy on someone who has spent very little on you. There are lots of other guys out there to obsess over and at least one of them will actually deserve it!
I was back and forth about sending him a message but a lady I worked with told me that she thought I should reach out to him because either way, I'd at least have an answer. That was better than driving myself crazy thinking about it.
So I did. I sent him a casual text telling him I hoped he had a great Thanksgiving and that I wasn't sure what his plans were for the next week, but wondered if he wanted to go bowling or shoot some pool.
And I got NOTHING. Not even a "Thanks, but I'm not interested".
So I left it alone.
Then, last week, I was at home at my moms for Christmas and my phone went off. It was a notice from instagram that this guy was now following my account. I thought "WTF?!". You can't respond to my text but you can follow me on instagram?!
Then, on NYE, I posted a photo to my account of my girlfriend and I. And he liked it. Then, last night, I posted a funny football photo and he liked that one too.
I once met a man online. I became obsessed with him very very quickly. I'm usually stone cold. He just ignited something in me.
We went on one date then he chose to cancel dates on me. Fast forward, a year later we went on a couple of dates. I realized he was a big jerk. He was a legit tool.
The moral of the story is that I built a "fantasy" man in my head who did not reflect the man I actually went on three miserable dates with. I was infatuated for all the wrong reasons. It wasn't the man I "dated" I was into, it was the fantasy I had created in my head for about a year. I was disappointed and I kept thinking of the "fantasy" man for about 6 months after he and I went on those dates. I couldn't get him out of my head even if he was a pure tool to me on those dates.
Online dating can sometimes instill false hopes because you start daydreaming and build someting in your head. It creates false expectations and rarely do those materialize in real life. I personally stopped online dating because of this one man. My advice is that if you really want to go down the "online dating" route, you have to meet the guy within a week of the message exchanges. The mistake I made with that man is that due to work related reasons, it took me an entire month to meet up with him (it didn't help that he worked nights). Our schedules never matched. By the time he and I met, I legit thought I was going to marry the man hahaha (I was so young and innocent). I would be daydreaming of a "happily ever after" (mouhaha).
Please, do not make the mistake I made. Here are a few tips if you want to do online dating:
1. Make sure the man's pictures reflect his true appearance (look them up on FB). You can sometimes fantasize over someone who doesn't look like their pictures. 2. Meet them within 1 one week of the first message so that you don't waste your time building a fantasy in your head and you don't get "virtually" attached to them. 3. When you exchange messages, do not think of the man once you shut your laptop down. Don't use your phone because it seems like texting and you feel as though you alreday know them when you don't. Create a real barrier between reality and online dating meaning set a specific timetable for online dating. Don't keep checking your inbox all day long! Regard online dating as some sort of hobby you have no emotional attachment towards. 4. Treat online dating like CD, meaning it's only an online platform to communicate. 5. Be prepared to be disappointed and to move on. Don't get your hopes up! 6. Messages and one date do not make a relationship. Don't expect love at first sight! 7. Try meeting men outside of online dating websites so that you don't obsess over these "virtual" men. 8. Good luck!
I was back and forth about sending him a message but a lady I worked with told me that she thought I should reach out to him because either way, I'd at least have an answer. That was better than driving myself crazy thinking about it.
So I did. I sent him a casual text telling him I hoped he had a great Thanksgiving and that I wasn't sure what his plans were for the next week, but wondered if he wanted to go bowling or shoot some pool.
And I got NOTHING. Not even a "Thanks, but I'm not interested".
So I left it alone.
Then, last week, I was at home at my moms for Christmas and my phone went off. It was a notice from instagram that this guy was now following my account. I thought "WTF?!". You can't respond to my text but you can follow me on instagram?!
Then, on NYE, I posted a photo to my account of my girlfriend and I. And he liked it. Then, last night, I posted a funny football photo and he liked that one too.
Guys are so freakin weird!
Girly, you've only met the guy once. He's got the right to stop communicating with you.
After 3-4 dates, I'd expect at least a "It's not a match". But one meet up only? No. Just no. Leave him alone.
I don't feel it's necessary for him to tell you he's not interested.
You're overthinking the entire situation. He doesn't want to respond to your text because he doesn't want to see you. But he can follow you on instagram because he might think you're attractive. Don't read too much into it. A man who is interested will initiate!
Maybe online dating isn't for me. Many people on here have said that you have to have thick skin, and usually I do, but I can't get this one guy out of my head - and I don't know why!!!
We exchanged emails for about 3 weeks. During this time, he didn't take longer than a day to respond to my messages and I really enjoyed what he had to say.
When we met for coffee, he seemed really into it. I mean, we literally lost track of time. The body language was there, too - both of us turned towards each other. I know that on the other dates I've been on with guys from match, it wasn't the same.
After our date, he didn't log onto match for over a week. Then his log ins were every now and then, which makes it seem like he wasn't having conversations with other women. But still, he has said nothing.
I was on Facebook earlier this week and he happened to pop up as someone I may know since we have a mutual friend. Well, I said F it and added him. I thought "who cares - I give no Fs". So I did. And he accepted me.
I just wish I knew what I did, if anything. I just got a completely different impression. And I was into him. I wanted to hang out again. It makes me wonder if I gave off the impression that I wasn't interested.
I'm seriously about over dating!!!
Will read with interest. I actually dated someone for several months and then poof! gone. and like you I thought our interest in each other was building toward relationship. I just wish I knew why he disconnected... is it something that I did or could change??
So now I am really hesitant to try again because if I don't know what went wrong, what do I do to make the next encounter have a better outcome?
Following someone on social media is different than wanting to date someone, see someone again, or communicate in any way other than something that is easy and convenient. I will "like" posts or photos of people I haven't talked to in a while. It's probably the least committed form of communication there is. Following you on IG is probably so he can keep you in his back pocket should he ever want to call you at 2AM or later without feeling like a complete d-bag about it.
If I were you - I would take a break from the electronics for a while.
Now is the time to just let it sit. I would suggest not reaching out to him, or liking photos or anything like that going forward. Unless of course, he asks you out on a date. As others have said, if he is into to you, he will find a way to respond to your messages and ask you out.
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